Slow Show
by Nanyscia
Summary: They had found themselves in a situation they would have never thought of. They had survived, and now it was time to move on. But was forgetting the past that simple? Rating HAS changed.
1. About Today

**I. About Today**

He may have been standing there for a couple of minutes. He was so excited that he couldn't make up his mind and enter that building which meant so much to him. He had stayed away for more than two years, and still, all the time, his heart kept on telling him he had to return as soon as possible. Eventually, he had given in, and allowed himself to come back home. Now, he was standing in front of the Meade Building, breathing deep. Although he noticed that more and more people were realizing who he was, which meant that soon _everyone_ inside the office would know he was there. He smiled, thinking he wanted to be the one announcing his own return, and he stepped forward into the lobby.

Finally, Daniel Meade was back home.

xXx

Walking in these rooms felt so unreal. Despite nothing having really changed since he had left, he felt like he was in a place he'd never been before. He was now at the beginning of the tube, and all he had come across had been a couple of editors, too young and too skinny, and a model, who just giggled at the sight of him.

Determined, he headed towards Wilhelmina's office, where he hoped he would finally meet some familiar faces. Once there, he saw that the curtains of her office were closed. This time, he was the one who giggled, thinking that she probably wasn't alone.

He was right indeed, only she wasn't with whom he thought she would be.

He was in front of the curtains when he heard the clear cry of a baby.

Yes, a _baby_ was crying in the Mode's offices; in _Wilhelmina_'s office, to be precise. A million possible explanations came to mind, one less feasible than the other.

He came closer, until he was able to peek into the room, as the curtains had been left a little open.

He froze.

Wilhelmina _freaking_ Slater, the same woman known as the _Ice Queen_ or the _Fashion Nazi_, who probably loved children just as much as she did department stores - something even nature itself had recognized, deciding to give her a hostile womb at last - _she_ was holding a baby girl.

Maybe she wasn't exactly holding the poor creature with a smile, or a reassuring face; if he had to give a name to the feeling that flashed across her face, it would have been bother. She was clearly not at ease, with that crying _thing_ in her arms. But still she tried to calm her, and he took note now that there was a cradle in the room.

He wondered whether it would be opportunistic of him to just knock and straight up ask Wilhelmina about the whole situation. Damn it, if only he had paid more attention to Betty's reports on what was happening over the Ocean. He had listened to them at first, wanting to know how his family and his friends were doing, but Betty always stuffed them with such a great deal of details he really couldn't stand listening for a long time. Anyway, he would have known it, or at least vaguely remembered it, had a baby ever been mentioned; this he knew for sure, it never was, and certainly never related to Wilhelmina.

In that very moment, he realized someone was coming in his direction. Not knowing exactly why, he ran to hide under the assistant's desk. From there, he saw someone knocking at the office's door.

"Wilhelmina? Can I enter?" she asked.

She was a young, little woman, with fair blonde hair and too pale a face for it to be that of a healthy person. Daniel thought he must have met her already, as she looked pretty familiar, but he couldn't tell who she was, nor her name.

"Yeah, come in," Wilhelmina said from inside.

The tiny blonde entered.

"Is everything ok?" she asked.

"It would be if a certain _someone_ was so nice as to show up." Wilhelmina answered "She woke up and seems to be really hungry. Oh, why have I accepted to tolerate this?" she sighed.

"You did because apparently she can only fall asleep when you are around, and if she doesn't sleep she cries, and you don't want the whole office to suffer this."

"Thank you Lily, but as I've already told you a million times, you _don't _have to answer _all_ my questions… some of them are rhetorical."

The shy assistant glanced down and whispered, "I'm sorry Wilhelmina."

"Yes yes, now go and bring me this little monster's mother!"

The little girl reacted at the name, pulling at the lace of Wilhelmina's blouse.

"Hey!" Wilhelmina exclaimed "Lily, hurry, _now_!"

Lily rushed towards the door, but there she stopped on the threshold and looked at Wilhelmina again.

"I am not sure," she said, "...but I think I've seen Daniel Meade hiding under my desk."

Wilhelmina raised an eyebrow "What?"

Lily peeked outside the door. "Oh yeah, that's definitely Mr. Meade."

"Tell him to come in, and then go," Wilhelmina ordered.

The assistant obeyed and went on to her desk.

"Mr. Meade?" she said kindly. "Miss Slater would like you to come in."

In that moment, actually, _Mr Meade_ would rather have disappeared in a bubble.

"Sure…" he muttered. Then, slowly, he stood up and, facing Lily, asked: "Excuse me, have we met before?"

"Oh, yeah. I used to work at the features department. I organized your travel to Florida, remember, the challenge against _Elle_…"

"Of course I remember, how could I forget that experience…" Daniel felt half amused and half terrified at the memory of that _work trip_. "So, now you work for Wilhelmina."

"Yeah… I'm sorry sir, but I have to go now."

"Sure. Well, it was nice meeting you again."

"My pleasure," Lily smiled, and went away.

Daniel cautiously entered the office, still unable to understand what was happening there.

"So… hi," he started. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you," she smiled, but then her attention went back to the baby. "Please dear, calm down for a moment. Your freaking mother is coming, I assure you."

"Who is she?" he finally asked.

"Wait. _You_ were hiding under my assistant's desk, so please, I ask questions first."

"Oh… I'm sorry about that." Daniel wondered how much dignity he would lose if he started blushing now. "It's just, I saw the baby and I couldn't understand, and then I saw Lily coming, and I panicked. Don't ask why, maybe I just didn't want to be seen right away, or … maybe I was just really scared that baby might be somewhat related to what happened in that absurd trip she arranged three years ago…?"

Wilhelmina couldn't hide a laugh "I vote for the latter. So," she immediately returned serious "What brought you back home?"

Daniel shrugged. "Nostalgia, I guess. Hey, will she ever stop crying?"

"Yes," Wilhelmina answered. "Right… now." and with that last word, she nodded towards the door.

Turning round, Daniel had the pleasure to see another familiar face.

Amanda was standing at the entrance, with a large smile that split her face at the sight of Daniel.

xXx

Wilhelmina had left her office right after Amanda's arrival, and she was now heading to the reception.

"Wilhelmina, wait!"

She stopped and raised her eyes to the ceiling. "Good afternoon to you too, Claire," she said, turning to the woman who had just reached her.

"Is it true?" Claire asked with a cheery voice.

"What?"

"Daniel! Lily told me he's back, and hidden under her desk… whatever, is he back for real?"

Lily was always so shy, but she was also incredibly fast in spreading news, Wilhelmina thought.

"Yeah, it's all true… desk included." Wilhelmina answered. "He's in my office now, with Amanda and Leah."

"I'll never understand how Amanda manages to trust you as much as to leave that poor girl with you."

"What? Are you afraid I'm going to eat her?" Wilhelmina joked.

"Yes, I am."

Wilhelmina smirked, as Claire turned and moved. However, a few steps later, Wilhelmina regretted having left her so quickly and called her back.

"Claire… wait. I have to ask you something."

Claire stopped and looked at her, intrigued "What's the problem?"

"Daniel… apparently, he doesn't know much about last year's events."

"What do you mean?"

"He knows nothing. That's why I'm asking you not to spill the beans the moment you'll see him." Wilhelmina could read it in Claire's eyes that she wasn't convinced. "Please Claire. You know how your son is. You really want to upset him the day of his return?"

"Well, maybe you're right…"

"I am. Claire, it's not for me. It's for you, for him, and mostly for Amanda. I think she'd rather be the one to tell him how things really are."

"Yes, sure, remind me to call you _Mother Teresa_."

"Claire, please… or, you know what, just do whatever you want. But at least consider this thing."

Wilhelmina didn't add anything else. Claire kept on looking at her for a moment, and eventually went away.

She didn't understand Wilhelmina's request. For once, it hadn't even been her fault.

xXx

"Look, she likes me! She even stopped crying."

Amanda smiled, looking at her daughter playing happily with Daniel's tie.

"I don't want to spoil your happiness, but I'm afraid that most of her love is for your tie. A sparkling orange toy goes beyond her wildest dreams," Amanda said smiling.

"Yeah, that's probably it, but… you know, I like to think she's just happy to meet her awesome uncle," Daniel answered.

"So, how's life?" Amanda asked "I want to know everything. First, are you really dating Adriana Lima? If yes, please don't spare on details. Mostly the dirty ones," she added, winking.

"C'mon, do you believe all you read on tabloids?"

Amanda nodded.

"Well, it's not true. I barely talked to her once, and I'm referring to the time she did that photoshoot for Mode."

"Yes, of course" she said in a silly tone "Daniel, are you trying to make me believe that you spent the last year all alone and pure? I mean, you were surrounded by hot models every day, not Tibetan monks."

"There's no way I could manage to convince you, is there?"

Amanda nodded again, swinging herself and giggling "Nope, I'm sorry."

"But enough about me," Daniel said. "I need a little update too. I didn't know you and Tyler were so far into your relationship. I mean, a _baby_ is a huge thing."

"Yes, it is," Amanda answered, brushing Leah's hair. Daniel didn't notice how suddenly any trace of cheerfulness had left her, so he kept on questioning.

"And Wilhelmina? I've honestly never thought of her as a baby sitter."

"She's not babysitting Leah. She just allows her to sleep here."

"And she does it because…? You don't even work here anymo-"

"I do," Amanda interrupted him "I do work here again."

In the meantime, Leah had stopped playing with her uncle's tie and reprised lamenting. Amanda took advantage of her daughter's hunger to change subject.

"She's too tired to wait. I'm sorry, but it's lunch time. Can you go?"

Daniel let Amanda take Leah in her arms. "She doesn't like to be watched while she eats?"

"I still breastfeed her. And don't try and say you didn't know it, because you've been looking at my boobs ever since I entered the room."

"I'm sorry." Daniel said, quickly raising his look "It's not my fault, I mean, they're so… _hypnotic_."

"And big."

"Well, yeah, they're bigger than the last time we met."

"You and me or you and my boobs?" Amanda joked.

"I guess both. So, do I have to go?"

"Yes, Daniel."

"It's not like I've never seen them before…"

"Out."

"Ok, I get it. I'll see you later, hopefully." Daniel walked up to the door, looking at Leah. "See you too, little princess!" he said, with a childish voice.

The second he closed the door, Amanda's eyes darkened again.

xXx

Afterwards, Daniel went to the cafeteria, reflecting on what he had just witnessed. He started to regret not having kept in touch with his family through last year. Funny how nothing had really happened while he had stayed in London with Betty and her constant knowledge of events, but as soon as he had left, so many things had changed.

"Daniel! Finally!"

He pushed all thoughts aside and his eyes met his mother's.

"Mum!"

She ran to him, hugging her son tight as soon as she reached him.

"Why didn't you tell anyone you were coming?" she asked when they finally broke the hug.

"Huh, I wanted to surprise everyone."

"You did, definitely. But tell me, how's Betty?"

"Fine. She says hi to all of you."

"And..." Claire sat at the nearest table, inviting Daniel to join her. "How are you, honey?"

"Good. Really, I promise," he added, seeing Claire wasn't that persuaded.

"If you say that, I believe you," she answered smiling, but still not convinced.. "Are you going to stay?"

The last question came abruptly, Daniel hadn't seen it coming.

"Uhm… I don't know yet," Daniel answered. "Just.. give me some time to make up my mind."

"All the time you need." She grabbed his hands. "I'm so happy you're back home."

"Me too," Daniel smiled. "So tell me, how's Tyler? I haven't seen him around… God, his daughter is really pretty. I hate that I didn't know anything about her and everything… are he and Amanda going to get married or what?"

"I don't know, maybe you should ask Amanda herself."

"Or Tyler."

"Yeah, or him. Daniel, if you decided to stay, what would you think of _Hudson_? You could handle it, I can see you fitting there."

"Hudson? Where's this coming from?"

"I think it could be a good idea… but if you prefer there's still a role as CFO. We haven't had a good one since Connor Owens."

"Speaking of him, where is he? Not that I love the idea of meeting him, but I heard he works here again."

"He is…_around_."

She was trying to hide something, but Daniel noticed his mother was feeling uncomfortable.

"Mum, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She forced herself to sound sincere. "Really, everything's ok, especially now that you're back."

"Ok. Mmm, I'm hungry, what could I eat?"

Claire smiled, thinking that for the moment he wouldn't ask other questions. Daniel smiled back, thinking he didn't believe his mother at all.

xXx

It was exit time for the employees in the Meade building, and a large crowd of people filled the lobby, everyone focused only on getting out as soon as possible.

Among them was Amanda, holding her daughter tight. It wasn't that easy to walk with a baby on one arm and a bag full of toys and diapers on the other.

She sighed in relief when she saw the main entrance, and the car still waiting for her. But when she was outside, nearby the car, she found herself in trouble again, since there was no free hand to knock and ask the person inside to open up the door for her.

Luckily for her, Lily arrived in that moment.

"Are you coming too?" Amanda asked, handing her the bag Lily had already extended her hand to take.

"No, I only stopped by to help you," Lily answered.

Amanda opened the car's back door "Then, thank you," she said, and took back her bag. "See you tomorrow."

"See you both. Hi pretty!"

Leah smiled to the sweet assistant who had greeted her.

Right after, Amanda entered the car.

"It's late. I was about to go away."

The girl settled down on the seat, "I'm sorry, but I had work to get done, and I hadn't realized it was time to feed Leah again. You know I don't like doing it in the car."

"You do like it, I'm the one who threatens to kill you if you do that."

Amanda laughed. "You're right."

"Of course I am. Anyway, when do you think you'll stop breastfeeding? I have asked Lily to buy some baby food, have you at least tried to give them to Leah? I'm tired of watching you show your boobs everywhere."

"_Those_ were for Leah?" Amanda asked, as she had just realized something.

"Yes, they were. What have you done with them?"

"I may or may not have eaten them…"

Wilhelmina sighed, "You're unbelievable," she commented. Then, she spoke to the driver "We can go."

They left, heading home.


	2. Do you care if I stay?

**II. Do you care if I stay****?**

It was after 2 am but Wilhelmina still couldn't sleep. At first it had been Leah who refused to sleep, but at last, somehow, Amanda had managed to calm her; however, she just couldn't find rest.

After almost an hour spent turning over in bed, she decided it was useless to try anymore, so she got up and went in the kitchen. It took her more than ten minutes to find a damn magazine which hadn't ended up yet in the destructive hands of the _little monster_.

It was the latest Mode issue. Great, definitely new reading… Bored, she sat on the couch and started to lazily turn the pages, not really paying attention to what was written.

"You can't sleep either, huh?"

Wilhelmina wearily lifted her eyes.

"They refused to use any more fabric?" she said to Amanda as she saw her.

"What's wrong?" the girl answered innocently.

"You're wearing a non-existent underwear set." Wilhelmina noticed.

"And…?"

"Last night you had big woollen pyjamas on."

"Uhm yeah, you know, I'm still a bit hormonal." Amanda commented, heading in the kitchen "I need some tea, do you want me to prepare some for you too?"

Wilhelmina immediately closed the Mode issue and stood up. "Stop where you are. I don't want you to destroy my kitchen."

"Ok. I don't have idea how to make it anyway." Amanda simply answered.

Wilhelmina went closer to the kitchen counter. The truth was she had no idea how to make it either. Actually, she _theoretically _knew what to do, but at the moment she couldn't remember where the teapot was, or the tea itself.

"No tea?" Amanda asked after a while.

"Dear, are you sure you really want one?" Wilhelmina answered back

Amanda chuckled. "No, it doesn't matter. I told you, it's just I couldn't sleep."

Wilhelmina returned to the couch, Amanda sat there too; careful to stay far from the other person.

"It's Daniel. That's why you can't sleep, isn't it?" Wilhelmina spoke after a while.

"Yeah. Do you think he's going to stay?"

"I don't know. But we have to tell him how things are."

"We do?" Amanda slid on the edge of the couch. "I mean, maybe he doesn't want to stay. Maybe in a few weeks he'll be back in Europe, and we won't be forced to involve him in this situation."

"Claire will probably tell him everything soon. It's better for us precede her."

"Why? He's stayed away for such a long time, and he hasn't cared about what was happening here at all."

"I don't exactly remember you struggling to contact him."

"Really? Well, whatever..." Amanda stood up "...tomorrow I'm speaking with him."

"_You_?" Wilhelmina exclaimed, sceptical.

"What's wrong? If someone has to tell him about the incident, I think I should be that someone."

"This is out of the question." Wilhelmina stated.

"Why?"

"You still call it 'the incident'. This speaks volumes…"

"I call what happened by its name." Amanda answered dryly, her tone higher than expected.

"No, you don't. Please," Wilhelmina sighed heavily. "Tell me we are not about to discuss this again."

"We are not. I'm right, you know it." Amanda didn't realize she had shouted her last words.

"You're not, and now you're shouting."

The more Amanda got angry, the more Wilhelmina stayed quiet. The first was now going round the room, breathing hard, fighting back the tears; the latter remained on the couch, sitting lazily, not a trace of affliction in her eyes.

"Amanda," Wilhelmina reprised "We talked about this a million times. You only damage yourself, and you daughter, if you persist in not facing the truth."

The girl turned to the other woman, trying to look her exactly in the eyes. She rarely dared this, but she couldn't avoid it that night.

"The truth?" she yelled "Only _I_ know what the truth is!"

"You don't know _anything_." Wilhelmina was starting to lose her temper. "You hide behind an illusion that you think makes you feel better; but it doesn't. More than six months have passed, how is it possible you still don't want to face the facts?"

Amanda didn't know how to answer. They had passed through similar arguments so many times and she just hadn't the strength to try finding new reasons.

However, this time Leah would save her from the impasse. She had been woken by the shouts, and she was now weeping. Without adding anything else, Amanda went toward her room.

"I hope it's clear" Wilhelmina said instead "that tomorrow I'm speaking with Daniel, and I'm explaining the situation to him."

Amanda, now at the beginning of the corridor, simply replied in a little voice; "Yes, ma'am"

xXx

Daniel equally couldn't sleep that night. In his case however, it was mostly the fault of the jet leg than anything else. He had wandered for a while through the corridors of the Meade Manor, just enjoying being there again. Eventually he had ended up in the kitchen, and once there he had opened the fridge, searching for something useful for a night time snack.

The fridge was empty, except of a couple of water bottles and a really aged carrot. Yeah, a _single_ one. Daniel giggled at the sight.

"Are you hungry?" Daniel pulled out his head from inside the fridge and found himself facing his mother.

"Yeah, a bit. But your fridge isn't helpful." Daniel answered.

"Well, maybe that carrot…" Claire joked.

"Thank you, I have to decline you generous offer."

Claire laughed. "Well, you lose!"

"You're right I guess." He smiled. "Onto other scenarios..." Daniel tried to assume the most professional look he could "I'm seriously considering your idea of Hudson…"

"Seriously?" Claire asked, sincerely surprised. The truth was that earlier that day, when she had proposed the idea, she only did because had panicked under his pressing questions.

"Yeah. I'm not saying I'm accepting," He added immediately, seeing the hope which lit up his mother's eyes, "I'm just saying I'm thinking about it."

"I'm really happy about this." Claire answered softly.

"You know, once I even discussed the possibility with Alexis – the idea of me headingHudson. We considered that if I ever came back here, I certainly couldn't return to Mode. Wilhelmina would kill me."

"I can totally picture that."

"Anyway, speaking of brothers, has Tyler changed his phone number? I tried to call him, but there's no answer."

"Why are you so impatient to talk with him?"

"Well, he's my brother after all. I know we didn't start out the best, but we left in sort of good terms… I only want to try building something."

Claire felt lost, and sad. When Daniel knew the situation, all these good intentions would be useless. She had often dreamt of her sons finally appeased. She had dreamt of them in good terms as all brothers should be, she had dreamt of them working for the family's good. Unfortunately, now, none of this would ever be.

"He's out of town."

She couldn't tell him everything, of course, she knew better. But she needed to satisfy his curiosity a little…so that he decided to stay.

"He's visiting his adoptive parents?" Daniel asked, curious.

"No. He must be somewhere in the lower bay, or around there. He's with Connor, they've gone fishing."

Daniel couldn't help but raise his eyebrows "Fishing. With _Connor_. Mum, have you listened to yourself speaking?"

"I know it sounds a little odd. Ok, it sounds _very_ odd. They met, they liked each other, and they share a love of fishing, so Connor invited Tyler to join him for a week around the bay."

Daniel was more and more confused. "That's a pair I sincerely never thought of."

"Nor me, or anyone else. I think Connor likes to act fatherly toward him somehow…"

"Well, even a thief is better than that son of bitch of his real father…"

"Daniel, don't call him a _thief_… He returned all the money, don't forget." Claire tried to say.

"Yeah yeah, sure. By the way, I hope whatever work he has now, he stays as far as possible from _our_ money. He stole from us once, it's better we don't repeat…"

Claire forced a smile, "Don't worry, he has no access to the accounts. He only gives a hand with business management, money matters are exclusively down to Wilhelmina."

"Ok, ok, I get. Well, when will they be back then?"

"Uhm, you should ask Wilhelmina. She knows for sure."

"And you don't?"

"You know Daniel, I'm getting old. I don't remember all the details…"

"Details… sure. Maybe it's time for me to go back to bed."

"Yeah, I should too. Goodnight honey."

"Goodnight…"

Claire left quickly, Daniel stayed a little longer in the kitchen, pondering. Something still didn't fit in the picture, but he wasn't able to see what exactly.

xXx

Amanda had reached her room feeling the anger more and more with every step. She felt her blood pulsating in her veins, her eyes blurring because of the tears that she couldn't hold anymore. And worse than everything, she heard her daughter's weep echoing all around her. That sound hurt her so badly… it was so desperate, so demanding.

Entering the room, the weeping reached her much louder, but she just couldn't approach the cradle. She closed the door, and then leant against it, simply unable to move anymore.

"Please babe, sleep… please." she muttered after a while.

But Leah didn't stop crying, screaming or demanding. And still she couldn't approach because there was so much anger in her now, and everyone knows _babies feel everything. _

The salty taste of her tears invaded her mouth now. She so hated that taste, but she had learnt to live with it. She had learnt so many things in these last months, but still she hadn't learnt how not to get angry when Wilhelmina acted that way. Of course, she was grateful to her, how could she not be? She _had to_. After all, Wilhelmina had helped her in the most difficult moments of her life.

Her _savior,_ however, had the bad habit of always wanting to be right. _Always;_ particularly on that specific topic. This was what had disturbed their cohabitation the most. Not the absolutely different life habits, not even the presence of an often crying baby - only the differing opinions about the _incident_.

It hurt her most that Wilhelmina seemed to have completely lost what little faith she had shown at the beginning. What did she ask of her now? To give in? No way. She would keep on waiting, all the time needed. Keeping on waiting made her feel stronger. She knew she didn't have an inch of Wilhelmina's strength, but she knew also she should at least try.

Trying now, she started fighting against the tears that kept on falling. Still breathing hard, she finally walked to the cradle, and reached Leah. "I'm sorry I woke you honey," she said, brushing the baby's stomach "I'm really sorry. But now you have to calm down, and sleep again... Please." she added, almost imploring her.

Not seeing results, she picked her up and cradled her, trying to remember a lullaby or something of that kind. Luckily, such close contact with her mother alone seemed to have a really good effect in calming her. After a few minutes Leah stopped crying, and Amanda sighed in relief.

"Good girl." she said, her voice finally softened.

She let Leah rest her head against her shoulder and held her tightly. Slowly she went to sit on the edge of the bed, always caressing the little girl. _She had to keep strong for her_.

"Hey, I have an idea. What if you sleep with your Mommy tonight?" she whispered. Leah smiled, and Amanda took it as a sign of approval. She lay on her back, with her baby resting on her breast, still held tightly.

"But this is an exception. I don't want you to wanna sleep in mummy's bed until you'll graduate…"

xXx

The next morning, when Amanda went in the kitchen for breakfast, she found Wilhelmina sat at the kitchen table, slowly drinking coffee. At the sight of Amanda, Wilhelmina barely raised her eyes from the newspaper she was reading, and murmured a lazy "Good Morning."

Amanda didn't dare say anything. She put Leah in her playpen, and poured some coffee in a cup, still not talking.

"I asked Lily to buy a high chair. She's going to bring it here this afternoon." Wilhelmina finally spoke.

"There's no need." Amanda replied.

Wilhelmina stopped reading and looked at her: it was clear she had spent a long time crying.

"Of course there is, at least until you stop eating your daughter's baby food." Wilhelmina said.

Amanda took a deep breath. "It's not that. It's just… in a week Marc will have returned from Paris, and I'll be living in our apartment with him."

"Oh… yeah, you're right. Well, just keep and take it when you move. It's bought, it's yours."

The truth was Wilhelmina hadn't considered Marc would be back so soon, by now she was used to not having him around. It was good, she'd never confessed it, but she really missed him.

"By the way, I'm sorry for last night." Amanda added after a couple of minute of silence.

"For what?" Wilhelmina asked, her eyes again on the newspaper.

"I overreacted. After all, you may be right."

Wilhelmina returned to look at her, highly surprised. She never expected to hear words of that kind from Amanda. "I may be right? What do you mean?"

"I mean… I mean that probably it really is time for me to try to see things as they … you know, as they _are_."

Amanda had said these last words with hesitation, looking around, torturing her hands.

"I'm glad you're finally seeing reason."

"Yeah, me too…" Amanda answered back, trying to sound as convincing as she could.

Right then someone knocked on the door. "It's me" they heard Lily saying.

Amanda went to open to her. "Hi Lily."

"Good morning." Lily said with her usual sweet voice "Hey, what's wrong with your eyes?" she asked Amanda as she came inside.

Amanda bit her bottom lip "Nothing. I don't know, maybe is some sort of allergy, or just the lack of sleep of a new mom." She lied.

"Oh, I see." Lily lied back. She knew enough of the situation to not believe her.

"Wilhelmina," she said then to her boss "I have the hair-chair in my car. You want me to bring it up here now or later on today?"

"There's no need for it. At least, not here. Amanda's going to move out."

Now was Lily's turn to be surprised "You're moving out?" she exclaimed.

"As soon as Marc is back." Wilhelmina answered instead of Amanda. "We knew it, didn't we?"

xXx

Daniel and Claire had arrived rather early at Mode that morning. It was mostly Daniel's fault, who seemed to be impatient, needing to do something.

"When do you think Wilhelmina will be here?" he asked after a while they were there.

"I don't know," his mother answered "...but I guess it's a matter of minutes. Why do you need her?"

Daniel didn't have the opportunity to say anything, because in that very moment the elevator, not so far from where he and Claire were, opened; and Wilhelmina, Lily and Amanda stepped out, the latter carrying Leah.

"Good morning." He said to them cheerfully.

"Good morning Dan-" Amanda had started replying, but Claire interrupted her.

"Wilhelmina, Daniel was looking for you. I think he wants to tell you something."

Claire had definitely understood what Daniel had to tell Wilhelmina.

"What do you want?" Wilhelmina asked "I warn you, you gave me Mode and it will remain mine!"

"Oh no, it's not Mode," he reassured her "It's Hudson. Do you care if I take it?"

"What do you mean?" Wilhelmina asked puzzled.

"I'd like to assume the direction of it. I'm staying."


	3. Did someone break your heart again?

**III. Did someone break your heart again?**

_All she could think in that moment was to find __a place to sit down as soon as possible, her back was killing her. Despite her belly not having enlarged that much, it was still a huge weight for her skinny body. This is why, seeing Claire Meade standing just next to a chair, she felt the happiest woman in this world. _

"_Amanda!" Claire exclaimed as she came closer to her._

"_Hey Mrs Meade, hi!" the young woman answered back, waving at her. "I was looking for you. And for that" she added, sitting on the previously nominated chair. _

"_It's almost time, isn't it?" Claire said with a wide smile._

"_Yeah, less than a month and our lady finally will show up." Amanda confirmed, sweetly caressing her belly. _

"_Anyway__, why were you looking for me?" Claire asked after a while. _

"_I want to ask you if you have heard from Tyler today. He and Connor were supposed to come back this morning, but they haven't, and I tried calling."_

"_Maybe they just decided to stay a little longer. Don't worry dear, they'll probably be back by tonight." _

_Amanda __ gently but her bottom lip "You think?" she asked doubtfully. _

"_What? What doesn't convince__ you?"_

"_It's just… before leaving, Tyler told me that he would assemble the cradle for the baby today."_

"_Assemble?" Claire exclaimed surprised "aren't there workers for these kind of things?"_

"_You know how__ Tyler is. He wants to personally take care of the whole baby room __arrangement. I mean, he has asked my adoptive parents to send us the cradle I used in my first year… and, that's why we have it in pieces place in the living room, and why I'm so desperately searching for him. It's not funny having pink wooden boards all around." _

_Claire giggled "Well, I guess it's not. You know..." she stopped laughing, taking a more serious look, "you two are really a good match. Sometimes I still think you probably jumped into it too quickly…"_

"_Don't worry," Amanda interrupted, "we have plenty of time for marrying, cheating on each other, going to the couple therapist, and so on." _

"_I agree with the marriage part… less with__ the rest. Whatever, now you both look so happy, and enthusiastic, that's what matters."_

"_We are." Amanda simply answered, with the hushed voice of someone who is almost afraid to declare her own happiness. _

_In the meantime, Wilhelmina was moving toward where Claire and Amanda were. _

"_Wilhelmina, can you come here a moment?" Claire called to her, "We need information."_

_Wilhelmina didn't raise her eyes from the document she was reading from, at first. She came closer to her ancient enemy, and only when she was in front of her __conceded to look __her in the face. _

"_Claire," she finally greeted, "Marc's friend." She added, noticing Amanda._

"_Have you, by any chance, news of Connor and my son? Amanda says they were supposed to return this morning."_

"_Yes, they were." Wilhelmina confirmed "What's the problem? It's only three in the afternoon. They'll back by the evening, I'm sure, tell this to the mommy."_

"_Do you think?" Claire replied__, the fastest she could since Wilhelmina was already going away "Can you just ask Lily to call… I don't know, the marina where Connor keeps his boat?"_

"_Yeah, can you?" Amanda repeated, "Tyler said he would be back in time to properly assemble the cradl-" _

"_Yes, yes, wonderful." Wilhelmina stopped her, "Stop with the happy family portrait, I'm asking Lily."_

_The youn__g, sickly-looking assistant, followed her a few steps back. "Call the marina and ask if Connor's boat is returning yet. Roger!" _

_Lily rushed to her desk. Wilhelmina went that __same way, entering her office and slamming the door. _

"_Silly me. I thought love had sweetened her." Amanda joked. _

"_Well, let's say she tries to be kinder, but that doesn't always work. Like...every other day." Claire said, laughing enthusiastically. _

_Amanda joined her in the laughter__, and that way – joking about Wilhelmina – they spent a couple of minutes. _

_Then, casually, Claire glanced up and saw something which worried her. Lily was hanging up the phone unnaturally slowly; and her face was now paler then usual. Claire gestured to Amanda inviting her to stand up, and to follow her as far as Lily's desk. Meanwhile Lily had stood up too, and knocked on Wilhelmina's door. _

"_It's important." She murmured at the door. _

"_What's going on?" Claire asked her when she and Amanda reached her side. _

"_Yeah, what the hell is going on?" Wilhelmina asked too, opening the door. _

_Lily gulped and took a very deep breathe. Then, squeezing her fists, finally explained,_

"_The guy at the marina told me they found a boat, like Connor's, this morning… no one was on board." _

xXx

"Amanda… Amanda?"

Hearing her name, the girl lazily opened her eyes. It not took her a long time to realize she had fallen asleep on her desk. Sure, the furred tongue, the blurred sight confirmed it, and so did the little drool at the corner of her mouth.

"Oh… hey Mrs. Meade." She answered, slowly raising her head. Leah's voice attracted her attention soon however; she quickly looked at her, scared, but soon she realized her baby was ok in her playpen, and felt a little better.

"Don't worry, she's ok." Claire reassured her "It has been a while, I was looking after her. I noticed your little nap."

"Oh…" Amanda felt embarrassed. "Well, then thank you. I'm sorry, it's just I couldn't sleep last night, and then I brought Leah in to sleep with me, but I slept even less, you know, I was afraid to hurt her…" She tried to explain, feeling the urge to justify her neglectful behavior.

Claire grabbed her hands gently, "I told you, everything is ok. Leah is fine, and it's not your fault if you fall asleep."

Only then did Amanda let herself breathe again, in relief. Claire, still grabbing her hands, smiled at her sweetly. She had known Amanda for enough years to be used to her strange way of living her life, the perpetual distraction, the silly ideas and sayings – all these things disappeared when it was about her daughter, and of this Claire was sure she would never be less surprised.

The older woman finally sat in front of her daughter-in-law, still holding her hands, and cordially she asked her, "Why didn't you sleep last night? Was it Leah, she couldn't sleep too?"

"No. It's just… Daniel's return has made a lot of things come back across my mind. All this… situation, I thought I had finally found some peace… but I realized I haven't."

Claire sighed, "When are you going to tell him everything?"

Amanda looked at her with a very questioning stare. "Me? Hasn't Wilhelmina told you _she_ is going to tell Daniel the story?"

Now it was Claire's turn to be astonished "This is funny. No well, this is so Wilhelmina. She demanded I not talk, because _you_ should be the one talking with him."

Amanda couldn't stop a burst of hysterical laughter. "I can't believe… you believed her. You seriously thought Wilhelmina Slater would leave _me_ to do this? You know how differently we think things have gone. Of course she wants her version to be heard first."

Claire didn't know what to say. She felt guilty, because she should have talked immediately with Daniel, surely her version would be the most impartial of them all. Ok, maybe not so much, but at least she could have tried.

"That's why you didn't sleep? You fought about this again?"

Amanda nodded. "Yep. Let's guess who won?"

"You know what?" Claire said, standing up, "I'll take Leah with me so that you can get up and go to Daniel's old office and take a real, good sleep. There's still a chaise longue that's just waiting for you."

Amanda was about to reply, but Claire gestured her not to. "Go."

Claire went to Leah's pen and picked her up, "Dear, ready for a little time with your grandma?"

Leah answered with a series of inarticulate sounds, clapping her little hands. Amanda stood and stroked the baby's hair, kissing her forehead.

"Thank you." She finally murmured to Claire, and went away.

xXx

"_Mrs. Meade, what's going on?"_

_Amanda's voice was less than a tremulous whisper. That was all she could produce in the last thirty minutes, she was confused, and terrified. Sat on a chair in front of Wilhelmina's desk, she stayed there paralyzed, staring with wide open eyes at her, holding her own belly. _

_Claire, who stood behind the woman, squeezed her shoulders. "I don't know dear, but I'm sure everything will be fine."_

"_What the hell are you waiting for?" Wilhelmina shouted at the telephone, "People don't leave a boat in the middle of the sea, or do you think they have gone away for a walk!" _

_She was movi__ng back and forth tensely, the hand which was not holding the phone was playing with the buttons of her blouse or her hair. _

"_What? Twenty four hours? Are you fucking kidding me?" She kept on yelling, "It's not a game, you idiot. Have you __at least checked if there is any evidence of what's happened on board?"_

_Wilhelmina stopped, as her free hand slipped __along her hip. Amanda noticed her gulping, then her eyes getting watery. _

"_Wilhelmina, what's going on?" Amanda asked again. Her voice came lauder this time, strengthened by the growing fear. _

"_Amanda, calm down." Claire murmured__, not to disturb Wilhelmina's call. "When she has answers, she'll tell us."_

_But Amanda didn't listen to__ her. "Wilhelmina, tell me what's going on." She implored again._

_In that moment Wilhelmina closed the call. All the determination, the anger, the impatience, had gone. It took several moments to raise her stare to the two women in front of her._

"_They won't search for them before twenty four hours has passed. There's no blood, or__ signs of broken equipment, the life jackets are still on board. They have simply disappeared." _

xXx

"Shouldn't you be at your magazine's office, I don't know, _working_?"

Wilhelmina and Daniel were sitting in her office. She was working on something, or at least trying to, he sat lazily in front of her.

Daniel laughed. "Relax, I'm going. But remember, I own the fifty percent of Meade like you do, so if I decide Hudson's editor in chief can take a day off, he can."

"Stop talking about yourself in the third person. God, and they say you have matured these past few years." Wilhelmina answered back.

"Hey, I have. Well, so they say. Anyway, why are you so nervous? Better, why are you, my mother, Amanda so nervous? You all seem like part of a secret corporation or a cult?"

"Says the former member of the _Community of the Phoenix_…"

Daniel stopped laughing. "Touché. Anyway, are you going to finally explain to me what's going on? And please, if you do, include more details on that cradle there." He asked firmly, pointing at Leah's cradle next to the windows.

Wilhelmina didn't answer anything at first. She closed the binder she was reading, took a good, deep breath and eventually faced Daniel.

"Yes, you're right, you deserve an explanation."

"Yeah, it would be nice. Oh, and then I have to ask a couple of things about your _boyfriend _and my brother. Since when do they go fishing together?"

"Oh dear God Daniel, let me finish." Wilhelmina's patience was already near its verge.

"Sorry. Go on."

"Thank you for having asked that question anyway; it saves me any preamble. It's a while since Connor and Tyler have made friends with each other, and they developed the habit of going fishing together, on Connor's boat. Last time was six months ago. The point is...they didn't come back. They disappeared...on purpose."


	4. Guest Room

**IV. Guest room**

"What?"

Wilhelmina thought that she had probably never seen someone's eyes becoming so wide and someone's face turning so pale in such a short amount of time. This actually surprised her a little: after all, Daniel had been through worse things.

"Are you ok?" She politely asked him.

"What the hell do you mean by _on purpose_?" Daniel immediately questioned her. It wasn't the right time for kindness, he only wanted answers, and he wanted them now.

"It means it had been verified there wasn't any evident reason to leave the boat. There was no sign of violence of any type, food, documents, the lifeboat… all gone with them."

Daniel gulped. "This… this doesn't make sense at all." He babbled. "Unless… did they have reasons to run away?"

Wilhelmina sighed, as the rest of her body stayed motionless, and her eyes, Daniel noticed, lost contact with his.

"Yes." She answered simply.

"Oh my God." Daniel exclaimed, slipping to the edge of the chair ready to stand at any time. "Oh my God. Wilhelmina," He pointed his eyes on her, as asking her to do the same. "Please, please, please tell me you didn't let him deceive you again."

"Daniel…"

"Oh dear God I knew it!" Daniel yelled, standing angrily. "How much?"

"Does it matter?"

"Oooh, so I'm guessing from the fact you never told me, he at least left some for us to survive this time!" He commented sarcastically.

"Daniel, calm down."

He ignored this. "And what is Tyler's role in all this?"

"We don't know exactly. My guess is Tyler freaked out at the idea of the long term commitment a baby would be, he could have gained knowledge of Connor's plan and asked to join, or even blackmailed him… I told you, we don't know details."

"Wow, what a pair." Daniel started walking around, trying not to freak out.

"Daniel, I totally didn't see it coming. But I assure you we managed to see that the company didn't suffer from this."

"That's something." He replied. "God, I thought you were the smart one between us."

Wilhelmina smirked. "Was that a compliment?"

"No." Daniel answered dryly "Since you clearly proved you're not."

"See? This is why we waited so long to tell you. You stayed away years and now you dare to judge me, and say 'I told you so'"

"What should I do? And, for the record, sorry if I stayed away, but I don't remember any of you calling me or anything!"

"And listen to your 'I told you so's'?" Wilhelmina reaffirmed.

"That's all? No one alerted me for that reason?"

Wilhelmina tried to persuade him, she lied, of course. "Yes. We are all proud bitches, sorry."

"This is all so absurd." He commented again, quickly brushing his now sweaty forehead. "And it's all so sad. You know, despite their past, I really believed those two could-"

"Could what?"

"Makes someone else happy."

All at once, Wilhelmina felt all her determination slip away, all the coldness she had so desperately tried to maintain during their conversation, already so difficult.

"For what it's worth, they did."

Daniel kept on looking at her for moments, silent, hit by that sudden little confession. Than, sighing heavily, he was about to turn around and go away, when he asked again, now moved by pure curiosity. "You haven't explained to me yet why you let Leah sleep here. What's up between you and Amanda?"

Wilhelmina hadn't the time to explain anything about that however, since someone else answered Daniel in place of her. "It's just been a big mistake."

Daniel turned to the office entrance. Like the previous day, Amanda had inserted herself in the conversation, but instead of a big wide smile, he could only see the tears.

xXx

_Three days had passed since what she would learn soon to call 'the incident'__, and again she headed to the Mode offices, searching for answers. Slowly, she exited from the elevator, and started looking around her to find Mrs. Meade. The search didn't long however: Claire saw her almost immediately after her arrival, and hurried to her. _

"_What are you doing here?" Claire reproached Amanda when she reached her. _

"_I… I'm sorry Mrs. Meade, but I couldn't stay in there anymore. I was getting crazy, seriously." The young woman tried to justify. _

"_I know it's hard, but the doctor said you need __complete peace and quiet. All this stress is extremely dangerous, for you and for your baby." Claire talked as firmly she could, and still tried not to sound too constraining._

"_You're not protecting me from what's happened just by keeping me in your house." _

_Claire sighed. Amanda was right, but what else she could ever do? She wished she had a time machine, a magical wand, or whatever, to solve the situation, but she hadn't. She didn't even have a logical explanation to make the poor girl feel better. She could only try to keep her away from all the madness, hoping to help her focus only on her upcoming baby. _

"_I need answers. It's the only thing that would really help me." Amanda insisted. "Please Mrs. Meade, help me to get some."_

"_I have some, but they are not good." _

_Claire would prefer to die instantly rather than tell her what she had come to know. _

"_What?" Amanda questioned her. "Mrs. Meade, what do you know?" _

"_Money also has disappeared from our accounts." _

"_And this should be interesting to us because…?" Amanda definitely wasn't able to see any connection between this news and what happened, or between this and her Tyler. _

"_The police detective in charge on this case-"_

"_That tiny bearded man with the curious Indian accent?" Amanda joked remembering him._

"_Him. He is sure Connor took the funds."_

"_Again, and this should be interesting because…? I mean, I'm sorry for Wilhelmina and all, but really I can't see why this should be related to Tyler."_

_Claire felt in trouble: it was difficult enough news to tell by itself, but Amanda's attitude didn't help. _

"_Detective Raja thinks Tyler has helped him, probably obtaining a part of the plunder."_

_Amanda started laughing. Noticing__ Claire's very surprised look, she explained, "Seriously, Mrs. Meade. This is the dumbest story I've ever heard. Tyler a thief? You know perfectly well it doesn't make sense, not even a little. He's the most honest man on this earth. C'mon, save this as a funny story for next Christmas and give me something real."_

"_I know it's ridiculous." Claire said, "But it's what the detective believes, and…"_

"_And what?" Amanda interrupted her. "Has he even found a reason why Tyler would have done this? I'm really curious to hear it too." _

"_He suspects Tyler was simply scared by the idea of becoming a family man. He knows it's not a long time he and you have been a couple; and because of his troubled past…"_

"_Please stop, this is really starting to piss me off. Can I talk with this idiot?" _

_"Amanda, it's useless. I've already tried to convince him it can't be, but he simply refused to listen to me."_

"_This means he's a wanted man? They'll arrest him?"_

"_They have to find him first." Claire commented eventually, bitterly. She stared at Amanda, her own eyes now started welcoming tears, feeling guilty for what had happened. She knew her son, sure, but she couldn't avoid the thought that maybe the detective was right. _

_Since she was looking directly at her, Claire immediately noticed a grimace of pain appearing on Amanda's face._

"_Dear, are you ok?" Mrs. Meade immediately asked, worried._

"_Yes, this is just my girl kicking angrily at having heard such crap about her father." _

"_Sit down, I'll go get some water." _

"_Ok." Amanda muttered, and sat on the nearest chair. _

_As Claire moved away, someone else came near the soon-to-be mother. Amanda actually got a little frightened as Wilhelmina approached. _

"_Are you ok?" She simply asked._

_Amanda lightly raised her stare to__ the other woman. Then, not saying a single word, she shook her head. _

xXx

Amanda ran quickly, back to Daniel's old office, where Claire had sent her to rest less than an hour earlier. However, she was too way curious to know if Wilhelmina had told Daniel the story, and she had soon slipped out and reached Lily's desk; luckily empty, from her place at the desk she had listened to their conversation.

Eventually, she had let herself say that comment, which struck Daniel so much that he was now after her, trying to stop her for an explanation.

He managed to reach her near Betty's old desk, and grabbed her right arm, forcing her to stop.

"Amanda, what's wrong?" He asked her, releasing the hold.

"She drives me crazy, really, _crazy_." She complained. "She makes me want to kill her during the night, seriously, she's so…"

"Amanda, calm down." He tried to say, because as she complained she had started to move her hands around compulsively and her words were coming unnaturally fast.

"Ok. Amanda, chill out." She said to herself. "It's just... seriously, sometimes her behaviour is more annoying than entering in a shop during sales and finding out they have nothing more in your size, or leaving the hairdresser and noticing in the mirror that you have the hairstyle of a fifty-something housewife."

"_Her behaviour_?" Daniel brought her back to the point, really not able to tolerate more unexplained things. "Amanda, what are you talking about?"

"I'm referring to what just happened in her office. I know she has her own opinions of what happened, but this time...wow, she so surpassed herself. If things don't work out with the fashion industry, she could start a new profitable career as trashy celebrity biographer."

"Why do you say that? It's not true, what she told me?" Daniel asked. Great, there was the possibility that what he had just found out wasn't the truth. "Them and the money haven't disappeared?"

"No no," Amanda replied. "They did vanish, the money too, and it's true what she told you about the boat condition and all. But she's totally wrong about the reasons: she made you think they are just a couple of thieves who ran away after stealing from Meade."

"Do you think she persuaded me?"

"She didn't?" Amanda dryly shot back.

"I… I don't know."

Amanda would pay anything to know if he had spoken with intimate conviction, or just to please and calm her. Daniel, for his part, was still hungry for answers, even if now he wasn't so sure of which ones exactly: he had to investigate why Amanda so firmly believed in Connor and Tyler's innocence, or the nature of her relationship with Wilhelmina? His curiosity pushed for the latter.

He followed Amanda who had entered his old office and sat on the chaise longue with her. He looked around for a few long moments, trying to avoid the assault of memories that came to him as he entered.

"You and Wilhelmina… you seem really close though." He started, "Exactly… what kind of relationship do you two have?"

Amanda raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

Daniel started feeling embarrassed. "I mean… she lets your daughter sleep in her office, and you are so tough on her behaviour... plus you two arrived together, this morning."

Amanda stared at him, not really getting what was going through Daniel's mind. When she finally understood, she burst out laughing.

"Oh my God Daniel, you have such a dirty mind!" She exclaimed. "You seriously think we're having an affair?"

"You aren't?"

"No, we aren't." Amanda answered. "I admit it would be uber-sexy, because I'm hot, she's hot and all… but no, we don't have any secret, troubled affair."

"So, what's up?" He asked.

"We live together."

Daniel chuckled. "Sorry, but that doesn't help with denying..."

"As friends, you pervert."

"_Friends_?"

She stopped laughing, and moved her stare away from him.

"Well… so I thought."

xXx

_It took Amanda several minutes to find the courage to knock at her __office door. She had known Wilhelmina for enough years to be aware of the danger she was going towards. When she finally managed to knock, Wilhelmina's voice came unexpectedly. "Come in."_

_Amanda slowly opened the door. "Good morning Wilhelmina, I'm sorry to disturb you but-"_

"_You really want to deliver in these offices, don't you?" Wilhelmina interrupted her as she saw her and her belly. "You are spending more time around lately than when you actually worked here." _

_Amanda smiled. "Don't worry, it's not time yet." _

"_How long left?"_

"_Two weeks." _

"_Oh kid, then it's always time. Anyway, what you want?" _

"_Marc asked me to come." _

_From Wilhelmina's face, Amanda understood she had caught her attention. _

"_You told him everything, didn't you?" Wilhelmina enquired. _

_Amanda nodded. "Of course, he's my best friend… and he's yours." She added shyly. _

"_So, why he has sent you to me?" _

"_He's worried. He thought he would hear from you too, but it's been ten days and he says you haven't called him yet. Wilhelmina, if I can…" She stopped a moment, because Wilhelmina had raised her eyebrows. "If I can give you advice, you really should. Talking with him helped me so much, I assure you. I'm sure it would be the same for you too. I know, it's not like having him here, and God knows how much I'm missing him right now… but it's something, and-"_

"_I miss him too."_

_Wilhelmina had said it in a whisper, all at once, not really caring if the other woman would be able to hear that through her own stream of words. But Amanda had heard, and reprised, "So, you really should call him."_

"_Close the door, and sit." Wilhelmina ordered her then. Amanda obeyed, and still a little timorous, sat in front of her._

"_Look, I know it's harder for you because of… that." Wilhelmina said, pointing to Amanda's belly. "But for me… for me, it's different. I'm used to it. Unfortunately, it's not the first time the man who professes to love me does something like this to me."_

"_It's different because I'm sure Tyler-"_

"_What?"_

"_Nothing." Amanda cut off. She didn't want to repeat the same things again, considering how little consideration she had been given by detective Raja. "So, you're used to it, huh?" She asked then._

"_Yes." _

_Of course Wilhelmina was far to feeling 'used' to a thing like that, but something inside her kept on saying that she had to conserve this act for her, and show that girl all the strength she could._

"_How does it work?" Amanda asked. "I mean, it's not only me, I'll soon have someone else to care about…"_

_Wilhelmina wasn't__ the kind of woman who let other people's troubles affect her, but in this case… she didn't know exactly why, but she felt it was right to say something...well...kind. _

"_It'll be fine. And you're not alone. I saw how Claire is taking care of you. Just, don't let her prepare the baby's bottle… she may lace it with whiskey." _

"_She's being so gentle to me, letting me staying at her home and all… but, well, she's a little too overprotective." _

"_She's about to be grandmother, I guess it's normal."_

"_It's not that… I think she feels guilty, or something like that. For what everyone thinks Tyler did to me."_

"_You don't have anyone else to ask for help?" _

"_My adoptive parents are cruising around the world, or something like that. Betty's in London, Marc's in Pa-…"_

_"Stop, I get it."_

"_Yeah. Well, I should go now, before Mrs Meade finds me and puts me under punishment." Amanda said, standing up. "It's been a… pleasure, I guess. Well, bye and… call Marc, please." _

_She was on threshold when Wilhelmina spoke again. "You know, I have trouble sleeping when no one is in the house."_

_Amanda turned, astonished. "What?"_

"_I'm offering you my guest room."_

xXx

A couple of hours after these two enlightening conversations, Daniel returned to his old office at Mode, after a brief visit to the staff at Hudson, to introduce himself as the new boss.

Entering, he saw Amanda sleeping on the chaise longue they had talked on previously that day. He was about to leave, not wanting to wake her, but she preceeded him: the light changing had disturbed her sleep, and she woke before he could close the door again.

"Hey," she said, "don't go. Come, let's talk a little more."

Daniel accepted the invite and returned to her. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't worry, I have to get up anyway. I've got work to finish before the end of the day, and these days I'd better not provoke Wilhelmina more than necessary."

"What work do you do here?"

"I'm in the fashion department."

"And your stylist career?"

"Let's say.. It's on stand-by." She explained, standing up at last.

"So, I see you two really love working."

Daniel and Amanda turned to the door, where Wilhelmina had spoken.

"I don't pay you for chatting." She added.

"Technically, I own the company as much as you," Daniel started replying, "not to mention I don't even work here."

"One more reason to go. Seriously, I need you out of here. I have to speak with Amanda."

"Really, I don't want to fight aga-"

"It's not that. Daniel," she said again to the Meade still in the room, "are you still here?"

"I'm going." He answered, and left, closing the door, and stopped near the entrance with the hope of hearing something.

"What's up?" Amanda abruptly asked.

"We'd better try to get along again, because your plan of moving out is screwed up."

"Why?"

"Marc has just called. He's been asked to stay in Paris at least another month."


	5. Be brave and be kind

**V. Be brave and be kind**

"It… it can't … can't be true." Amanda babbled. "He swore to me he would be back soon, one month more is not soon, it's like a lifetime more."

Wilhelmina was thinking exactly the same thing, but of course she managed to keep it to herself. She wouldn't ever admit it to Amanda, as she didn't to Marc when he had told the news.

"And you know what makes me angrier?" Amanda reprised. "He hadn't even the courage to talk to me about this, that little bastard."

"Now you're being hysterical." Wilhelmina said.

"So please, stop being such a drama queen."

Amanda moved a few steps toward Wilhelmina. "And you stop playing the coldstone bitch."

"How dare y-"

Amanda didn't let her finish the sentence. "Seriously, you're not disappointed about this, not even a little bit?"

Wilhelmina sighed. "Yes, I am. But I don't let it to affect me too much."

"This, me, Connor… nothing seems to affect you."

After saying that, Amanda instinctively closed her eyes and assumed a defensive posture. She was waiting the other woman to slap her, she was sure she would react that way. They were close enough for this, and Amanda had lived and argued with her for enough time to be aware how often that was the consequence of her worst statements. And since the night before no slaps had been given, Amanda was _sure_ it would happen now.

But Wilhelmina surprised her. Instead of raging against her, she came to the door, and gently closed it. She hesitated a little, then she turned again to Amanda.

"Listen to me, because I'm not going to say this twice." She said.

"No slap?" Amanda exclaimed.

"I'm sorry."

This literally left Amanda open-mouthed. "Pardon, did you just say sorry to me?"

"Yes, and let me finish or I'll slap you for real."

"Sure, go on."

"Look, I understand it's harder for you than it is for me. Yes, it is, stop doing faces." She added, noticing Amanda's perplexed look. "But I also understand it's not you fault for being so hopeful."

"Guess it's not even yours if you are so hopeless."

Wilhelmina raised her eyebrows, and crossed her arms.

"Sorry, couldn't help it." Amanda justified.

"As I was saying," Wilhelmina reprised. "I see your reasons. But seriously, we need to work out this situation. If we have to live together for another month, we can't spend all our time fighting. It seems to me we managed to solve this once."

"Not speaking of something doesn't make it disappear."

"Yes, you're right, but at least it prevented me from killing you."

Amanda gulped. She wasn't that sure she should speak.

"So, deal?" Wilhelmina finally asked.

"Deal." Amanda agreed, smiling. She then came closer to Wilhelmina, really wanting to hug her. But the woman stiffened up as she felt the danger. "Don't you dare." She hissed.

Amanda stopped and, still smiling, asked, "Not even a little one?"

"No, and we're not going to link each other's little finger and sing some childish make up rhyme."

"Are you sure? You enjoyed it the last time."

Wilhelmina's stare however was an exhaustive answer. "Ok, I get it. Maybe I should go back to work." Amanda eventually said.

Not saying anything else, she reached the door and went back to her desk in the fashion department. Wilhelmina followed her with her eyes for a while: as much she was sorry for Marc not returning yet, there was still a part of her genuinely glad that the strange cohabitation was going on a little more.

xXx

Amanda had returned to her desk, but in the three hours which had passed, she hadn't actually written a single line. She took care of a column about the most notable assemblies of celebrities, describing them in detail and giving notice on what was right and what was wrong, giving suggestions to readers to emulate the good ones. In fact, that was pretty close to what her job was as a stylist, and despite Wilhelmina not giving her more than an half page, she liked doing it. Plus, people recognized she was kind of competent at it, and everyone knows how much Amanda loved receiving compliments.

She tried to force herself to stare at the screen of her computer, or at the photos she was supposed to write about, but it just didn't work. Everytime, her look slipped to the phone. She wanted to call Marc, that's all. Or maybe _he _would call her. It'd be nice, if it came from him.

But the phone didn't ring, and she couldn't decide to pick up and call, and three hours had passed. She tried one last time to keep her eyes on the white page to be filled. Nothing came.

"Damn you, Marc St. James. And damn you, Wilhelmina Slater. Damn you all, you're all so busy making me mad." She eventually grumbled, closing the file and standing up.

She was about to leave the room and go collect Leah from Claire when the phone rang. Even before the second ring, her hand was already on it. She grabbed it, however, she didn't immediately pick up.

"Don't worry Amanda." She said to herself. "You can't slap him though the phone. Or you can?"

The phone kept on ringing. "Whatever." She added, and finally brought the receiver to her ear.

"Hello!" She exclaimed, hopefully.

"Uhm, sorry… I'm afraid I dialled the wrong number." A deep, masculine voice answered her.

"Who are you?" She replied; but the only reply was the dial tone, ringing abruptly in her ear.

"Fuck you idiot." Amanda burst out. She hung up, but no more than a second after, she took the receiver again.

"I'm already holding it… let's do it."

She dialled Marc's Parisian number. "And don't try to avoid me with some stupid time zone excuse." She muttered as she dialled.

Amanda actually hoped the waiting would have lasted as long as possible. It usually happened, after all, it was a transatlantic call. But to her joy, this time he answered right away.

"_Allô_?"

"What?"

"Amanda, it's you!"

He had immediately recognized her, and although she had probably called to insult him and throw up her indignation for him giving Wilhelmina the task of telling her about his prolonged stay in France, he felt extremely happy to hear her voice.

"Yes, it's me, you coward of a queen." Amanda hissed.

"Look… I'm sorry. It's just, Wilhelmina told me you were already mad at her, so I thought that maybe if she was the one telling you… I thought it would be easier for you to be angry with one person at time." He tried to excuse himself.

"It makes sense." Amanda noticed. That was the kind of the excuse they used with each other. "And you're right, now I am only mad at one person…"

"See! I was right!" Marc said.

"It's not Wilhelmina. Actually, we made it up."

"That means…" Amanda heard Marc gulping.

"It means now I'm only mad at you, I thought it was obvious."

"I'm sorry Mandy, but I swear to you, a month passed faster than expected…"

"It's not about that." Amanda stopped him. "I'm only angry because you didn't tell me yourself."

"I told you…"

"Yeah yeah." Amanda interrupted him. "Look, it doesn't matter now. Do what you have to and… come home soon."

"I promise I'll be back as soon as this month has passed."

"You promise?" She insisted, pushing away all the past disappointment.

"I do. But you have a promise to keep too, remember."

"Seriously, you are not in a good position to ask for promises back." Amanda joked, smiling and not even realizing it.

"Yeah." Marc chuckled. "Whatever. Just, please keep that one."

"Ok ok." Amanda replied. "I renew my promise too, happy?"

"Sure. I love you Mandy, you know that?" Marc took leave.

"Yes. I love you too." She answered, closing the call.

"Like it's that easy. Not everyone is lucky as you, Marc-y Marc." She muttered to herself. Sighing, she turned off her pc, picked up her purse and Leah's bag, ready to go.

xXx

_Marc carefully opened __the door of Amanda's hospital door. He peeked inside first, checking if she was awake, and saw she was sleeping instead. He decided to enter anyway, even he would have to watch her sleep for hours. _

_Quietly, he entered, trying__ to close the door behind him without making noise. He felt guilty enough for not being with her during the delivery, so it'd be better for him at least not to disturb her resting. _

_Taking__ a chair, he sat next to her bed, and he stayed for a while, just staring at her sleeping. _

_Then, __unexpectedly__, Amanda __spoke__. __"Are you going to stare at me all day?" _

_Marc chuckled. "You were awake all the time, wer__en't you?" _

"_Maybe." Amanda smiled. "But I liked it. Creepy, but nice." _

"_How are you?" He asked. _

"_Exhausted__. Have you already seen her?" _

_Marc nodded. "Yup, I was__ at the nursery right before coming here."_

"_She's beautiful, i__sn't she?" _

"_Yes, she is. From__ what I managed to see, she has your eyes. And your nose… the old one, I'm sorry." _

"_Oh shut up." Amanda said with a laugh. "My daughter has a perfectly shaped nose."_

"_Yes, of course she has." Marc confirmed. _

"_What's that face?" She questioned then, looking at his stare on her. "Now, you're looking at me like that time I accidentally wore a blouse from two years ago… you know, I still can't understand how on earth it could be in my wardrobe."_

"_It was Betty's, and it's just…. Your eyes as you said 'my daughter.' They were, well, sparkling."_

"_You have to get used to this." Amanda smiled sweetly. _

"_Do you feel ready?" _

"_Yeah, yeah… damn it. I've never been so scared in my entire life." She confessed. _

_Marc grabbed her hand. "Mandy, I'm so sorry…"_

"_Don't you dare." Marc felt Amanda's hold tighten. "Don't you dare" She repeated. "Don't you dare to do something stupid like leave your work in Paris to stay here."_

"_I… Me… How did you know I was about to say that__?"_

"_Just don't. I don't want you and your career to suffer for me and my troubles." She said. Her voice firm and strong, her tone the loudest she could't get in her weakness. "It's a unique opportunity for you. You'll have time later to play the role of the eccentric gay friend she'll end up calling 'uncle'" _

"_And what will you do__ 'til then?" _

"_I'll manage to cope__ with everything, I hope. Not to mention, Wilhelmina has been, yeah, great these days."_

_Marc's face immediately left the 'sweetly amazed' for the 'confused, still surprised, actually worried.' "You know, you two are the strangest pair since De Vito and __Schwarzenegger. Of course, Willie is Schwarzenegger… you know, I think she even dated him once." _

"_You're right, and I'm the first who sometimes still believes she's just waiting for the right time to eat me up but… this kinda works."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_She's helping me, and somehow I guess I'm helping her too."_

"_So it's like a mutual assistance between fabulous woman ditched and deceived by jackass men?" _

_Amanda sighed. She was getting sick and tired of hearing everyone talk that way about what had happened. "Marc…" _

"_Yeah yeah, I know your opinion. Changing subject, you haven't told if you've picked out a name for her yet. Please," he added noticing Amanda biting her bottom lip."Please, don't tell me it's Lindsay."_

"_It would be a nice name but, no, it's not Lindsay." Amanda quickly answered. _

"_So why the guilty face?"_

_Amanda looked away from Marc. "I… We decided on Leah, a long time ago."_

_Marc tried not to consider the reference to Tyler. "It's after someone?" He asked._

"_It was his adoptive mother name. She passed away a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant. He was really fond of her, so it seemed nice to commemorate her this way."_

"_Even after what's happened?"_

"_Mostly because of what'__s happened."_

_Marc stood up. "Where are you going now?" Amanda asked him._

"_You have to rest, it's better for me to go."_

"_Oh no, please stay. I'll sleep, I promise." She begged. _

"_Yeah, and you won't pretend like before?" _

_He bent__ over her and kissed gently her forehead. "I'll be back later, don't worry." He whispered in her ear. "Now, sleep."_

_Amanda slightly nodded. He reached the doorstep, but before leaving he added something._

"_Be brave, and be kind. Promise me that."_

"_What?"_

"_I heard it__ in some indie song on the radio. It sounds like a good advice." _

"_I don't even get what it means."_

"_Just promise."_

"_Ok, I promise."_

"_Good girl. See you later." He eventually said, waving to her. _

_Amanda watched him moving away, then closed her eyes. Would she really manage to get away from it?_

xXx

Finally his first day back was at an end. Daniel smiled, considering that the previous morning he hadn't suspected, not even a little, that he would end up working in this building again. Ok, maybe the possibility had occurred to him a couple of times, but he had surely never thought it would be at Hudson. He had talked about the possibility with Alexis, but it was more a midsummer lazy hypothesis than a real thing. Anyway, now it had happened, and he was happy for it. At least, he was home now.

Sleepy, because of the sleepless previous night and the intense first day – no matter what Wilhelmina thought about it – he stifled a yawn, noticing that who he was waiting for was arriving in the hall.

"Hey there." He greeted Wilhelmina, Amanda and Leah. "I was looking for you."

"I thought you were waiting for bedtime." Wilhelmina joked. She had noticed him yawning, of course.

"That doesn't count. I want to apologize for earlier."

"Don't worry Daniel." Amanda said. "I'm not upset because you believed I'm having an affair with Wilhelmina."

Wilhelmina quickly looked at her, then at Daniel. "You believed _what_?"

"I'd rather you didn't know that." Daniel simply answered, then hissed to Amanda. "Was that necessary?"

"Uhm, sorry. You know, we'd better get going to the car. Leah, say bye to your dirty uncle. _Bye dirty uncle Danny!_" She joked again with a childish voice, moving her daughter's hand like she was waving at Daniel.

Daniel smiled at the little girl. "Bye bye honey!" He said, grabbing and kissing her little hand. "See you soon. And dear, I'm not that dirty."

Amanda chuckled entering the car. "Yeah, sure."

Wilhelmina was entering the car too, but Daniel stopped her. "Wait. It was mostly to you that I want to apologize."

"There's no need. Promise you'll stop with the 'I told you so's' and we're going to do great." She answered, already holding the car door.

"I wish we could talk about the whole matter more calmly." Daniel insisted. "What about dinner?" He asked her.

Wilhelmina looked sceptical. "Tonight?"

Amanda chimed in from the car. "Don't worry Wilhelmina, I'll record your _Grey's Anatomy_."

Daniel raised his eyebrows, starting to giggle.

"What?" Wilhelmina answered, renouncing to defend her reputation. "Tonight is the season finale!"

"Oh, I see. So, no dinner?"

"Did you not hear her?" She replied. "She'll record it. So, where are we going?"

**A****uthor's note: **_Dear readers, I'm leaving for a week, so I won't write for a while. For you, this means new chapters won't be up before the second half of August - I'm sorry! I hope you enjoyed what this story has been 'til now, and please, don't be afraid to review and tell me your honest opinion. _

_It's also time for begin to say thanks: a big, big thank you to Kirsten who has taken care of the betareading and, most of all, tolerated me these days. _

_Cheers,_

_Lu _


	6. Never say you miss me

**VI. Never say you miss me**

"And suddenly she started laughing. All at once, I honestly didn't see it coming, she never did it before. I don't know, probably she just found funny that neither of us knew how to assemble a damn baby toy."

Wilhelmina couldn't avoid smiling widely while recounting the episode of daily life in her home.

"And what did you two do next?" Daniel asked. Wilhelmina, sat with him at the table, started to find it hard not to burst out laughing.

"We… we started laughing too!" She answered, finally giving in and laughing. "And we kept on for several minutes. I guess we found it funny too somehow."

Daniel chuckled with her. When they first entered the _Stella_, the closest and finest restaurant they could find, where they could be accepted without reservation, he certainly didn't think they would end up telling, and listening to, funny baby stories, and laughing at them. He certainly didn't think he would end up listening to _her_ laughing.

"What's wrong?" She asked still laughing. Daniel was surprised by the question: he hadn't realized he had assumed a really concerned face.

"Uh?" He just muttered. "Uhm, nothing. It's… I'm not used to you _laughing_."

"You aren't?" Wilhelmina replied, with still a cheery expression. "I thought we'd passed that phase. Or do you still consider me a soulless creature who spends her night eating up children?"

"No no. That's my mother." He joked. "It's just… given the situation, I'm actually surprised at your reaction."

"What did you expect?"

"I don't know… you perpetually devoted to work? Surely, not you smiling and laughing and having bright eyes talking about a baby, who happens to be of my family…"

"You should know I hate cliché," Wilhelmina explained. "Sinking in work to compensate a disappointment in ones love life? So cliché! Welcoming a newborn baby and her absolutely dysfunctional and crazy mother into my home? An interesting new rebound experience."

"So, that's it? You get over everything this way?"

"I've never said I'm over it"

With this last sentence all the cheerfulness was gone. Observing Wilhelmina's features losing the, well, sweetness gained during the past minutes made Daniel actually feel a little guilty. She was enjoying a moment of peace, and he ruined it.

"Sometimes... Sometimes it happened to me," Daniel reprised, unable not to make worse the situation. "Sometimes I thought about our last meeting before I left."

"And?"

"I remember your look. It was... It was pure joy."

Wilhelmina sighed heavily. "Why you're telling me this, now?"

"I think it's deeply unfair you didn't keep that look."

"Stop talking like that." Wilhelmina's tone suddenly changed. Her voice was gaining an angry edge. "Why are you so interested in this story? Why are you so interested in our.. In _my _feelings?"

"I'm sorry… and I guess I feel guilty too, because I didn't do anything."

"What do you think you could have done? Nothing. You couldn't do anything…as I couldn't."

"But..." Daniel tried to debate, but immediately Wilhelmina stopped him.

"But what? You weren't on that goddamned boat, you didn't destroy in a day all you had built with the one you said to love!"

Daniel looked at Wilhelmina. She probably hadn't even realized that she had raised her voice to almost shouting, that - and this shocked Daniel more than anything - a tear was streaming down her face.

"Wilhelmina... Are you ok?" He asked, doing what he seemed to him the most natural and best thing to do with a woman – even if it was Wilhelmina Slater - on the verge of crying in a public place. He took her right hand, rested on the table, and gently squeezed it.

If he would have dared to do something of that kind in any other moment, she probably would have killed him on the spot. But right now she allowed him to share her moment of weakness for a while, to promise with only a gesture that eventually, somehow, everything would be fine.

"I... I have to powder my nose."

In the second her whisper came, their hands parted from each other. She stood up and dried her wet face, and stared at him.

"When I'm back, do you mind taking me home?" She asked quietly.

Daniel only nodded in assent. She didn't add anything else, just moved away to the bathroom.

xXx

Wilhelmina reached the bathroom as fast as she could, trying desperately to stop all the feelings that all at once had decided to overwhelm her. Once in there, she quickly went to the nearest washbasin and turned the water tap, washing her face with cold water. She couldn't explain what had just happened. Not only had she let sorrow overwhelm her stability, she had done this in front of Daniel freaking Meade.

Holding the washbasin tightly with both her hands, she raised her eyes up to the mirror. The woman reflected was miles away from the strong one she used to be in the past months. Tears and water had spoilt her usually perfect make up, and now black signs were all around her eyes, opened wide.

"Damn, you look like a goddamned panda." She muttered to herself.

She stared at herself a little more, terrified and shocked by her own sight in such conditions, then moved her to look in her purse, resting on the verge of the washbasin. Compulsively, almost angrily, she started looking for a tissue to dry the mess.

"Damn you, damn you… you don't even deserve my tears!" She exclaimed when she didn't find any. "Damn you!" She repeated, slamming her purse against the floor.

Sorrow had soon turned to pure anger. Connor Owens just didn't deserve her tears. He had betrayed her not once, but twice, he had destroyed, in a day, their life together, all they had fought for. If that weren't enough, he had dragged the other two – _three, _considering Leah – into this madness, they should have had their entire lives ahead of them, but instead their existences were falling apart.

She thought of the little girl and her mother: she couldn't deny that one of the reasons that she'd moved her in her house was to be forced to maintain a mask of straightness twenty-four hours a day. Having someone you would never cry in front of is a good way not to do it, she believed. However, it actually happened to her once, but this could be considered a good average. Twice, was too much.

Was it her fault? No. It was Daniel's. She wasn't mad at him, God's sake, for once he didn't do anything wrong. But it was undeniable his return had moved something. She had found a pretty good balance, and so had Amanda, but the simple fact of telling the whole story again was like living it again, and all the anger, the sorrow, the doubts and the devastating certainties were all at once on them again.

She was about to pick up her purse from the floor when her cellular rang. _Barbie Girl _was diffused in the room, and Wilhelmina immediately knew Amanda was calling.

"What?" Wilhelmina said.

"Oh, hi there." Amanda answered. "I was wondering, do we have any ice-cream left?"

"Uh? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Ice-cream. You know, those chocolate tubs you'd hidden in the bottom of the freezer. I finished them, so I wondered if there's any more in the house."

"Doesn't it suggest something at the fact they were, well, _hidden_?"

"That you are ashamed to be seen eating ice-cream. Well, actually you are ashamed to be seen eating, and so am I, but you know, until it's in the hous-"

"Stop babbling whatever you're babbling about." Wilhelmina interrupted her. "What do you want?"

"Can you buy some?"

Wilhelmina sighed. "Wait. You're asking me to buy something you finished despite the fact that you _were not_ supposed to eat it?"

"Exactly. Can you?"

Amanda didn't receive any answer though. Wilhelmina closed the call, and sighed heavily. Then, after a while, she couldn't help but laugh.

xXx

_They were walking along a beach somewhere in the bay, hand in hand. With her free hand, Amanda was holding an ice-cream cone, which she was eating heartily. The only thing that really annoyed her in that late March warm day was the wind, blowing high. _

"_Isn__'__t this like your fourth cone?" Tyler asked her, stopping the walk and smiling at her. _

"_Mmh, you__'__re wrong." She giggled, and took another bite. "There are two of us here, so it__'__s only the second one for me. Ask your baby about the others."_

_He pulled her closer to him and caressed her stomach. "You know, I still have to get used to it." _

"_You__'__re telling me." She confirmed. "I think it about every day. Sometimes, I__'__m also afraid I__'__m not that prepared for it."_

"_Hey hey hey," Tyler immediately comforted his girlfriend, "You don__'__t have anything to be afraid of. You__'__ll be great." _

_Still holding her by hand, he moved the other one in her hair, brushing it, and kissed her gently. "We__'__ve been through so much," He reprised. "that we so deserve a little happiness. So please push away every bad thought and trust me. I tell you everything will be ok? And so it will be."_

"_You know I trust you." She said in a whisper. Then they kissed again, more deeply. _

"_You taste of chocolate." _

_At his comment, she chuckled. He was about to take another kiss from her but she exclaimed, "OMG. Aren__'__t those two over there Wilhelmina and Connor?"_

_Tyler turned around. "Yup. They are. They__'__re probably going to Wilhelmina__'__s cottage too."_

_Amanda pulled him by his sleeve. "Too?" _

"_Oh, have I not mentioned the fact the cottage we were in last night is hers?"_

_The girl left him and started doing little jumps on the spot. "Oh my Lady Gaga! We were in a property of Wilhelmina Slater? How did you manage that?"_

"_Connor gave me the key and permission, provided that we left it early this morning." _

"_Ok, taking no notice of whatever is going on between you and Mr. Jailhouse-Australia, you__'__re seriously telling me we have slept in Wilhelmina__'__s cottage? That we…" She lowered her voice. "That we have had sex in her bed, on her couch __–__ against HER fridge?"_

"_When we did it, it didn__'__t sound that embarrassing." He commented. _

"_Hey, let__'__s say hi to them." She said, and then she raised one arm and started waving energetically. "Hi there!"_

_Noticing her, Wilhelmina barely looked at her. Connor instead returned the greeting. "Hi!"_

_Right after the other two kept on walking on their way. Tyler brought his look back on Amanda. "Honey, we didn__'__t leave anything of ours in the cottage, right?" _

"_Uhm… no. Oh wait." Tyler__'__s face turned to the concerned. "The ice-cream. I may have left some tubs and cones in the freezer."_

_He burst out laughing. "Well, let__'__s hope they like chocolate!" _

xXx

"So, let me understand." Daniel began, looking at the two shopping bags he was holding. "You bought ice-cream because Amanda asked you to, but you're going to hide it from her."

Wilhelmina, proceeding next to him, nodded. "Exactly."

Daniel smiled. "You know, this is a little nonsensical."

"This is the kind of thing that happens when that girl is in the house." Wilhelmina commented. "And I think she thinks she's the only to profit from our ice-cream supplies."

Daniel stopped abruptly. "Have you just admitted you eat this too?"

"No I haven't."

"Yes, you have." He insisted. "Wilhelmina Slater stifles her love pains in ice-cream like us, simple mortals."

"Stop grinning like an idiot please."

"And you prove me I'm wrong."

Saying that, he sat on some stairs, in front of some door around Wilhelmina's apartment, and brought one of the ice-cream tubs out.

"What are you doing?" She asked. "_That_ is mine."

"Oh, we're getting possessive here. So, I'm gonna taste some. Want to join?"

"How do you intend to eat them, _licking_?"

In response, Daniel took out and shook a spoon in front of her. "Don't you know they give you spoons free with the ice-cream?"

He then opened a tub and immersed the spoon in it. "Sure you don't even want a little bit?"

Daniel was about to put the spoon in his mouth when she grabbed it, and sat next to him, eating its content.

"I knew it!"

"Shut up." She muttered, still enjoying the chocolate flavor. "Tell anyone what you are looking at, and you are a dead man."

"I'll take it to my grave." He promised, taking the other spoon.

They stayed silent for a couple of minutes, slowing enjoying the delicious ice-cream. He couldn't help thinking that seeing Wilhelmina crying and eating chocolate ice-cream in the same day was indeed a unique experience. At this thought, he smirked.

"What?" She inquired.

"Nothing."

She took another bite of chocolate. "Tell me something about you too."

"Uh? Wasn't tonight dedicated to _your_ situation?"

"Hey, you can't be the only to play to the little shrink. I want to!" She persisted.

"Ok ok. What do you want to know?"

"The little Poncho girl. What's happened with her? Claire sometimes says really bizarre things about you both."

"Wilhelmina Slater! I didn't pin you as such a chatty woman!"

"Don't avoid the question. I'm waiting, so?"

Daniel took a bigger dose of ice-cream. "There's nothing to say. When I reached her in London I believed certain things-"

"Daniel, I'm eating, so please skip all the body-fluids-exchange parts and go straight to the point."

"This is the point. There's… no point. I told you, I believed certain things… which turned out to be only in my mind."

Wilhelmina chuckled, some ice-cream still in her mouth. "Oh dear God, you've been rejected by Betty _Killer Poncho_ Suarez. Sorry," She added, noticing Daniel's embarrassed face, "I can't help myself."

"I've not been rejected." He pointed out. "We came to an understanding - together, don't make faces – it's not like I believed…"

"So, that's why you left London?" She asked.

"It may have contributed… Ok it's the main reason." He added, when she raised her eyebrows.

Wilhelmina kept on eating the delicious chocolate ice-cream. She'd better eat the more she could, until it was safe. Daniel's report on his _relationship_, or whatever was, with the little Mexican, however was making her thinking that probably she had made the same mistake – believe one thing in place of another. She believed Connor loved her, but evidently she was wrong.

Her eyes slipped to her watch. "I'd better go home now." She took the tub from Daniel's hand, closed it and gave him it back, with both the spoons. "You can keep it. I don't want Amanda to notice some has gone."

She stood up, as he did. They walked a short distance, to the main entrance of Wilhelmina's building.

"So, guess it's time to say goodbye." He said once there.

"You guess right. Thank you for the delightful night."

"You've just used the world "delightful" related to me?"

She smirked. "It's the serotonin released because of the chocolate. It makes me say monstrous things."

"I see. Oh, speaking of chocolate… if you don't want Amanda to know, you should take care of the details too."

He gently stoked the right corner of her mouth. "There's still some here." He whispered, cleaning it away.

However, even when she was clean he didn't move his fingers away immediately. As it had been earlier that night, he somehow found it interesting; the warm feeling under his skin. Her eyes weren't watery as before, on the contrary they were now kinda perky, which made her whole face a lot more – well, attractive. He was so close now...

"I really should go now." She finally said, escaping from his touch.

"Good night." He only managed to say, but she was already entering the building.

Wilhelmina had gone fast from the street to the main door, she hadn't notice there was someone peeking from behind the glass.

Amanda in fact had been faster than her, and she had quickly run up the stairs. She couldn't think of anything other than that Wilhelmina, just a few hours after they made up, had managed to enrage her again.

**Author's note: **_I'm sorry it took so long to update, but a series of unlucky events have schemed against us lol  
_

_Anyway, I invite you, if you like, to read foolcklw's "Because we are human" : you'll get why as soon as the page is opened :P _

_A few thanks: to Kiana, who I disturbed for this chapter and it's ended up she's worked for nothing (but not the feedback!) and of course to K, who has managed to beta'd this after all. _

_Cheer,  
Lu_


	7. Dollhouse

**VII. Dollhouse**

When Wilhelmina entered her kitchen for her usual morning, coffee based, breakfast, she surprisingly found Amanda already there. The younger woman had been awake for several minutes before her, since she was already perfectly dressed – and this used to take her ages –and seemed to have almost finished breastfeeding Leah.

"Good morning." Wilhelmina politely said. Only then did Amanda raise her stare from her daughter and she appeared as if she had just noticed the other person. "Good morning." She muttered in response.

Wilhelmina reached the coffee pot, she had another surprise: someone had already made it. "You made coffee?"

Amanda didn't answer, and returned her attention to Leah, still at her breast.

"Yes, it's definitely yours." Wilhelmina reprised, after a sip. It was the worst coffee she had ever drank in her whole life.

Sighing, since no signs of a response came from Amanda, she headed for the shelf where the coffee was conserved. Only then did she notice the big, shiny new high chair placed in a corner. She forgot the coffee for the moment, and came closer the new object to better examine it: completely white, austere, elegant. Wilhelmina smirked, thinking of what it could have been if Amanda had actually chosen it.

"Why's it here?" She asked. "You don't like it?"

Amanda shook her head. "No, it's fine."

"What's wrong then?"

"Nothing."

"You're not going to use it, are you?" Wilhelmina insisted.

Again, no kind of answers came from the other woman. Wilhelmina, for several moments, didn't say or do anything; choosing instead to observe Amanda, to try and read her face and determine what could be wrong. The truth was that a similar scene had been repeating in the previous three days. At first Wilhelmina had just decided not to care that she were being ignored that way, now her ego was beginning to feel offended. She knew Amanda had the bad habit of not telling someone immediately when they hurt her, but she also knew she had learnt to be somehow open with her, like it had been right after Daniel's arrival.

Wilhelmina was still staring at Amanda when someone knocked at the door. Lily of course, she thought, while reaching it and opening. "I didn't give you a key so you could keep on knocking and waiting for me to open." She observed as the tiny assistant entered.

"I'm sorry." Lily excused. "But I didn't want to disturb."

"Well, you did. Why are you here anyway?"

"I'm here to pick you up, you said we were going together to the photo-shoot."

"Oh yeah." Wilhelmina had almost forgotten.

"Are we going straight there?" Lily asked again.

"Yes, we are. Enter, I have to finish, well, _breakfast_."

"What's wrong?" The assistant asked as they went to the kitchen.

Wilhelmina sighed. "Amanda's made coffee."

"Oh… I see. Do you want me to make a new pot?"

"Good girl. You know where the coffee is." Wilhelmina confirmed, and went sitting back at the table. There, she noticed that Amanda had finished feeding Leah and now was walking in circles with the baby rested on her shoulder, awaiting a burp.

"You know, your baby is getting cuter everyday." Lily said then, in the desperate attempt to fill the awkward silence which had fallen again in the room.

"Thank you Lily. Oh, and thank you for the high chair too." Amanda politely answered. "Why are you here anyway, besides making coffee?"

"Oh Wilhelmina and I are going to this fabulous photoshoot we've arranged with the Hudson guys." Lily's voice was excited; Wilhelmina had given her new responsibilities at work, considered sudden by some, and she felt so proud of what she was becoming.

"Hudson?" Amanda voice piqued. Interested at the unexpected addition, rather than Lily's contribution.

"Yeah. Mrs. Meade wanted to organize something to celebrate her son's return, so I proposed to have them join our Dollhouse themed photo-shoot_. _You should see the doll-_ish_ dresses we have for it; so cute."

"I'm sure they're fabulous. So, everyone is gonna be there, huh?"

"Not you, if you're asking." Wilhelmina intervened. "I haven't seen your piece for the next issue yet."

Lily immediately served her boss a fresh sup of coffee, to calm her. "Let me think..." She reprised, answering Amanda. "Five models, a couple of editors, and Daniel with his new assistant. Do you know him? He's the sweetest boy I ever met…"

"I'm glad you found love Lily, but could you please try not to spill all my coffee on the floor?"

Wilhelmina's icy voice quickly brought Lily back to this reality, before spilling all the coffee because she was lost in her love-sick thoughts.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Wilhelmina!" The girl immediately apologized, picking up a cloth to clean her mess.

Amanda meanwhile chuckled softly, hoping the other two would not notice her. She had met Daniel's assistant, Edwin, once; when he was still a temporary worker at Mode. He was like a strange combination of Marc and Henry, Betty's, used-to-be, nerdy lover. This latter resemblance actually made him the perfect match for Lily.

Meanwhile Wilhelmina finished her coffee, and was already on the kitchen's threshold when she announced, "We are going, do you want a lift? Meade's on the way."

"No." Amanda muttered. "I have… I still have something to do."

"Whatever, just hurry. Just because I won't be at office doesn't allow you to arrive late."

Amanda nodded. Wilhelmina however didn't leave her spot for a moment: she was staring at her again, still confused about her behavior. In more than six months of cohabitation, Amanda had never said no to a drive in the company limo.

xXx

"Lily, remind me why I said yes to such a _original_ theme."

Wilhelmina sat right next the photographer, Vincent Bianchi, as poor Lily stood behind them.

"Because Mrs. Meade chose it, and you have enough issues to deal with, so you didn't want waste time with her discussing it."

"Lily, what I have told you about retorical questions?" Wilhelmina immediately observed. Lily answered with a gulp. "I'm sorry."

Vincent Bianchi smiled. "Your new assistant is much nicer than that Marc."

"Yes, it's like a thinner, paler Betty Suarez. Which I haven't figured out yet if it's good or bad."

The photographer grinned. "Anyway, I'm done with yours girl. Do you know why the Hudson guys aren't here yet?"

Wilhelmina's head turned to him. "Are they not?"

"Do you see them anywhere?" He joked. Wilhelmina didn't answer him, and turned back to Lily. "Find out why. Now."

Lily executed her boss's orders immediately. Quickly, she grabbed her phone and dialed Daniel's office number.

"Daniel Meade's office, how can I help you?" Edwin's voice came from the receiver cheerful and warm.

"Edwin! It's me."

"Lily, dear! How are you? What brings you to let your voice cheer my day?"

"Oh Edwin!" Wilhelmina and Vincent Bianchi evidentely saw her blushing. "You're always so kind to me."

"It's not difficult, you're so beautiful!"

"Stop it, it's not true, you know it!" Lily refuted.

"Yes you are! The most beautiful girl I've ever met."

Lily's face had meantime turned to a deep red, that honestly Wilhelmina didn't believe the girl's pale skin could reach. The assistant drew up the receiver to her mouth. "Well, thank you."

A cough echoed in the studio. Lily's eyes slipped fearfully on Wilhelmina: definitely was time to cut off and go straight to the point.

She took a deep sigh, trying to strike an attitude. "Edwin, it's an important matter... why aren't you at the photo-shoot yet?"

"The photo-shoot?" Edwin's voice came surprised.

But Lily hadn't the time to clarify, since Wilhelmina had already snatched the phone from her hand and imperatively told him, "Put me through that moron boss of yours."

A gulp of pure fear was emitted by Edwin. "Yes ma'am."

"Hey Wilhelmina, what's the problem?"

Lily did what her grandmother always said her to do when she felt something bad was about to happen: she made the sign of the cross and started murmuring prayers. Vincent Bianchi instead started chuckling.

"WHERE the hell are you?" Wilhelmina shouted at the telephone.

"What are you talking about?" Daniel tried to ask.

"Are you kidding me? The photoshoot, you idiot!"

"What? It's supposed to be tomorrow!" Daniel exclaimed surprised.

"What's wrong with you!" Wilhelmina said furious. "You're here for less than a week and you have already reprised your scheming aganist me!"

"Scheming? Aganist _you? _" Daniel shouted too. "You have really mixed up memories about our past!"

"Well whatever, it's what you're doing!"

Vincent Bianchi bent over Lily and whispered her. "Dear God, it's was ages since I've seen scenes like this. It's a pity they aren't any puppies around."

"Puppies?" Lily inquired interrupting her prayers.

"There are so many funny stories about these two." The photographer answered.

"Dear God Wilhelmina, calm down!" Daniel continued, trying to create a more polite tone.

Her only answer this time was hanging up. Then, standing up, she ordered Lily. "Let's go. I have someone to kill."

The tiny assistant renewed the cross sign.

xXx

Amanda arrived, with Leah, in the cafeteria when the most of the Mode employers had already finished their low-calorie lunches. She felt a little disappointed: she had the habit of picking a table in a visible position and breastfeeding Leah, so that all the straight men and the lesbians at the office could try to take a peek at her boobs. It was always a good way to cheer her up.

"Well hi...look who's here."

Amanda turned, and found herself facing Mrs. Meade. "Oh, hey, here to lunch too?"

Claire smirked. "Actually, I have already eaten. I was feeling nostalgic of my favourite grandaughter." She explained, reaching for Leah. "Can I?"

"Sure." Amanda agreed, letting her grab the little girl. "You know you can spend all the time you like with her."

"They're all so cute at this age." Claire sighed, holding the little girl tighter.

"You have heard from DJ, haven't you?" Amanda had got the point.

Claire sighed, nodding. "Alexis called me last night. He has wrapped his math teacher's house with tons of toilet paper."

Amanda chuckled. "C'mon Mrs. Meade, we all wrapped our math teacher's house with toilet paper."

Claire raised an eyebrow. "Not that I've done that." Amanda hurried to specify.

"Yeah, I see. Anyway, has Wilhelmina come back from the photoshoot?"

"The one with Hudson? No, but the models have. What's happened? I know something must have went wrong, but those skinny bitches have refused to tell me."

Claire sat at a near table, inviting Amanda to do the same. Then she looked around her, checking if undesired ears were listening, and explained. "I've been told that Daniel and his team didn't show up at the photoshoot. Wilhelmina was...out of grace. God, I'd pay to be present at such a marvellous spectacle."

"No way!" Amanda exclaimed surprised.

"Apparently, someone called Hudson offices informing them the photoshoot had been rescheduled. This _someone_ was so convincing that everyone there believed, Daniel included. Tell me Amanda, how did you manage to fake Lily's voice so well?"

Amanda's face was invested by terror. She opened her eyes wide, her face began turning pale. Despite this, she babbled. "What? When? Where?" Claire smirked, as if saying 'I know you did this, stop pretending you didn't.' Even Leah seemed to have a similar stare, Amanda thought.

"Ok, I confess, I did it. How did you find out?"

Claire sighed. "So, it was you for real?"

Amanda raised her eyebrows. "You framed me! That's unfair!"

"Hey, I was investigating. It's a standard technique." Claire noted. "So, the question now is _why?"_

Amanda bit her bottom lip, feeling guilty, and afraid to tell of everyone Claire herself. "I wanted them to fight."

"I still don't understand."

Amanda gulped again. She didn't want to tell everything to Claire, it was none of her business. So, she had to find a way to distract her... what about her biggest fear?

"Well, a few days ago I was checking the building across from Wilhelmina's with my binocoulars – you know, Jake Gyllenhaal has recently moved there and I was trying to film something spicy to give Marc when he gets back."

"Oh... that's sweet, I guess." Claire commented.

"Anyway, looking around I saw Daniel and Wilhelmina sat on some stairs eating ice-cream."

Claire had to summon up all her strenghth not to let Leah fall. "They were doing _what_?"

"My ice-cream! Isn't it unbelieveble! I mean, offering her dinner wasn't enough?"

Now was Claire's turn to lose color in the face. "Well, a business dinner, what's wrong..." She tried to justify.

"They stayed there," Amanda went on, "Laughing and eating my ice-cream."

Leah did some kind of cry: Clare had suddenly strengthened the hold too hard. Amanda noticed this, and kept on with her story.

"So, I dashed out the apartment, down the stairs to the entrance. I was about to leave, when I noticed Wilhelmina and Daniel were no that far from me."

"What happened next?" Claire felt more and more terrified by the answers she could get.

"I stopped, and I stayed hidden. I had left the door opened a little, to observe. I couldn't listen to what they were saying, but I could see them. Oh, if I could..."

"What did you see?" Claire anxiously hissed.

"Daniel... Daniel was caressing her face."

Amanda had spoken with a voice that left very little to the imagination. She was insinuating something, a something Claire would have preferred was never ever insinuated by anyone.

"Do you think... do you think there's something?" Claire stumbled. "Do you think something has happened between... _them_?"

"I haven't said that, but you asked, so I told you what I saw."

Claire stared at her for a while, dazed. Then she stood up abrubtly, and handing Leah to her mother, murmuring. "I'm sorry dear, I have to go. I need... I need to talk with Daniel... _now_."

She rushed away, completely forgetting the main point: asking Amanda _why_ the night-time scene had persuaded her to play that little joke on Daniel and Wilhelmina.

xXx

The echo of her stilettos resounded menacingly for the whole Hudson office, terrorizing all the employees. One of the bravest ran to Edwin's desk, and shouted, "She's coming!"

Edwin slowly lifted his eyes, hidden behind big, thick glasses, and looked at his collegue who had just spoken: he was terrified.

"Who's coming?" Edwind gently asked.

"Wilhelmina Slater! And she's very, very angry... you'd better run away and hide in safe place!" And so the _brave_ employee did.

Edwin took a deep breath. But before he could think up a working plan to escape and alert his boss, _she_ was in front of him.

He quickly stood up and went in front of Daniel's door, in the desperate attempt to give Daniel some seconds more.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Slater, can I-"

Wilhelmina pushed him violently away, and flung open the door.

"Hey! In every evolved society there's the habit of knocking before entering any other room, have you ever heard of it?" Daniel exclaimed as she was in front of him.

"There's also the habit of not sabotaging other's persons work, but I'm not looking at details."

"Oh dear God! You know what? I'm not gonna let you insult me this way anymore, not after what I discovered."

"And what have you discovered?" Wilhelmina asked sarcastically.

"_Your _assistant called to tell us the photoshoot had been rescheduled. What's wrong with you!"

Wilhelmina didn't accept his challenge however, and suddenly calmed. She turned to the door and gently closed it.

"Lily called to tell you about a rescheduling?" She asked.

"Exactly. Edwind told me, and trust me, that guy'd never lie."

"And Lily wouldn't either. Oh my...how could I be so stupid!" She said, frustrated.

"What? Uhm...care to explain?"

"It's obvious Daniel! Someone has called here pretending to be Lily, so that you and your staff didn't come as we discussed."

"This... this doesn't make sense." Daniel commented.

"I know, who could want us fighting?"

"A fan of the dearest, old times?" Daniel joked.

Wilhelmina raised her eyebrows. "No."

"So, tell me! Who would be afraid of us not spending all our time at each others throats?"

"Someone who, after all, still sees me as the devil on earth." Saying these words, Wilhelmina had just been hit by a divine indication. "So tell me Daniel, who is it?" She added, now smirking.

Daniel threw his head back, sighing heavily. "My mother."

"Ten points for Mr. Meade here!" Wilhelmina said. "So, you told her about our little night out didn't you?"

"Yes, but-"

"Of course you did." She grumbled.

"C'mon, it's not like the first time. I don't see what could have upset her this way."

"We're talking of your mother, what surprises you exactly? With one son becoming a daughter and another one vanished with company's money, I can only imagine how she's worried for you."

"God forbid being nice with the Devil!"

"Yeah, that..." Wilhelnina commented at Daniel's attempt at being funny. "Anyway, tell her she's going to pay out of her own pocket for this little joke, I don't want the company to suffer for her senile dementia."

"Yes, of course. But you know what?"

Wilhelmina, who was already back at the door, turned again to him. "What?"

"We should get her back...play our own little joke"

xXx

At the end of the crazy working day, Daniel visited the Mode office, and as a part of him was absolutely enjoying what he was about to do – like a ten-year-old boy who is up to one of his pranks; the other part felt totally guilty, like the aforementioned boy being caught by his parents.

Fortunately for his divided conscience, he immediately singled his mother out the crowd of the employees reaching the exit. She was with Amanda, and Leah.

"Mum! Here you are! I looked for you everywhere!" He exclaimed coming closer to them.

"I can say the same of you." Claire answered. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing important. Hey there dear!" He said then, referring to Leah. "Can I hold her?"

"Sure." Amanda said, and she was already handing the baby to him when she froze.

"What's wrong?" Daniel asked, surprised.

Amanda pointed to his shirt's collar. "Mrs. Meade, in your opinion, is that a spot of lipstick?"

Claire observed the spot, which was effectively a lipstick one. A brilliant, deep red lipstick spot. "Daniel, please tell me you have tendencies like your used-to-be brother."

Daniel smirked. "Oh thank you mum... but no. You still have just one daughter."

Claire kept on feeling agitated. "I don't want to investigate your private life, but why does that color look so familiar to me?"

Amanda answered in place of Daniel. "Because it's the one Wilhelmina's wearing today."


	8. I wish I believed in fate

**VIII. I wish I believed in fate**

Claire actually stayed alive only because her heart had been taught such resilience through years and years of familiar scandals; ranging from sex changes to murder charges, passing through various alcoholic crisis. Still it took her all her strength to not die on the spot in that very moment.

"Daniel, please tell me that is not _her_ lipstick on your shirt." She murmured as a prayer.

He read in the pure desperation in his mothers eyes. He considered for a moment telling her it was all only a joke, it was only a way to punish her for intruding in his private live on some irrational and groundless suspicion, and having involved the company too. He eventually chose to keep silent, let her keep her suspicions.

He shrugged his shoulder. "Nice color anyway, isn't it? Oh," He said then, faking a surprised voice. "I didn't notice it was so late. I have to go! See you!"

Both Claire and Amanda raised an arm in a weak attempt to wave to him. He whispered a 'bye' to Leah, and then just turned and departed.

"Please tell me it's just a nightmare… Oh wait, I got it: I died and this is hell." Claire said.

"That bitch…" Amanda let out in a whisper.

"What?" Claire asked.

"Nothing!" Amanda immediately said back, blushing. "But you know what? Maybe… maybe I was wrong, maybe it wasn't Wilhelmina's…." Amanda tried to console her. After the initial shock, confusion had set in. As far as she was sure something was happening between Daniel and Wilhelmina, she didn't understand why on earth Daniel had hurled everything in his mothers face that way.

"No, you were right, it was hers! Daniel practically confirmed that." Claire answered, shaking her head because it seemed a good way to fight back the angry tears that were coming.

"So, what are you going to do now?" Amanda cautiously inquired.

"Confine Daniel in his room." Claire replied, after recovering a certain amount of composure.

"I admit that could be a brilliant solution, but I'm afraid there would be certain risks… what if he managed to escape? He's a brilliant man."

"No, he's not." Claire retorted.

"Ok, whatever, and what about Wilhelmina?" Amanda insisted. "Wouldn't it be better trying to understand what's really going on? I can ask her, we're roomies, she'll tell me everything…" She proposed. Her words had actually come much faster than intended: in fact, Amanda struggled between the disappointment Daniel and Wilhelmina had caused her, and the fear Wilhelmina would find out she was actually the one who had sabotaged the photoshoot.

"Don't worry dear, I can handle it. Actually, she's coming to me of her own will."

Amanda, now _really_ scared, looked around: Wilhelmina was coming closer to them.

"Amanda," Wilhelmina exclaimed once she reached her and Claire. "I'm coming home, are you doing me the honor of your company or do you 'have something to do' tonight too?"

"She's doesn't…but I do." Claire answered instead.

xXx

_Before Marc left for Paris, he and Amanda went together to Estella, the fashionable and classy baby store, for a goodbye session of shopping, no matter that it wouldn't be for them directly but for Mandy's upcoming baby. _

"_You really had to scare those kids?" Marc said laughing as they left the store. _

"_Oh my, that was so much fun. Did you see the little blonde's face?" Amanda replied, laughing too._

"'_Oh mummy, help me, help me!'" He imitated the kid. _

"_Ahahahah yeah, she was really frightened!"_

"_Wait, now that you're about to have one too, shouldn't you stop terrorizing other kids?" Marc questioned._

_Amada stopped laughing, letting a sweet smile take place on her face. "Sometimes I still forget I'm pregnant."_

"_You're telling me!"_

_She slackened her pace. "What I do not forget," She said. "It's that you're leaving for such a long time."_

_He stopped, and took her hand. "What's wrong? You were the one who insisted so much that you persuaded me to leave." _

"_And I still insist. It's just…" Amanda lowered her stare, looking at her stomach. "I wish you were with me, now that everything is going well in my life." _

"_Oh, don't worry honey. I told you, I'll be back sooner than it seems." He answered, wanting to cheer her up. _

"_Yeah! And it's not like I'm alone. I mean, there's my father every time he's back from L.A., and Mrs. Meade who's always so supportive with me, and this baby who's coming… and most of all, there's Tyler."_

_He assumed a skeptical look. "Yeah, Tyler…"_

"_You don't like him, don't you?" _

_"Oh, he's hot, and sweet, and hot." Marc tried to say. _

"_Of course he's hot." Amanda confirmed, smirking. "So, what's your problem with him?" _

_He mentally cursed himself. Too late. Probably the world was telling him it was time to sincerely deal with the question. "Mandy, he was an alcoholic. How long has he been out of rehab this time? Five months?" _

"_Four month, three weeks and five days." She whispered. _

"_You're counting the days?" _

"_Yeah, because we have officially been a couple since then!" Amanda explained proudly, smiling again._

_Marc sighed. "What if one day he drinks again? From what I know he could be pretty violent when he's drunk…"_

_Amanda left Marc's hand and took a step behind, grumbling. "It's not happening."_

"_He shot Wilhelmina!" _

"_It… that was an accident." Amanda babbled. "Oh c'mon, why he would drink and shoot people?"_

"_I'm not saying he's gonna do it…"_

"_You're not?" Amanda cried out. "Oh you're not. You leave and tell me 'oh, hey, your boyfriend is going to return to the bottle and shoot you and your baby'!"_

"_It's because I'm leaving I don't want you-"_

_"Why you didn't you tell me this before?" Amanda suddenly asked. She wasn't shouting anymore. _

"_I don't know. Maybe because, since I'm leaving you can't kill me in anger." He joked. _

_This calmed her a little. "Look. I understand if you're worried but… trust me when I say he's not going to ruin everything. Just… look in his eyes when he talks of the baby, or looks at me."_

"_Yeah…" Marc came closer to her again and grabbed both her hands, letting all the shopping bags fall. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."_

_She let him hold her hands. "Marc, he really loves me. And I love him. We couldn't be happier."_

"_And it will be forever?"_

"_Oh dear God! Marc St. James, don't bring bad luck!" Amanda burst out laughing. _

"_Ok ok, I'm not saying it anymore…" Marc smiled too._

"_Anyway," Amanda decided to answer after all. "If things ever stop being this great, I'll fight to make them so again."_

"_Whatever happens?"_

"_Whatever. He's my one." She proclaimed., "You know, if your find yours, you do all you have to." _

"_I see. Oh my," He added then, releasing her hands and retrieving the shopping bags. "You are so in love, it's kinda sickening!" _

_A full, big, lit up smile invaded Amanda's face. For a moment, Marc actually thought she could be happy for real. _

xXx_  
_

"What's the problem?" Wilhelmina asked Claire. The tone was of sincere unawareness was clearly disproved by her eyes, shining in a way that promised nothing good.

"You know perfectly well, you whore!" Claire shouted.

"Someone is in a bad temper today, is it an effect of menopause?" Wilhelmina commented sarcastically.

Claire moved a few steps closer to Wilhelmina. "Amanda, can you please leave us alone? I don't want the baby to see this."

Amanda held Leah tightly; because of her, Claire was probably about to kill Wilhelmina on the spot. For as much Amanda didn't approve of her behavior, she hadn't intended to cause such an explosive scene either.

"Mrs. Meade, wouldn't be better to calm down first? Not to mention…" She came behind Claire and reached her left ear to whisper. "I'm afraid in a physical confrontation, she will win."

"She's right Amanda, go away. Wait for me in the car." Wilhelmina ordered her. "Go!" She added, noticing Amanda hadn't moved an inch.

"Yes ma'am." The girl eventually replied. She walked away, without further comment, throwing stares every two steps to the upcoming duelers. She was sure she had just created a big mess.

Waiting for Amanda and the leftover employees to leave, Claire and Wilhelmina simply stared at each other for some minutes, there, in the middle of the Mode lobby, looking like two duelers about to fight to the death.

"Now we are alone." Claire started. The time they chose to wait had allowed her to calm down a little. "So, are you going to give me a plausible explanation on what is going on between you and Daniel?"

"Huh? I don't have any idea what you're talking about." Wilhelmina lied.

"Let me guess: you don't have any idea of how your lipstick has ended up on my son's shirt!"

Wilhelmina bit down slightly on her bottom lip, her _brilliant, deep red_ bottom lip.

"I told him to be careful…"

Claire couldn't help but start trembling. "Oh my God. Oh my God." She began finding difficulty breathing too.

"How did this happen?" Claire inquired again. "How on earth has he gone from Betty Suarez to… to _YOU_!"

Wilhelmina chucked, thinking of what Daniel told her about his 'story' with Betty. "Claire, I warmly recommend you have a little talk with Daniel about his private life. You really need an update."

"You… you…. I thought you had changed! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"_I _thought things _had_ changed! Seriously Claire, you really believe there's an affair between me and Daniel?"

Claire looked at the other, shocked. "What… what?"

"You understood perfectly. There's nothing." Wilhelmina finally confessed.

"I… Is this another one of your diabolic tricks?" Claire asked.

"Oh, you think always the worst of people. Let's say… just an innocent joke." Wilhelmina explained, still chuckling.

"Do you think this is funny?" Claire burst out. "Tell me, do you think this is funny?"

"Yes, extremely. And speaking of fun, do you find funny messing up the most important photo-shoot of the coming months due to your stupid motherly instincts?"

Claire finally started to put it together. Wilhelmina and Daniel must have thought she was the one who sabotaged the photoshoot. Mama Meade decided to keep on letting them believe so.

"Sorry, I freaked out. I did the first thing that came to my mind to pull you apart." Claire said.

"Why did you believe it was the case?" Wilhelmina was, honestly, simply very curious of the circumstances that had led Claire to act so infantile.

"I heard of your dinner, at the _Stella_. That's the kind of restaurant where Daniel would take a woman."

Wilhelmina smiled. "Oh, you have such a vivid imagination."

"My fault…. Wait, how do you explain the fact he was caressing you, after the dinner?"

Now it was Wilhelmina's turn to be deeply surprised, and in her case she had the added feeling of guilt to bear. "He… he was cleaning my face. How did you know that anyway?"

Claire bit her tongue. She just realized she had betrayed Amanda's secret, she was able to read this in her one time rival.

"How did you know?" Wilhelmina repeated.

"I… I've been told-"

"Stop. You didn't make that call to Daniel's office, did you? Someone else did, right?"

"No no!" Claire exclaimed, wanting to keep on with her lie. "I did! Who else could?"

But her attempts were too late. In a second Wilhelmina turned, and made for the elevator.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Claire asked worried.

Wilhelmina reached the elevator doors and pushed the calling button. Only then did she return her attention to Claire. "I'm going to clarify this with the real person responsible for this situation."

xXx

Wilhelmina walked down the corridor that led to her apartment slower then her usual pace, trying to find the right balance between the anger and the disappointment. She was the first to realize that she wasn't angry so much for the photoshoot, but for the reason that had persuaded Amanda to act like that.

When she arrived at the door, she sighed before opening it. She sincerely didn't know what to say exactly. Entering the living room, she found Amanda sat on the couch, her eyes closed, while the television kept on diffusing its sounds.

"Wake up, we have to talk." Wilhelmina ordered her. "It's important."

Amanda lazily opened her eyes and yawned, then dried the little bit of drool dropped at the corners of her mouth. "Oh, hey, what's up?"

"Stop joking." Wilhelmina only said.

"If it's about tonight, I thought dealing with Claire would take you lots of time, Leah was tired and so was I so…"

"Stop it please. Why?" The woman abruptly asked. "Why? Please, please tell me it's not why I think." She didn't intend it, but the last words came in a kind of imploring tone, and this was the last thing she ever wanted.

Amanda didn't dare look at Wilhelmina for a while. She gulped, sighed, and felt her eyes moistening. But Wilhelmina's stare kept on attacking her, so that she was forced to finally raise her look back to her.

"You found out about the photo-shoot, didn't you?" Amanda asked.

"I did. Have you lost your mind? I have you an idea of the money we wasted because of your stupidity?" Wilhelmina hissed back; the anger was winning now.

"I'm sorry. I… I couldn't help."

Wilhelmina released a hysterical laugh. "Ah! She couldn't help! Now, tell me why. I want to hear the words from you."

"I saw you and Daniel… you seemed so close…"

"And so your little monkey brain decided it wasn't right?"

"Look, I don't care what's going on between the two of you, but-"

"Nothing it's going on!" Wilhelmina interrupted her. "But even if there was something, it's none of your business!" She yelled her.

Amanda sprang on her feet, and shouted back. "It's none of my business! You're so wrong!"

"What?"

"Why don't you understand?" Amanda desperately cried out. "You were giving up! You were giving up, and if you give up, if you give up there's no way I can resist any longer." A couple of tears dropped down her face. "And I don't want to give up, I don't have to…" She added then, in between the now rich tears.

Wilhelmina stared at her a few moments, then she quickly reached her. Amanda looked up when she felt the other in her personal space: she immediately knew what was about to happen.

The warm feeling of Wilhelmina's hand stroke came unsurprisingly against her face. The force of the slap made her fall back on the couch, so it was impossible and unwanted for her to react and resist in any way.

"Stand up!" Wilhelmina ordered her. "Stand up!"

Amanda silently obeyed her. The moment after another slap came.

This time, Wilhelmina gave her a little more time before calling again. "Stand up!"

Amanda obeyed the order, again. She kept her eyes closed, she clenched her fists again, but the the slap, this time, wasn't coming. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and found Wilhelmina just staring at her, silenty crying.

"Why... you... so stupid..." The woman muttered.

Amanda perceived she was about to move again, and put up her defense. She didn't imagine that Wilhelmina was now engaging anything but an attack. It took her a few moments to acutally realize Wilhelmina had hugged her.

The girl stayed motionless for a while, until she was sure there were no risks anymore. Then, only then, she let her head rest against her.

"Why do you not understand?" Wilhelmina whispered. All the anger in her voice was simply gone. Amanda thought that voice was now sweet as she 'd never heard coming from that particular woman.

"Why do you not understand?" She repeated. "You have to move on, you have to forget... _we _have to forget."

"I... I..." Amanda began, but Wilhelmina didn't leave her room to continue.

"You let them keeping on hurting us! Don't let them to do this!" She affirmed firmly.

Amanda took a deep sigh, trying not to sob. She considered for a moment, returning the hug, but eventually she didn't, feeling guilty for what she was about to say.

"I know but... I can't help it."

But the was exaclty the answer Wilhelmina knew the girl would give her. Just a minute before thoe words would have caused her to slap her again. Now, she only tightened her hug.


	9. Where I wanted to stay

**Author's note: **_Attention please, service alerts for you, my dear readers. First, with this chapter rating changes. Forewarned is forearmed :)  
Second, I officially proclaimed this as the "delurking chapter": are you reading and (dis)liking my work? Let me know! Review, it's simple and fast! Even just a "Oh, it's good" or "Oh, that sucks!" makes my day, I assure you. Of course, more articulate things don't offend me...  
Cheers,  
Lu_

**IX. ****Where I wanted to stay**

"Can I?"

Wilhelmina lifted up her eyes abruptly, surprised by hearing Daniel's voice.

"What are you doing here?" She asked. "It seems you're hardly able to remember you don't actually work here anymore."

"Oh really?" He commented chuckling.

She returned her stare to the papers she was working on. It was her sign: she didn't want to talk right now. And still, he didn't move a step; he stayed there, on the doorstep, waiting for her to change her mind. She ignored him as long as she could, until the pressure of his stare started to become unbearable.

"What?" She grumbled.

"My mother told me a very strange story." Daniel simply said back.

Wilhelmina raised her eyebrows. "Well, your mother says a lot of strange things. And not just when she's drunk."

Daniel faked a laugh. "Yeah, right, but I can assure she was pretty lucid when we talked. Anyway… do you mind I sit or do I have to keep on babbling from here?"

Wilhelmina pointed to the chair in front of her. "Guess neither of us is going to work this morning." She muttered.

Daniel smirked, and sat down. "So, tell me the incredible new episode of _Grandma Meade's tales._" Wilhelmina said sarcastically.

He struggled to remain serious. "She said Amanda was the one who messed with the photoshoot." Then he couldn't help but chuckle. "It doesn't make sense, does it?"

"It's true."

Daniel immediately stopped with the cheerfulness. "You're joking too, right?"

"I've never been this serious before."

Daniel looked at her: that was indeed the truth. A truth that didn't make sense at all, which made him all the more and more confused, but surely, the truth.

"Are you trying to understand her reasons? I can hear your neurons working from here."

He didn't answer the provocation. His neurons were working for real, she thought, a little amused actually. Maybe, if she looked harder, she would have seen some smoke coming from his head.

"She… Amanda I mean… she…" He paused, cleared his throat, looked around to make sure they were alone in the room and no one – meaning Amanda – was on the doorstep. "She didn't do all this because she's still in love with me or something, did she?" He finally asked, sincerely terrified.

Wilhelmina covered her face with her right hand, trying to work out if she should laugh or cry. Sighing, she let her arms slip down, bringing her eyes back to Daniel. "You are honestly the most egocentric man I ever met in my entire life."

"Ok, it's not because of me." Daniel immediately swallowed the objection. "So… it's about you then?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She exclaimed. She wasn't offended though, just amused. Sometimes it was hard to understand if he was sincere or he was just pretending. "Anyway, haven't we already clarified our relationship to you?"

"Yeah… sorry, my fault. So, what's the problem then?"

"It's… complicated."

How could she explain the situation in a few, simple words? She was the first to admit she didn't completely comprehend. Amanda's behaviour continued to be the greatest enigma to her, and this was a fact. She had tried to put herself in her shoes, a thousand times, to finally understand why the girl continued to remain so obstinately bound to a man with severe problems, and who had left her without a clue and with a not yet born baby. Why Amanda also defended Connor; that was even a more inexplicable mystery.

"Try to explain." Daniel asked gently.

"You know, Amanda and I… we have different opinions about Connor and Tyler's leaving."

"Yeah…"

"Basically, she believes they are going to return, one day, maybe with a couple of white horses… I've never gone into the details thoroughly. Anyway, that's why she reacted that way: another man entering my life was, in her eyes, like cheating on Connor."

"She thinks I'm entering your life?"

Wilhelmina felt the words dying in her own throat. Unexpected; that sentence had come _so_ unexpected. Was he entering her life? Was dinner, a laugh, a cry, an ice-cream and a _caress _letting him enter her life? After all, that was the point: Amanda had attacked because she persuaded herself _something _was going on. Eventually, she decided not to answer his question.

"Whatever happened last night, it's none of Amanda's business. And most of all, it would not be cheating, of any kind." She said.

Abruptly, Daniel interrupted the discussion. "Ok, I got it. Well, I have to go now." He stood up, and went back to the door. Wilhelmina wondered he detached so suddenly, not suspecting that behind it there was the same doubt he had given her: was he entering in her life? And it wasn't as simple as just entering her life, because after all; it was them and it was disturbing. Was he about to try the access of her soul, and her bed too? She shook her head: Daniel Meade would never try something like that.

He noticed her movement. Like he knew what she was denying, he said, "It's just... It would a pity if because of Amanda we didn't have dinner together anymore. Once...I would never have told you this but... I actually enjoyed that night."

Wilhelmina answered as she once would have never done. Before she could control her voice, the words slipped from her. "Me too..." She whispered.

But Daniel had already gone.

xXx

_The returns from their little trips__ were beginning to be harder to endure. It seemed Connor enjoyed tempting Wilhelmina more and more with the prospect of a relaxed and pleasure-seeking life. Because of that, she spent the major part of her Mondays struggling between the guilty memories of the past week-ends and the not-so-hidden joy of returning in her reign at Mode. _

_But if her__ regal-like authority battled the desire of leaving this place for a while, it was hopeless against the happiness, the time spent with, Connor was able to give her. That day, her inner battle had persuaded her to sneak away from her office and visit his. She somehow managed to convince Claire to readmit him in the company, after his release, with the condition he would be away from any money accounts. He had ended up as head of the human resources office, a position that, despite its lower importance, was surely a more than decent position for a former guest of the federal prisons, and at least permitted him to work in the same place as the woman he loved. Or so Wilhelmina thought. _

_She was sitting in his chair, looking around bored as she waited. On his desk, a photo of them together made a fine show: in it, he was embracing her from behind, sweetly, with the happiest look on his face, as she also – incredibly – smiled. In the background, the sea, the same water of the New York Bay she would learn to hate a few weeks later. _

"_Hey, what a pleasant surprise." _

_Wilhelmina moved her stare from the photo, to find Connor in front of her. She smiled widely, and stood up to reach him. _

"_Why the__ visit?" He asked. _

_He didn't leave time to her for an answer though, pulling her close to him, and gently kissing her. She smiled and kissed him back, but on his cheek, to better smell his scent. _

"_Because you smell so good, maybe?" She joked. _

"_Thank you dear. But I'd have come to you anyway, I have good news." He announced. _

_She moved her head a little away from his, to look straight at him. "What news?" _

_His hands slid down her shoulders, when they rested, along her arms, until he grabbed both her hands. Only now did she notice the absolute excitement on his face. _

"_I've got a job offer. A really good one." _

"_What? Really?" Wilhelmina exclaimed surprised. _

"_Yeah, really!" He confirmed. "I've been asked to be the new CFO of one of the American factories owned by this Italian confectionary company-"_

"_Wait wait wait!" Wilhelmina interrupted him. Unconsciously, she left his hands. "CFO? *Confectionary*?" _

"_You know, those things you pretend you never eat. What do they call them? Oh yeah, sweets." Connor chuckled, looking for her hands again. _

"_And do you want to accept?" Wilhelmina asked. _

_Connor stared at her. Was his excitement not a good enough sign he'd like, so madly, to accept? However, it took a few moments to truly understand what worried her. _

"_What are you afraid of__?" He questioned her, knowing perfectly well what the answer was._

"_Nothing. Really, I'm happy for you. I guess that picking employees wasn't exactly your dream job for the next few years, but…"_

"_But what?" He kept on questioning. Her attempts were useless: he knew her enough to know when she was lying. And she was deeply lying, right now._

"_Nothing, really. This factory, it's not too distant, right?"_

"_It's an hour away from NYC…" _

"_Oh dear God, do you seriously want to work in New Jersey?" She exclaimed. _

"_It's not a problem, it's not like__ I'm gonna be the one making chocolate candies, right?" _

_She defiantly__ left his hands, and walked a few steps away. "God Connor… CFO? And-"_

"_Do they trust me? Tell me Willie, is that what you were about to say?"_

"_No, it's not what I was about to say!"_

_Her voice__ came too loudly, but she realized it too late. He approached her, holding her back by the shoulders. "So, what did you want to say? Will I resist the temptation?"_

"_Connor, I…" The same voice now from her mouth was suddenly weak and begging. _

_"Willie, I did things I'm not proud of, but this doesn't mean I'm gonna make the same errors again. Trust me." _

_She felt his grip__ tighten, she felt the warm of his body surround her, and his eyes begging her to say she believed him. And a part of her, a major part of her, totally and without any reservation, actually believed; but the rest, a little but powerful spot of her mind, just couldn't. _

_She gave him another brief kiss, and then chose to lie again. "I'm just sorry we won't work together anymore." _

_He kissed her too, deeper. For the moment, he chose to lie too, letting her think she had convinced him._

xXx_  
_

Amanda cautiously walked to Wilhelmina's office with Leah, still not knowing how to behave toward her after the recent events. She felt sorry for what she'd done, but yet she didn't regret anything. She had confirmed it the last night; she would confirm it for the rest of her life if needed: she just couldn't help it. She knew others' arguments, a million times a day she listened to Wilhelmina, Claire and everyone else telling her she needed to move on,_ for her daughter at least_; this only made her more convinced.

She finally arrived at Willie's threshold. Softly, Amanda knocked on the open door.

"Daniel, could you kindly stop to-" Wilhelmina looked up, and saw he wasn't the one asking for her. "Oh, it's you. You came to work on your own this morning, why?"

Amanda smirked: like she didn't know how embarrassed she still was after last night. "I was afraid to travel with you." She confessed frankly.

"In spite of the common belief, I do not eat people." Wilhelmina saw Amanda's eyebrows raise. "Not everyday." She added, outlining a kind smile.

Amanda, still holding Leah, took a few steps inside. The last thing she expected from Wilhelmina, that morning, was that she smiled at her that way. If possible, that was for her even stranger than the hug she gave her – right after doubly slapping her.

"What can I do for you?"

"I… " Amanda begun. "I wonder if Leah could stay here for her nap. You know, if you're not around she doesn't manage-"

"She doesn't manage to get to sleep." Wilhelmina completed for her. "Of course she can stay here. I've not wasted my money on that cradle for nothing."

Amanda went closer the cradle, but Wilhelmina stopped her. "Wait, give her to me."

The girl wondered if this was 'national surprise week' or something. From what she could remember, Wilhelmina had never grabbed Leah of her own will. Not commenting though, she handed her baby to the one who'd asked.

Once she had Leah in her arms, Wilhelmina took one of her little hands, and sweetly told her. "Are you ready for your nap?"

"Why are you so kind today?"

Wilhelmina turned to Amanda, from where the question had come. "I'm not feverish, I swear you. There's…no reason...I guess."

This was somewhat true. There wasn't a particular reason, she just felt right acting so. Later, she thought that maybe she had adopted such behaviour in a new attempt to persuade her to change her view of the situation. Making her realise that, after all, she wasn't alone, and together they could work for a solution, a way out from the nightmare those two bastards had left them in.

Leah yawned lazily, and closed her eyes. "God, I didn't know I was that boring." Willie joked.

"She's just tired. She couldn't get back to sleep, last night."

Wilhelmina felt guilty. "Our argument woke her?"

Amanda nodded. "It's my fault." The girl said. "Because of me, we fought again, and shouted, and disturbed her…"

"Stop." Wilhelmina said. "Stop. Don't blame yourself."

"But it's my fault, because I'm stubborn and-"

"Don't. Don't say you're sorry, that I'm right and so on. Please save me another lie."

Wilhelmina felt Leah lean her head against her breast, exhausted. Regardless, she chose to handle her a little more, just to avoid wakening her the moment she would have put her in the cradle.

"I'm perfectly conscious of your opinion. I decide to respect it, definitely. But I expect you to do the same."

Amanda nodded again. "I promise. For real, I'll never pry in your private business again."

"Thank you." Wilhelmina said. "Now go, I don't pay-"

"You don't pay me to waste my time babbling, I know." Amanda filled for her, adding a shy but more convinced smile.

She was about to exit the room, when Wilhelmina called her back. "Girl, you can believe me or not." She told her. "But I'm firmly sure someday you'll find a good man who'll take care of you and your baby."

However, she didn't add that she hoped the same for her.

xXx

Tired, after the long working day, Wilhelmina felt relieved by the fact that she seemed to be the only one left in the office. She hadn't noticed her employees had left, those little, skinny, fashionable ants with the bad habit to run away altogether in the exact moment the work day was over; with the exception of the days just before closing a issue, when she felt authorized to order the doors to be blocked.

Walking to the elevator though, she found someone else.

"Seriously Daniel, why do I find you _anywhere_ but in you own office?" She exclaimed seeing him.

"Uhm, maybe I'm just a little nostalgic for this one." He answered back.

Wilhelmina arrived next to him. "I thought you were here to lay an ambush on me."

Daniel turned to her. "You haven't forgiven me yet for that little incident in the elevator during the blackout, two years ago, huh?"

"You assaulted me." She remembered dryly.

"And you too. _Literally_." He retorted, but starting chuckling, amused.

"I know you expected otherwise, my dear wounded stallion. Where the hell is the elevator?" Willie exclaimed then, changing the subject.

"It's under maintenance."

A tiny, bald man had spoken. They both turned in his direction, and immediately recognized the blue uniform of the Meade maintenance team.

"Tim," Daniel began, after had read the dirty little nameplate the man wore. "What does you mean, exactly?"

"It means you can't use it. Suck it up and don't complain." Tim said with a deep, mean voice.

"What?" The Meade asked again; ignoring, for the moment, Wilhelmina's shocked face.

"Walk!" The maintenance guy finally said, and as quick as he appeared, he vanished, leaving only a trail of tobacco odor.

"What? Uh! How rude!" Wilhelmina babbled furiously. "Remind me to fire him."

"First thing we'll do tomorrow." Daniel confirmed.

"So, what's next?" She asked.

Daniel took a few steps, and reached a big, white emergency door not far from them. Wilhelmina immediately remembered where it led.

"No. I formally refuse to walk down twenty-eight floors." Wilhelmina declared.

"Oh c'mon, it'll be just like a healthy walk." He invited her. As he spoke, he stretched out his hand, in a gentlemanly move Wilhelmina honestly didn't expect from him.

Ignoring Daniel's arm though, she moved straight toward the door, opened it hard and ordered. "Let's go."

He obeyed her. Then, with high speed, they set on the descent, her leading. The two had gone barely a couple of floors, when he continued talking.

"Out of curiosity, despite of Amanda's plotting and schemes, have you managed to be with some other man after the Australian dog?"

Wilhelmina stopped abruptly at the end of a flight, turning immediately to face him. He braked with all his strength on his feet, to not crash into her.

"Has anyone explained you the concept of _privacy_?" She hissed.

"Oh please." He calmly answered. "We suffered a photoshoot sabotage because it was clear we have gained a certain level of _intimacy_."

She opened her eyes wide. "Have you gone mad or what?"

"Don't deny it. Anyway, I'm still waiting for an answer. I'm a curious dog, you know that."

She pondered it had been so long since she had seen him so self-confident, and surely, he had never been that bold with her.

"It's none of your business." She reaffirmed. A moment later, she realized she had entered his personal space.

"I'm starting to guess the answer…"

They were so close now. Unintentionally, she had been the one who shortened the distance. But now she felt his stare on her, inquiring, in a way she perceived in that moment as inappropriate; another pleasant moment between them. She could afford this any longer.

Quickly, she recoiled. In exchange for the loss of physical proximity, she let him have a piece of her life. "You're right. There's been no one since… since Connor."

"Really?" He asked.

Wilhelmina nodded in assent.

"Oh dear God, it's such a pity…"

She was now totally sure; she had never, ever, seen him that bold. Not even that time in the elevator, when he had kissed her. Then, he was basically terrified by the consequences of his act; now, consequences were the last things on his mind, or so it seemed to her.

"What do you want?"

A question had never came more sincerely from her, but his answer arrived even more clearly.

When she first felt his lips crashing into hers, her reaction wasn't different from the one she had two years before in that similar situation: she just froze. But different than the last time, he hadn't stopped immediately and looked at her in terror; instead he kept on kissing, desperately trying to convince her to kiss him back.

She pushed him away. He didn't react, and simply stared at her. She hated his stare, it was like a constant voice whispering at her, again and again; _what do you want_?

She'd have preferred to have enough lucidity to find the space to ponder on all the variables in this game, pondering if it was the case to ignore the fact that the man in front of her was Daniel Meade, _that_ Daniel Meade; but also that in front of her, there was _a man_, who had just kissed her and wanted to be kissed back.

She hadn't the luxury of such lucidity. There was only a single urge in her right now, which made her forget everything else. She merely followed it, and this led her to return to him, and finally kiss.

He immediately welcomed her, moving his hands on her back, grabbing her. She did the same with his head, as she immediately started to make it clear she wanted to be the leader, not the follower.

Soon fed up with only their lips' game, she deepened the kiss, and meanwhile tried to pull him to her. After a moment, she realized that there was a simple system to help her: she began pushing him with her body toward the wall. He immediately got her intention, and took the necessary steps back.

Once against the wall, she slid her hands from his head to his neck. They rested there for a little while, during which, the two detached their lips for a short breath, and then slowly she reached the first button of his shirt. Feeling her hand working to open it, he left her lips, and went to the base of her neck, gently kissing and sucking. The first time he actually did this she relaxed her hold on his shirt, and a weak, little moan came from her.

Despite his work on her neck, she managed to unbutton the first two buttons, but before she could continue, he surprised her again. All at once, he turned to make her the one with her own back to the wall. Then, as his hands started travelling under her silky red shirt, his mouth changed places again, descending to her breast.

The warm feeling of his hands on her stomach somehow alerted her. Gently, she moved her palms on his shoulders, and pushed him a little. There were a thousand of understandable doubts and issues crowding her mind; she picked up on the silliest.

"Wait…" She murmured. "What if someone sees us?"

He smirked. "We're the bosses. We can… we can just fire him or her, I guess."

She grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him back to her: that was like _you're right_. Starting again, she avoided any other complex thought crossing her mind. She wasn't a teen anymore, the time of doubts, fears, regrets, was over a long time before. Now she was a beautiful, hot, conscious adult woman about to have fun sex with a man, for the first time in a while. The fact _he_ was Daniel Meade, that was for the moment only a minor detail.

Deciding to set aside all her fears persuaded her to be more active, and evolved the situation. She violently shoved him, until he arrived near the stairs' lower steps, and in a moment he was sitting on one of them.

He relaxed, leaning his elbows on another step behind him. She stood in front of him, and started to unbutton her own shirt. He followed her movements with his eyes, button by button, until she finally finished and showed him her lace white bra, in sharp contrast with the ebony skin she knew he was deeply desiring now.

She slipped off her shirt, and carelessly flung it on the landing she was still on. He remained motionless, expecting her to move. Maybe he hoped she would continue the striptease, she thought.

Instead, she moved on to her knees, and reached the buttons on his shirt, her fingers began to unbutton. The operation took her, what seemed to her, an endless amount of time, until that damn shirt was finally completely opened. Immediately, her hands arrived at his belt, but she had just started to undo it, when he grabbed her forearms, forcing her to stop.

"Sorry, but ladies first."

He raised his back and moved his hands on her breast, where they were soon joined by his mouth. Sliding the hands then to reach the bra's fastenings and unclasp it, he meanwhile slowly approached her right nipple, and lightly bit it. She sighed, threw her head back, and circled his neck with her arms. Eventually, he managed to unclasp the bra, which in a moment left her body.

With his hands free again, he seized both her breasts, and returned his mouth to her nipple, now sucking it. She let a second moan escape, and desired her skirt to vanish as soon as possible.

He decided it was time for his hands to visit somewhere else, and moved them again on her back, but immediately began travelling south, for her ass. Once there, they searched for a way to go under her skirt. She felt them on her thighs, and pulled his head harder to her. He held her by her hips, and lifted her so that he could turn and place her sitting on the step where he had been, as he stood and moved down another step.

He had wanted to exchange places, that was all.

She performed the same gestures he did before, relaxing and resting the elbows behind her. More, she widened her legs, as he began to caress them from her feet, still wrapped in the elegant stilettos, to her thighs. She brought the skirt's hem, and lifted it up, until he faced her panties.

She felt him fondling her inner thighs for a while, then a stronger sensation as he stroked her: she closed her eyes, while he kept on rubbing with his thumb under the lace. As he did so, he kissed her on the stomach, and with little bites and other kisses slowly moved the mouth to reach the working thumb. He used the other hand to pull aside the underwear, and she moaned louder than before when his lips started sucking.

Her breathing pace increased quickly. Her body arched, and she couldn't help moaning again, so loudly she would be heard for a long distance. She felt her climax coming, and honestly she had never been so happy to welcome it. Nostalgia, she guessed.

It was coming, when she woke up.

Wilhelmina opened her eyes. It was dark now, and she was alone, of that she was sure. She lifted herself up, leaning on her pillow, and finally realized it had all been a dream. However, her breath was still altered, and her body sweaty. She looked around her, in the obscurity, still dazzled by the dreams happenings. She was having sex with a man on the company stairs, she was having sex with Daniel. She didn't know if she was more shocked at having dreamt of having sex, having it with him, or just by the fact that she was interrupted at the best part.

She couldn't analyze what had happened alone, it was impossible. Wearily, she reached for the phone on the bedside table, and dialled a foreign number.

"Marc, I had the most disturbing dream ever."


	10. This is when I need you

**X. This is when I need you**

"Calm down Willie," He tried to tell her. "I can hear you hyperventilating from here."

"Calm down? How can I ever calm down? You have _no _idea." She exclaimed back, still breathing hard. This actually saved her, because in her throat there wasn't enough breath to shout – the thing she was about to do – and all that came out was a shrill sound.

"Oh, that was terrifying." He commented at the sound he heard through the phone. "So, what did you dream exactly?"

Wilhelmina gulped. She only now realized that had to actually admit to Marc, she had imagined having sex with Daniel. "I… You know what? It really doesn't matter."

Not a word more, she just closed the call. She was sitting on the bed, her legs crossed on the sheets, holding the phone in one hand with an empty stare. She almost laughed, thinking that anyone were to see her in her current state, would liken her to a girl after her first kiss, not knowing whether to tell everything to her BFF.

She got out of bed, and threw the phone on it; she went toward the credenza in the lounge. Once there however, she realized the door was locked. For a long moment she hated Amanda deeply, who with the excuse of still breastfeeding Leah and the still present memory of living with a former alcoholic, had asked all the places holding alcohol to be kept under lock and key.

Grumbling, she returned to her bedroom and reached for the first drawer of her dressing table. Grabbing the key, she was about to leave the room, when her eyes fell on the phone again. She needed to talk with someone, or she would go mad; and Marc was the only person on this earth she would trust with her dream.

Finally, she gave up and brought it, still holding the key tightly in the other hand. Yes, she definitely had to find the courage to tell Marc everything, she realized: taking the bottle of whisky she clearly saw her hand trembling. That's also why she decided against using a glass – she risked breaking it into a thousand pieces.

She quickly opened the bottle, and took a big sip, hoping it would help her in the difficult undertaking of the task ahead. Sighing again, she resolved to redial Marc's number.

As soon as he picked up, he asked. "Who?"

"What?"

"Who you dream you were having sex with?" He immediately clarified.

"How the hell did you know that?" Wilhelmina exclaimed, surprised. She wasn't used to it anymore; Marc's ability to read her moods so accurately.

"You hardly breathed, you babbled and refused confrontation. Spicy dream, I bet you anything."

She took another sip of whisky from the bottle she still held, and with both bottle and phone she went in the corridor, covering the floor up to the entrance, and leaned against the door.

"Daniel." She finally admitted in a whisper.

She really couldn't decipher the sound that came from Marc. It was something like a laugh, but a scream too, all mixed up with a gulp. "_THAT_ Daniel?" He asked, genuinely amused.

"Ok, it was a mistake telling you this." She answered, ready to close the communication again.

"No, please don't hang up." He begged her. "Come on tell me. He… was he good?" He questioned artfully.

Wilhelmina's finger slipped to the red button, but he stopped her again. "I'm sorry. Are you ok?" He asked, suddenly serious again.

Her back still rested on the door. She slowly let herself slide down to the floor. Once sat, she admitted. "No, I'm not."

"It's that disturbing?"

"No… it's not the dream itself. I… I felt guilty, somehow. Damn, it's all Amanda's fault, her, and her stupid insinuations."

"Amanda? What's she got to do with it?"

"She was convinced something was going on between me and _him_," She briefly explained, "and so she sabotaged a photo-shoot so that we would go back to being at each other's throat."

"Huh? Ok…I've totally lost the thread of this argument." He confessed.

"Never mind." She tried to make the situation clearer. "The point is… I've never had dreams of this kind since… since _then_."

Marc perceived her fear, even when there was an ocean in between them. She was afraid of a dream, but this didn't surprise him completely: he could only imagine the mess in her heart. He decided to help her, at least try.

"Willie, it was only a dream." He said sweetly. "You really shouldn't attach all this importance to it."

"And what if things become more _real_?" Wilhelmina asked back, and immediately regretted saying it. The simple idea of her and _him_ reaching _that_ kind of intimacy was… just wasn't thinkable.

"Do you honestly think there's a danger of that happening?" Damn it, exactly what he shouldn't have said.

"I don't know." She felt forced to admit. "That's what scares me the most."

"And would it be that bad? What is it that scares you so much, the fact he's Daniel Meade, or that he isn't Connor?"

"What? That's not the point, I-"

"Willie, you know you can't lie to me. And I can be honest, because I'm thousands miles away." He insisted, the last sentence actually made Wilhelmina smile.

"I assure you this is not about Connor. I don't owe him anything, not anymore." She firmly declared.

"Then…I suggest you go back to sleep and try to forget what you dreamt tonight."

"Thank you."

Wilhelmina was sure that on the other side of the phone line, he was blushing. "You're welcome. Nice talking to you anyway. I think this is the longest call we ever had."

"Yes, that's because you're gonna pay me back all the money I'm spending now." She joked.

"Say hi to Amanda and the bab-"

"Yes, yes," She interrupted, "now don't get too soppy."

He chuckled. "Yes, ma'am."

They said goodbye, and closing the call she stood up from her angle near the door. She still held the whisky bottle, and with it she moved toward her bedroom. On the threshold though, her stare ran to Amanda's door: she couldn't help but ask; how would the girl react if she ever found out of her nightly fantasies.

xXx

Arriving at the Meade building, Daniel looked around, searching for Wilhelmina, Amanda and most of all Leah. He had only been back a week, but h was already accustomed to starting the day holding and playing with his niece, and squabbling with Wilhelmina, under the amused stare of Amanda.

He kept on scanning the lobby, hoping to find _his_ girls. He chuckled, when he realized he had included Willie in the definition. The chuckle however became a wide smile, when he finally located Amanda. He thought he had seen a glimpse of Wilhelmina, Lily and Leah too, but as he reached his supposed sister-in-law-to-be he found her alone.

"Hey, hi!" She welcomed him.

"Hi Amanda." He answered. "You're alone?"

"Al- Hey," she exclaimed, noticing only then that the others had left. "Where the hell has everyone gone?"

"It almost seemed they rushed away when they saw me." Daniel joked.

"They took Leah too!" She said back, turning all around. She was worried, and angry too: it hadn't been nice to disappear with her daughter, without even alerting her.

"Don't worry," He gently told her. "It's not like she's been kidnapped. And Lily's with her." He added, when he understood that actually it was the idea of the baby alone with Wilhelmina which seemed to upset Amanda.

"Yeah, right. So," She reprised, after taking a big breath. In the middle of everything she still had to make her apologies to Daniel for the photoshoot. "We haven't talked since… well, the _Dollhouse_ thing…"

"Yup. I have a couple of things to ask you about that…"

"I'm sorry." Amanda shot. "I made such a mess of everything."

"That's not true. Wilhelmina kinda explained your position, and … I understand you, really."

"Really?" She shyly asked. "You know, you have every right to blame me."

"I won't." He reassured her. "Just… don't mess with the photoshoot next time."

Amanda tensely laughed. "Ok, I learned my lesson. And if you're interested, I won't mess with... well, your private lives either."

"Did you really think that... you know, that Wilhelmina would have searched for comfort with _me_?"

He wasn't that sure he wanted to know the answer. He wasn't even sure if it was the right thing to ask that question, sincerely. However, somehow he hoped Amanda could help him resolve the doubts she had been the one to raise in him.

Despite the delicate nature of the predicament, or maybe because of it, she chose to answer frankly. "I did, and I still think so. I saw her stare that night, before you left: her eyes weren't lying, at all."

She had spoken plainly, trying not to expose the anger she still felt about it all. The fact that she had agreed with Wilhelmina not to intrude anymore didn't mean she agreed with Willie's behaviour. Somehow, Daniel understood what was behind Amanda's sudden silence.

"This annoys you, doesn't it?" He asked.

She nodded. "But I told you, I'll keep my nose out of...whatever," She heavily gestured, moving her hands in circles. "Whatever is going on here or...wherever, with her."

"Yeah, but it's not enough. You... You have to move on. For real. Aren't you told so everyday?"

She bitterly smiled. "At least a thousand time per hour, yes. But this doesn't mean my answer will ever change."

Daniel didn't actually expect such determination Amanda. He knew that when she loved, she did it fully hearted - he had been a clear example - but he would have never suspected it to that point. It wasn't humanly possible, really; and surely his so called brother didn't deserve it.

"I can smell your skepticism." She continued. "Look, what if I tell you the whole story once and for all?"

Daniel gulped. "There's still something I don't know?"

Amanda smirked. "Most of the people who keep on telling me to move on haven't even noticed any of them. So, tonight at your mom's?"

"Why there?"

"I'll be there anyway, Mrs. Meade invited me and Leah for dinner. Guess she feels guilty for spilling the beans to Wilhelmina about the photoshoot."

"Ok, deal. See you tonight then, and say hi to the baby."

She nodded again, and left. He observed her still for some moments, now even more curious about these so-called unnoticed facts she had promised to tell him.

xXx

Leah smiled lazily, waking from her brief, after lunch, nap. Lily noticed the baby was now awake, and left the documents she was arranging on Wilhelmina's desk to return her attention to her.

The young assistant liked spending time with the little girl, so everytime she was asked to look after her she happily took the task. Today, it was better than usual: Amanda had asked her to stay with her daughter the whole day, so that she could finally finish her work for the upcoming issue. Yes, this request had come after a furious telling-off about not disappearing anymore with her baby without saying a word, but Lily was used to the, definitely more sudden, mood changes of her boss to find Amanda's behavior too strange.

Reaching the cradle, she found Leah sat up, waiting for someone to lift her out. Lily welcomed the silent request, and grabbed the baby in her arms.

"Oh dear, you woke up early today." She said, once she had the girl. "Are you hungry?"

The baby didn't react in any particular way, letting Lily think she was good for the moment.

"Lucky girl, I'm starving."

She hadn't left for her lunch break, wanting to finish work, and because of Leah. Her biscuit supply was depleted, and the fact Amanda still hadn't shown up suggested to her that the other blonde hadn't finished her work yet.

Holding Leah, she grabbed the documents she was working on from Willie's desk and returned her own, where she found a pleasant surprise.

"Edwin! You're here!"

The young man smiled sweetly, and Lily saw his eyes shining behind the glasses.

"I brought you lunch." He said, showing a small box wrapped in a vivid colored tissue. "Meatballs and spaghetti, courtesy of my grandma." He explained, and left the box on her desk.

Lily sat and Edwin held his hands out towards Leah. "Wait, I'll take her. I... I've already eaten, so I could look after the baby while you ate."

Lily smiled up at him, surprised. She had only known him for a couple of weeks, and she still wasn't used to his kindness. Not to mention how cute he was when smiling at her.

She let him take the little girl, and started unpacking the lunch box.

"This girl is so pretty, and sweet." He commented, looking at Leah peacefully staring at him and kinda smiling.

"Yes, she is." Lily agreed, spearing the first meatball with the fork. "It's a pleasure looking after her, she never behaves badly."

"You could say she's not her mother's daughter." He joked, remembering the Amanda from his Mode days, about three years before, and of the little joke she played on him, pretending to be Lily in order to sabotage the photoshoot.

Lily chuckled. "Well, I don't know, but Amanda says Leah takes after her father for being so good-natured."

"Good-natured? Didn't that guy leave her when she was still pregnant? You told me so."

Lily tried to debate despite her mouth full of food. "Yeah," She finally swallowed. "But it's more complicated than that."

"Why do you say that?" He asked, truly curious.

"I told you, she says he was sweet, kind, full of attention for her and their daughter. The picture she paints of him is definitely not of a man who would leave this way."

"So, what's happened? You told me he was with your boss's boyfriend when he vanished. Maybe it's the latter's fault."

"Who knows?" Lily commented bitterly. Her job had given her a privileged spot to be witness to all those singular events, and most of all, to both Amanda's and Wilhelmina's personal hell. She tried to do her best to help her boss and her young _friend, _but even she knew the only thing which could really help them was the truth - the real one.

They remained silent for a couple of minutes; the only sounds heard were Lily's eating and Leah's casual noises.

Someone soon came to break the quiet. Hearing Wilhelmina's stilettos on the floor, Edwin felt terrified again.

When she reached Lily's desk, her look immediately fell on her lunch. "So, the pallor is not because of malnutrition." Wilhelmina said. Then, looking at Edwin, added. "Instead of babysitting, please alert your boss I'm coming to his office to checking the _Dollhouse _shots you did yesterday."

She had tried to sound determined, and emotionless. She hoped it worked, because meeting Daniel simply terrorized her. She had avoided him all day, like that morning when she had run away with Lily and Leah as soon as she had seen him approaching.

"Yes, ma'am!" Edwin confirmed.

But Wilhelmina hadn't heard. She was focusing on what he was holding: Leah. An idea immediately struck her, and so she ordered: "Give her to me."

Lily and Edwin looked at Willie, and then each other, perplexed.

"What if Amanda comes back and doesn't find her?" Lily cautiously asked.

"Tell her she's with me, it's not that difficult. So..." she referred to Edwin, "give her to me."

This time Edwin obeyed without hesitation, and let Wilhelmina grab Leah. The idea was simple and genial: arriving with the baby, his niece would allow her to distract him and avoid embarrassing questions and conversations, not to mention Leah was a good physical barrier between the two of them.

Taking the baby girl, she left, sighing heavily. Lily could't help but think she seemed like a general about to fight her biggest battle.

xXx

During the whole journey to Hudson's fashion department, Wilhelmina walked holding the baby so tightly that on a couple of occasions she feared she may actually hurt her. As much as she would never admit it, she had bonded enough to that little monster to want her to live 'til the adult age at least.

She felt an unhealthy nervousness, and this annoyed her. She simply hated the feeling of having her mind so messed up she ended up having dreams of that kind. She could find plenty of men to vent her lowest instincts with; surely she didn't need Daniel _Danny_ Meade. But she had kept her instincts to herself these past months, and she couldn't help but think that, after all, it wasn't _that_ wrong.

She finally saw him, at the end of the corridor she was heading through, and shivered. Despite this, she went to him.

"Oh, you brought a visitor today." Daniel exclaimed with a silly voice when he saw Wilhelmina approaching with Leah.

"You know, I had the idea to distract you with her while I check the shots." She said, pretending to sound relaxed.

He smiled. "Yeah, right, I should have thought of that. Can I hold her?"

She stopped moving, and breathing, for a couple of seconds. "No, she's just woken up," She dryly answered, "she gets nervous if she's not next to me." No way, she wasn't about to give up her little, milk-drinker shield.

Daniel looked at her, dubiously. "Sure." Her look was different from any he had ever seen on her. Something was wrong, and he didn't understand what exactly. His mind went inevitably to the possibility it could be regarding Connor and Tyler's theft and getaway.

"Willie… is something wrong?" He asked. Right after, he wondered if hadn't overdone it, calling her that way.

"Yes, of course. Let's go, we have some work to do." She announced, moving toward the table where the photos were lying.

He reached her there, and looked at the photos. "It seems to me these are really good. Vincent is always the best."

Wilhelmina raised her eyebrows, not even turning to him. "So, if they are that good why did you ask me to come here? Waste my time?"

"Hey, I'm only giving my honest opinion."

She had flown into a rage all at once. Definitely, she was nervous, really nervous, and he couldn't stand not knowing why.

She stayed motionless for a few moments, uncertain of what say or do. Meanwhile, Leah stretched her hands to the magnifying glass resting on the table. Wilhelmina noticed it, and let her grab it.

"She likes it." Daniel commented sweetly. "Look, she wants to check the photos too."

Willie smiled almost imperceptibly. "Yes. Guess the fashion in her blood is struggling to emerge. I mean; after all, she's Fey Sommers's grandchild."

"Oh, I can imagine even her blood corpuscles have sunglasses and blonde hair."

Wilhelmina let a slight laugh come out.

"Ha! I managed to make you smile!"

"Oh, shut up." She answered back, but still smiled. Suddenly, the idea to relax at least a little didn't scare her so much.

He let himself to observe her with a little more attention. He was getting used to Wilhelmina being, well, nice with his niece, but a kid-friendly Willie _and_ truly smiling one at the same time… that was huge.

"Why were you so nervous when you arrived?" This slipped out without thought, he couldn't stop it anyway. In the days before, he had had the impression she was the strong one, who got mad because Amanda wasn't strong enough.

"It's because of you." She sincerely answered. The truth was, in that moment, something in her had raised its head to yell at her to stop being so timorous.

Daniel felt surprised, or so he pretended to be. "It's still because of Amanda's insinuations?"

"I can't battle alone, not anymore."

Her face had turned sad, fearful, begging. He really couldn't say what exactly was in her eyes, or her voice. Was she asking him to help? It sounded so odd.

"Can… can I help?" He asked.

She didn't answer him. At least, not with her voice. Her lips crashed into his, so quickly all he could do was kiss her back. She was still holding Leah, who was now between the two of them. For a brief moment Wilhelmina was vaguely amused that the supposed shield was instead binding them.

He raised his right hand to her cheek, gently brushing it. He wasn't exactly sure of what was happening, except for one thing: it was good. For her part, she felt sure that the previous night it hadn't been just a meaningless dream.

The kiss didn't last long enough to let him explore his feelings. As fast as she had kissed him, she pulled away from him, and took a couple of steps backwards.

"I have to go." She murmured. "Amanda must be looking for Leah."

Before Daniel was able to move any limb or express a single word, she turned and walked quickly, practically disappearing in a few seconds.

xXx

Amanda usually didn't like walking long distances pushing Leah's stroller, but the day was so sunny and fresh that not doing it would definitely be a pity.

Plus, she was in a good mood herself; she couldn't say if it was because of the possibility, that night, that she could eventually persuade Daniel of her version of events, or because of the armistice with Wilhelmina. Maybe it was simply that she finished her article, or even better; because her baby was quiet and smiling, and these days, that was a miracle.

She was going through Central Park, letting the slight wind refresh her. At a certain point, Leah made a sound, and Amanda stopped to check if she was ok.

She was, but she was also moving her little arms as if asking to take a little more air.

"Ok dearie, I got it, it's time for a pause." Amanda sweetly told her daughter. She grabbed her and lifted her out the stroller, and raised her up enough to look directly in her little, green eyes.

"Are you happy about going to grandma's tonight?" She said. "I know you are, she spoils you more every time."

"Oh my God! Amanda?"

A male voice came from behind. A really familiar male voice, actually. Amanda turned around; curious.

The person in front of her was definitely the last person she thought she would have met. In front of her, smiling but surprised, stood Matt Hartley.


	11. A little more scared

**XI. A little more scared**

Amanda stared at him, motionless, for a while. She used to like him; better, there was a time when she believed to be actually in love with him. Having him in front of her, after everything which had happened, was a curious feeling. Leah interrupted her thoughts, grabbing the collar of her blouse, and she felt struck by a sudden realization: Matt, as well as having appeared to be a good catch for her and eventually having broken her heart, happened to be Tyler's brother. She almost laughed at the idea, his brothers kept on showing up back in New York but he remained missing.

"I… Dear, you look fantastic!" He began. He was clearly surprised too, unable to find the right words. "Uhm," He pointed to Leah, "Does she mean you're married or something?"

Amanda smirked, bitterly. She wished to be… "She's Leah, she's my daughter, but no, I'm not married." She explained, raising her left hand to show the lack of rings.

"She's really cute." He complimented. Leah turned her head to the stranger who was coming close to her. She grabbed her mother's purse tightly; scared of him.

"She… she's just tired, usually doesn't act this way with people. She's really friendly, actually." She tried to justify her daughters out of character response… It was strange, she mentally added: with her other uncle, Leah had been immediately affectionate.

"So…" Matt continued. "Is her daddy about to show up and punch me in the nose for scaring his baby?"

'_That's his other brother, Matt, who likes to punch you in the nose'; _Amanda thought. "Uhm, no. There's…. there's no daddy around."

"He's home?"

"There's not…I'm a single mum."

"Oh… oh." Matt stammered. "This… well then, that's tough I guess."

"Yes, it is."

An awkward silence fell between them. "Uhm…. "Amanda tentatively began. "So, what brings you back to the city? Shouldn't you be in Africa or something like that building wells and killing mosquitoes?"

Pride lit up his face. "Yeah, that's why I'm here: we need new funds to finance the projects in Botswana, and a couple of new ones in Congo."

"Wow… so, this humanitarian thing… it's for real.."

"What?" Matt asked back.

"Nothing." Amanda bit her tongue: maybe referring to Matt's proverbial tendency to give up before seeing things through, hadn't been the greatest idea ever; he had just proved the contrary, after all.

"And… any idea how long you'll stay?" She suddenly asked. The idea of having around someone who wasn't a Meade, Wilhelmina or Lily to spend some time with, someone else she could refer to, well, as a sort of _friend_ to talk with; this excited her so much.

"Uhm, at least three, four weeks. We _really_ need money down there." He paused for a moment. He had always found Amanda to be a cute, smart girl, underrated too much from others; he included, who had lost her from his life after he had chosen Betty. And now she was in front of him, holding a beautiful little girl who definitely reminded him of something, even if he couldn't place it. "We… we really should meet up sometime, you know, just for a coffee."

She nodded mechanically, as he handed her his business card. "That's my number. Call me."

Amanda grabbed the card, giving a cursory glance at it. "Sure."

Matt smiled lightly, and attempted to say goodbye to Leah. "Bye baby!" But the little girl still refused to look at him.

"See you soon, then." He said to Amanda too. "It was good seeing you."

She didn't return the sentiment; she merely waved as he walked away.

xXx

Daniel sat with his assistant on the back seats of his company car, waiting for the driver to arrive. Edwin had tried a couple of times to start a conversation with his boss, but Daniel had answered each time with a stubborn silence. The assistant felt something was wrong, but couldn't understand what exactly.

"Daniel," Edwin tried again. "Do you think the driver will be long? It's not that I don't respect his _needs_, but I promised Grandma I would be home for dinner, she made roast and-"

"We kissed."

Edwin turned to him, confused. "What?"

Daniel turned to face him too, shocked as well: he hadn't meant to speak out loud. "I… nothing."

"It's a woman, that's why your head's so up in the clouds." The assistant suddenly got the point.

His boss shook his head. "It's… It's more than that."

"It's a man?"

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "Hey, wrong brother."

Edwin instantly blushed. "I'm sorry. So… what's the problem? If I can ask, of course…"

"A woman."

This time Edwin was the one to raise his eyebrows. Daniel looked at him. "What? It's not that simple, I told you."

The Meade than moved his stare from his assistant. What's wrong with him? Those tiny little eyes behind the glasses were like a lie detector: if they stare at him too much, he felt forced to tell the truth. Sometimes he wondered if Edwin and Betty could be related.

He stayed silent for a while, considering if confiding in Edwin would be a good move. The alternative was keeping what had happened to himself; but that was already proving torturous. Edwin was the only reasonable choice: his mother was likely to kill herself or Wilhelmina. For a moment he had considered calling Alexis, but he felt afraid his sister would have not taken it seriously. Finally, Betty was an option to cut off immediately, considering how it had ended between the two of them, asking her advice on a matter of this kind could result in a really awkward moment.

He had no other choice than to open himself to the little spectacled assistant sitting next to him.

"Ok," Daniel said, "but before I tell you whatever I'm gonna tell you, swear it'll stay between us, and only us." Edwin nodded very decisively.

"Edwin, I really mean _no _one has to know. Not even your grandma."

The younger man tried to open his month to speak, but Daniel continued. "I know you tell her everything that happens here, don't pretend."

"But is not like she's going around telling what I tell her…"

"Edwin, no." Daniel insisted.

Edwin made a slightly sad face. "Ok… I promise you on my grandma's spaghetti and meatballs I'll never say anything to anyone… not even her!"

Daniel laughed. "Wow; that is what I call a solemn promise."

"It's damn serious, I assure you." Daniel looked at him: he was wearing a very serious stare.

"So… who is she?" Edwin finally returned to the core matter.

Daniel gulped silently. It was about time. "Wilhelmina kissed me. That it, I said it."

The words, coming one after the other in a rushed sequence, resulted in being incomprehensible to Edwin for a moment, until he pieced together what Daniel had just said. Then, he opened his mouth wide.

"What… I mean when? Where? How? Why? Oh my sweet Mother of God, this is… this is … Oh my, I don't know what it is!"

Daniel chuckled: that was exactly how he imagined Edwin would have reacted. "About an hour ago, in the Hudson's offices." He clarified. "We were checking the shots, and I assure you nothing could make think something like that was going to happen… I mean, she had Leah with her."

"You let a baby watch a scene like that?"

Daniel raised his eyebrows, again. "We didn't have sex, for God's sake. We didn't even use tongue!"

"I'm not sure I want to know these kind of details…. Anyway," He said, trying to change the direction of his boss's story, "Does it mean there's something between you and her? For real, I mean."

"No! That was the first time." Edwin looked skeptical. "I'm serious. Well, I kissed her once two years ago, in the elevator, but that was more like an accident that anything else…"

"But this means that, technically, it's already the second time you two have kissed."

Edwin was right, Daniel realized. But that time everything had been resolved with a punch and a good chat, this time was deeply different. A million reasons could be found to show the difference between the two, but what troubled him most – she had been the one who actually kissed _him_. And she had run away, after. For what he could say to know of Wilhelmina, he had always believed she wasn't the kind of woman who couldn't face the consequences of her own actions. Particularly when a man was involved.

"I can't understand why she did it. Once I would have thought it was part of some kinky mad plot against me and my family, but I know it's not that. Not to mention that if it were she would have stayed to enjoy my shocked face."

"So, why do you think she did it?" Edwin asked.

"I… I don't know. Maybe… maybe she just feels lonely."

That was the most logical answer he could summon. He couldn't say why, out of the millions of men there are in the world, she had decided to turn to him; especially considering all the baggage they both held. And even if, for some inexplicable reason, he was her choice, then why had she acted like a girl with her first crush? She had avoided him all day, trembled at his sight, and then ran away after a single moment of courage.

To confuse matters more, he really couldn't say he hated what had happened. Wilhelmina was surely a beautiful woman, the kind you can't push away if you are so lucky to have one approach you. He knew he had to consider their _history_, but if he tried for a moment to forget it, or just focus on what they were now – whatever they were – he had to admit he had enjoyed that kiss.

However, there wasn't anything romantic in it, he thought. Yes, he had felt closer than ever to her the night they had dinner together, and the same right before they kissed. It was a strange feeling that he wasn't able to classify, but surely not a romantic one. Probably it was just sympathy, mixed with physical attraction - simply a healthy, physical thing between two attractive adults. But still, why she had run away like that? No matter how he rationalized it, he couldn't reach an answer.

"So, what are you gonna do?" Edwin interrupted his thinking.

"I... I don't know. This wasn't something I was expecting to happen."

"But Amanda did."

Oh dear God, Amanda. If by any chance she found out about the kiss, she would be so freaked out. The sight of the two of them chatting and having an ice-cream had made her sabotage their photoshoot; a kiss would surely lead to a fire or some kind of more dangerous accident.

Joking aside, it would hurt her. And if there was a single thing he was sure of in this crazy situation: he didn't want her to suffer any more. He might not approve of her stubborn faith in Tyler, but that didn't mean she deserved any further bad surprises.

"She thought me and Wilhelmina were starting a relationship. That's different." He finally answered.

"But doesn't any relationship start with a kiss?" Edwin pointed out. He immediately regretted it though, mostly when he saw Daniel's shocked look.

"Yeah... But.. But nothing, there's nothing, because nothing can be, and nothing will ever be." Daniel babbled. "You know what?" He added, finally holding a firm tone. "Forget everything I told you. The smartest move I can do now is forgetting everything. Nothing happened, full stop."

"Do you think you'll manage it?"

"I'll try my best."

They heard the driver return and turning on the engine, essentially ending their conversation.

"Sorry Sir, for the delay!" He murmured.

Daniel nodded his head, and simply ordered him to drive.

xXx

While waiting for dinner to be ready, Daniel was sitting with his mother in the drawing room of their family home. Despite Claire's several attempts to start a conversation throughout, he had remained silent the whole time since Amanda had left them to go breastfeed Leah. Simply, he was terrified he would inadvertently reveal to his mother what Wilhelmina had done that afternoon.

"So," Claire tried again. "How's was today's meeting with Wilhelmina?"

Perfect, exactly the subject Daniel was praying ardently to avoid.

"Uhm, fine, I guess." He answered.

"What photos did you pick eventually? I loved that one with the model playing with her plaits… the Russian one dressed as a shepherdess, c'mon, you can't have forgotten her!" She exclaimed, noticing Daniel's absent stare.

"Oh… yeah, actually, I don't remember what we chose exactly."

That was true; they got so distracted by Leah and, well, the kiss, that at a certain point they had completely forgotten why they were there together.

"I can't believe it!" Claire exclaimed smiling. "Well, there are two options: either you have suddenly grown up and renounced your traditional lenticular attention for young, pretty models, or when you met, Wilhelmina had already picked all the photos needed. Don't know why, but I'd bet my entire patrimony on the latter."

"Oh... No, she didn't pick anything."

"Daniel, are you ok? God, you got so pale..." His mother suddenly noticed. Daniel gulped: if she knew he was hiding something from her, something like _that,_ he would be a dead man.

"Yes, I'm ok, perfectly fine." He quickly answered.

Another minute of awkward silence followed, until finally Amanda returned to the drawing room with Leah.

"Oh, here they come!" Claire said happily at their sight. She immediately stood up and went toward Amanda, in order to get her granddaughter in her own arms. Amanda silently let her grab the baby, smiling sweetly at her daughter when she went to Claire.

"You won't believe who I met this afternoon in Central Park." She said sitting on the couch.

"LiLo?" Claire joked, joining her. Daniel meanwhile chuckled slightly: it was clear how much time his mother had spent with Amanda in the last few months.

"Nope, she's in rehab... yet again, I told you last week! Anyway," Amanda went on, and gave a little sigh before the revelation. "It was Matt."

"Hartley?" Mother and son exclaimed together.

"Yup." Amanda confirmed. "I was walking and bam! I found him right in my path."

"Oh… wasn't he in Africa saving the world?" Daniel sarcastically commented. Amanda shook her head: for some inexplicable reason, he had never liked Matt; but to be honest, he had never liked the whole family.

She moved her stare onto Claire: unlike her son, she looked worried.

"What's wrong?" Daniel asked her.

Claire ignored him and spoke to Amanda. "What did you tell him? Does he… does he know anything about Tyler? Like-"

"Like that he's his half-brother?" The younger blonde completed for her. "I don't think so; he said he had just arrived in the city. He definitely didn't know anything about Leah or who her father is."

"Thank God!" Mrs. Meade exclaimed, relieved. Amanda looked at her confused: she couldn't understand why she seemed so glad Matt wasn't aware of the recent addition to his family tree. Daniel didn't know the exact reason either, but he was able to speculate a little.

Claire noticed her son and daughter-in-law's intrigued looks, but refused to give further explanation. Instead, she chose to investigate Amanda's intentions.

"Are you going to see him again?"

"Uhm… yeah, I guess. We were… friends, yes, friends; not to mention he's Leah's uncle-"

"See? This is the problem." Claire interrupted her. "He must not know of Tyler."

Amanda's eyes opened wide. "That's ridiculous. He's his brother, he deserves to know."

Claire sighed heavily. "He can't. I… made an arrangement with his father, in order to push him out the company."

"Does this arrangement involve no one knowing Tyler's' fatherly branch of his family tree?" Daniel guessed. The glance his mother shot him spoke volumes: he was right. He looked back at her, and she finally nodded to confirm.

"So, should I lie to him?" Amanda asked in a humble tone. Hiding the truth from someone, that they had brothers and nieces, that wasn't exactly her idea of reconnecting with old friend.

"Don't listen to my mother, Amanda; on the contrary, I think you should call him back, and tell him everything that you feel is right."

Claire glanced at him again; he got the message, and answered her. "I'm sorry mum, but we all haven't we all learnt that secrets don't lead anywhere. Plus, maybe it'll be good for Leah having another relative who's actually _present _in her life."

"Hey, that was mean!" Amanda cried.

"I'm sorry." Daniel said. "But think about it."

"Yeah, think about it." Claire reaffirmed. Of course, her intentions were the opposite to her son's.

"I'll think about it." Amanda answered, but neither knew to whom she was actually referring.

Meanwhile, Leah moved harder against her grandmother's chest; she made some sort of sound, like a protest. Claire tried to brush her hair, to calm her, but after a few seconds she noticed it wasn't working. Amanda noticed it too, and came closer to take the baby girl back in her arms.

"She's tired." She offered. Leah protested again, louder, and everyone realized she was about to burst out crying. Amanda made her rest her head on her shoulder, and whispered softly in her ear. "Don't worry honey, we're going bed. Be patient and quiet just a moment more, please."

"I really think you should call him back and talk." Daniel reiterated to Amanda.

She tore her eyes from Leah, and turned them to Daniel. "Why are you insisting on this?" She asked. "You don't like Matt, don't deny it."

"It's not about me, it's about you. You said you were friends, didn't you?" He questioned.

"Yes, but-"

"You were in love with him, too?"

"How do you know that?" Amanda burst out. Too loudly maybe: Leah immediately lost all the quietness she had gained until that moment. Her mother had to divert her attention from the adults in the room and start rocking her and whispering her sweet lyrics of some lullaby.

"That doesn't matter, now." She tried to cut him off, still rocking Leah.

"Why not?" Daniel wouldn't give up. "He's cute, nice, rich, and has a certain consideration of you - I used to listen to your monologue at the assistant desk, don't look surprised." He added, when he saw Amanda's confused face.

"Are you trying to fix me up with him?" She only began to realize.

"Maybe... I told you, why not?"

"Weren't you the one who thought the Hartley's were responsible for all worlds tragedies?"

"Oh please, let me be mad at only one Hartley at time." He joked.

If he were honest, he still didn't like Matt. Nothing personal, maybe he might grow on him... No, probably he would never like him, but he was exactly who he needed right now, or better, what Amanda needed. She needed a decent man to take care of her and of her baby; the fact he was Leah's uncle was certainly a point in his favor – whether the truth would come out or not.

Furthermore, if Amanda finally found peace, maybe even Wilhelmina would have find hers. Not that he had a lot to do with this latter, with the exception of the kiss. Or had he? This part remained somewhat nebulous.

"Oh please, don't stop hating both." Amanda replied sarcastically. She understood perfectly where Daniel was going. After all these months, she was still surprised how easy it was for him to try and pair her with someone.

"Oh, c'mon, it's not the worst idea ever…"

"Yeah, it's fabulous, brilliant, whatever… no."

She was no longer smiling. She had reaffirmed her fidelity so strongly with the her tone and stare, that further words were not needed.

Thankfully for Daniel, a maid had shyly shown up and with a tiny voice announced dinner was ready. They all stood up quickly, and walked to the dining room. After a few steps Amanda came closer to Daniel, and whispered him:

"We really need to talk later. West terrace, right after dinner."

Daniel tried to argue, but she insisted. "Please."

He nodded, only now remembering that she had promised him earlier that day to tell him new details about the events which happened while he had been away. He didn't feel so excited about them anymore thought; their last conversation had only served to persuade him that is would be just another attempt to justify Tyler's actions.

xXx

Meanwhile, a really confused Wilhelmina was wandering in her apartment. She held the newly recovered bottle of whiskey in one hand, from which she drank a little from time to time. No way could she sit or stop drinking: if she did that then she would allow her thoughts to come freely to her mind.

She simply couldn't understand what had happened. If she had to narrate to anyone the events of that afternoon, she probably wouldn't be able to tell them much more than an unarticulated series of sounds.

Passively, she arrived at the couch in the living room, where she threw herself down. Out the corner of her eye she saw the telephone, and the idea of calling Marc momentarily attracted her. But what would she say? It wasn't about a stupid dream anymore; it was real now. She couldn't blame her unconscious for that.

She rested her head against the back of the couch, and closed her eyes. The kiss immediately sprang to the front her mind, and for the first time that night she found herself sorry because it had lasted so little.

She had liked it, and that was all. Maybe it was the whiskey finally taking control of her brain, but all at once she realized she wasn't really sorry for what she had done. She wasn't sorry _at all_. If she regretted something, it was only that she had made the first move, simply because usually she liked to provoke her men until he was the one to start. But whatever, she knew sometimes it was necessary to take control immediately. The fact that the man in question was Daniel was a minor detail. She wasn't doing anything wrong; a little of _relaxation _was a right she deserved to exercise, full stop.

The trick was to see the situation as it was; while Amanda tended to exaggerate and see a potential replacement of their _men_ in every male human approaching them, she was able to recognize when it was a case of simple _distraction_.

Feeling stronger for her realization, she reopened her eyes and tried to stand, and rested the bottle on the coffee table. As she rested it there, she noticed a small pink rattle; one of Leah's many toys which were scattered all around the apartment.

Smirking, she grabbed it, and almost imperceptibly brushed it. That baby was a godsend, she sometimes happened to think. She could barely imagine how things would be if she and Amanda hadn't had her. It might appear strange, considering they were almost strangers when all the madness had begun, but the same inexplicable force that at first had pushed her to Amanda and Leah, it kept on bonding them all.

She studied the rattle a little more, bell by bell. There was a bond between her and Amanda, and ultimately Leah, which could not be ignored. Again, she had to think to how the girl would react if she ever found out of the kiss, or worse, if there'd been a higher-rated sequel.

It wouldn't be positive, not even after a million years had passed. Whatever they had done, it would hurt her, she was sure. She sighed, moving the rattle casually and listening to the little sounds it made, and closed her eyes again.

Finally, she arrived at the last feeling inside; guilt. Exactly how Amanda would have liked to think she felt, but the reasons were deeply different: in the blonde's opinion, she should have felt so for not staying loyal to Connor; in reality she felt guilty for feeling ready to move on instead of being chained to the past.

xXx

"So, here we are."

Amanda turned over, and saw Daniel approaching. She smiled slightly: this was her last opportunity to bring him over to her way of thinking.

It was a windy night; however, she stood there with no more than a silky short-sleeved blouse and one of her usual too short skirts.

"Aren't you cold?" He asked once he reached her, near the edge of the terrace.

"No, I'm fine." She lied: it was clear she was actually trembling. He moved to take off his jacket, but she prevented him with her hand.

"I told you, I'm fine."

He felt the urge to debate, but after a moment of hesitation he gave up, and went directly to the core matter.

"So, what do you want to talk me about?"

She looked in his eyes for a few moments before speaking. "I want you to know the whole story, from the very beginning. I want you to get know your brother for what he is, and not what you or others think of him."

Her voice was steady, or at least she tried to make it sound so.

He took a deep breath, and answered her. "It is really necessary? I'm already aware of your opinion, and you know how I feel about them."

"No, I don't." She replied. "I don't know how you feel about it. I thought you understood, but now you're coming out with this whole Matt thing."

"I do understand but...maybe the fact he's reappeared now is a sign it's time to change, don't you think?"

Amanda, irritated, turned round, and took a few steps away. He saw she was clenching both her fists. Then, suddenly, she turned again, and marched toward him.

"You think. Think of Leah, think of her!" She cried out.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Do you know why she's here?"

"Amanda, my mother gave me the 'birds and the bees' speech way before today, I assure you." He joked.

"You're the usual idiot." She grumbled back. "I mean... I mean _he _wanted her to be here."

"That's the important fact you've been keeping to yourself? That he wanted a girl, to call after his other mother?" There was sarcasm in his voice, and it only hurt Amanda more. However, she went on.

"He asked me to have a baby."

"Oh..." That did complicate matters somewhat, he thought. "So..."

"So it didn't just happen, as you all tend to think. He had just come out the rehab, we hadn't been together a long time, but still… he felt the urge to prove to me he really loved me."

"Wasn't a ring enough? Maybe he wouldn't have ruined your life if he'd left it at that."

"Oh, dear God, why don't you-" And then she stopped suddenly.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing. I give up." She said, and moved to leave.

He let her take a few steps, then stopped her, grabbing by her arm.

"Listen." He said. "Let's say I do believe that he's a good man; that he really loves you and your daughter, and he wouldn't have left you for anything in the world."

"So, you're suddenly convinced of this again?"

"Let's say I am. Then, something must have happened, preventing him from coming back."

Amanda immediately got where he was heading. "Don't even try to suggest he's..." She was getting pale. "That he's dead, or whatever."

He released his hold on her arm. "You seriously never considered the possibility?"

She shook her head energetically. "No. Not a chance in the hell."

She turned again, and continued her way inside.

"Amanda!" He called her back.

She was almost at the door when she stopped and returned her stare to him. Despite the distance, he could see the first signs of tears.

"Let's say it's true." Her voice was trembling, as was her body, shaken by the cold night, the anger and the sorrow. "Then start calling me a widow, if you prefer. But you can be sure that it won't change anything."

With that, she marched to the door and vanished behind it.

He stayed there motionless for an uncertain time, not knowing what else to do. Every attempt to make her see reason was useless; every attempt to ease her suffering only resulted in worsening the situation.

He was finally returning inside when his cellphone rang. Taking it from his pocket, the ID on the screen surprised him: Wilhelmina was calling.


	12. Friend of mine

**XII. Friend of mine**

Daniel gazed at the screen. He simply couldn't answer the call, feeling petrified. He thought to have found a _procedure_ to follow with her, but he hadn't considered the idea he would have to follow it immediately that night.

The cellphone kept on ringing. Yeah, he really had to answer. "Hello?" He finally said to the receiver.

Silence greeted him from the other side. Then he perceived a sound, a sigh; and he felt more confused, because he knew Wilhelmina wasn't someone who calls and then sighs down the phone. "Wilhelmina, it's everything ok?" He insisted.

"Uhm… yeah…" Wilhelmina finally spoke. "I mean, no."

Fortunately, odors can't travel through telephone lines, or he would have smelt the alcohol.

"I… we have to talk." She continued. "What happened today… I mean, I don't spend my days kissing all the men around, you know that right?"

"Yes… I guess." He tried to answer back. Was she drunk? Oh yes, she was; he heard an empty bottle falling on the floor. "Are you-" He didn't finish the sentence though. In all probability he won't have a drunken Willie to talk with ever again, so he felt he should keep up with the game. It was unfortunate; the fact that she wasn't in front of him now. Perhaps he would be able to go to her apartment... No, Amanda would be there soon too.

"No, I'm not." She had guessed his question anyway. "A couple of glasses surely haven't affected me that much.

"Are you ok?" He asked then politely. What if he managed to persuade his mother to offer Amanda and Leah hospitality for the night and he tried to reach Wilhelmina?

"I am f- what the fuck, I'm not fine at all!" She yelled at him.

"Can I do anything to help?"

Actually, he could name several ways he might try to _help_ her feel better, but again he found it better to _try_ to not reveal what kind of pictures were forming in his mind right now.

"I told you, we have to talk."

"Ok. Your place?" He asked. Yes, he really should ask his mother to hold Amanda there.

"I'm drunk, not stupid." She admitted.

"What do you mean? You said we only have to talk…" He grinned. He didn't know if it was the fresh night air or that, as a matter of fact, he had currently an advantage on her; the result was he felt braver than usual with her. He wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad thing, however.

"Of course…I meant it." He heard again the sound of the bottle falling. It wasn't that empty before…"Tomorrow. We will discuss it tomorrow." She announced after a pause.

"Yeah, discuss. Of course, discuss."

"Shut your fucking mouth up!" She yelled again. The advantage of being home alone for once: she could shout without having a child's interrupted sleep on her conscience.

"Ok, don't get angry! Just…do you mind telling me where the meeting will be?" No answer returned from her. Not even the sound of the bottle had falling again; he realized the line had been interrupted.

Frustrated, he angrily closed the call. Even under these peculiar circumstances, she managed to have the last word on the matter.

xXx

The morning after, Wilhelmina woke up on the couch, the first thing she saw was the bottle of whiskey still looking at her from the floor. She stayed motionless for some moments, lying on her stomach, as her left arm was hanging down. Lazily, she finally tried to sit, attempting in the meantime to retrieve a little dignity: she had just realized she had a trickle of drool at the corner of her mouth.

She cleaned it with her hand, and managed to assume a sitting position. How long had passed since she last got drunk? She honestly didn't remember. Many times she had felt tempted after Connor had left her, again; but Amanda and Leah's presence had prevented her from doing it.

The sunlight disturbed her, so she surmised it had not long turned to daylight outside. Of course, her head was hurting; another kind present from Mr. Alcohol, together with that silly call to Daniel; she remembered that clearly. Unfortunately, a hangover was all the whiskey had given her, with no sign of the so desired forgetfulness.

"Good morning."

Too tired and hurting to properly turn, she glimpsed in the voice's direction. Amanda was standing at the beginning of the corridor, smiling slightly to her. Despite only glancing at her briefly, Wilhelmina noticed she was pale.

"Morning." Wilhelmina muttered back. She then turned and looked at her properly, and it seemed to her she was actually trembling. "Are you ok?" Wilhelmina asked then, while the blonde came closer to her.

"Did you sleep on the coach?" Amanda asked back.

Willie gulped. "Nope. I…. I just woke up early."

"Yes, sure. I totally believe you." She commented, noticing the bottle still at Wilhelmina's feet.

"Believe what the hell you want." The latter answered dryly.

Amanda smiled again. She was curious to know why Wilhelmina had ended up spending the night with a whiskey bottle; but she felt so dizzy that avoiding complicated questions seemed a brilliant idea.

She tried to reach the other end of the coach, but staggered along the way. She fell on it, right next Wilhelmina.

"You smell like alcohol, do you know that?" Amanda told her in a whisper. Wilhelmina couldn't tell if there was more sarcasm or sympathy in her voice.

"And you aren't ok, do you know that?"

Amanda nodded, and stared at her; she was begging for something. Wilhelmina lifted her eyes, but it was more like a formal request, made in her own usual way. She didn't know if it was because of the hangover, or maybe whatever kind of affection she might have developed for the girl thoughts the last months; she just couldn't say no.

She nodded back to her, and Amanda felt finally authorized to rest her head on Wilhelmina's shoulder. Once she did that, Wilhelmina immediately felt the heat coming from her body, followed by the tremor she had only observed before.

"You're feverish."

"Can we please stop playing this 'You are…' game?" Amanda chuckled.

"Oh, sure, miss _I can wear miniskirt all year round._ This is the result."

"Hey," She raised her head for a moment from the other's shoulder, looking at her. "I wasn't wearing anything too short yesterday!"

"Sure, it was about an inch longer than the average."

Right after, they were laughing gently, together. Both would have never said it out loud, but they really liked when these moments occurred. Pain had pushed them close; it seemed only fair that cheerfulness sometimes got a little space between them too.

Then, all at once, Wilhelmina remembered why she had ended up spending the night drinking and weeping to Daniel through the telephone. It wasn't Connor's ghost who was tormenting her; it was hers.

"You should rest, or it might get worse." She said after a while.

"I can't, you know that." Amanda answered her, serious. She had returned her head to Wilhelmina's shoulder, and drew her legs against her torso, on the couch. "My baby needs me."

"I'll take her with me. Me, Lily, Claire… there's plenty of people who can take care of her."

"But…"

"Lily will bring her here at the right time, to feed her. Speaking of that, do you remember that awesome white high chair which is waiting for her in the kitchen, right?"

Amanda sighed. She couldn't tell Willie she hadn't the slightest intention of ever letting Leah use that high chair. Wilhelmina would have told her it was silly and immature, if Amanda had told her the reasons why she couldn't bring herself to stop breastfeeding her daughter. "Ok, take her with you."

Wilhelmina smiled, surprised. In making that offer she hadn't considered Amanda would actually have accepted it so quickly. Not that it would have prevented her doing it anyway, but she had definitely agreed too easily.

"Why's that there?" Amanda was pointing at the bottle. Wasn't she supposed to be the strong one in the house?

"I was cold. You know, alcohol warms." Wilhelmina said, not really wanting to let an inch of her issues come out.

Amanda turned her head, slightly, still rested on the other's shoulder, and looked at her face. Wilhelmina's stare was fixed in front of her; it was like she didn't want to look at the girl who was near her.

"You know that you don't have to pretend all the time, right?" Amanda finally said. "Especially with me."

Wilhelmina decided to return the blonde's look. "That's not something you should care about."

"What if I do?"

"Then just don't. Wanna care about something? Take care of yourself." Saying that, she moved to stand. Amanda muttered in protest, and fell with her whole body on the couch, stretching out.

Wilhelmina simply stood for a while, trying to gauge if she was able to keep her balance. After a while she thought she was ok, and turned to Amanda. She had curled up her legs, and twisted onto her side. Her eyes were closed; it took few seconds to register that she had fallen asleep.

Wilhelmina stared at her a little longer, then looked around to see if any blanket or similar was somewhere in the vicinity. She remembered grabbing one the previous night, and located it near the fireplace. She picked it up and returned to the couch, in order to cover Amanda.

Then guilt assaulted her once again.

xXx

Amanda didn't sleep peacefully though. Soon her thoughts had reprised their tormenting of her, not relenting for a single moment. She relived her discussion with Daniel, the previous night, she heard herself again and again asking to be considered a widow rather than just a dumped woman. Is that what she was? Did she really have to start considering herself this way?

Surely, that would have made things somehow easier. It could erase all the possible anger against Tyler; it could silence all the people who told her to hate him. But there was a fundamental problem: it meant she had to consider him gone, _forever_. And that went against all she had believed 'til now; that he would be back someday.

But what if returning would cost him too much? Or what if he didn't actually come back at all? She had to stop lying to herself, these were two concrete possibilities. She had avoided thinking it all this time, but maybe it was time to… yes, to think that.

She used to be too scared by this thought, and still she was. But things were changing, and soon a day would arrive when she had to definitely change her mind. Wilhelmina was accelerating the process; she was ready to move on, and asked her to do the same. And there was a part of her that wanted to accept this request, someday. This part stayed hidden in the deepest areas of her heart; she tried to suppress it every way, but it kept on struggling to come out.

Suddenly, she woke up. She was in a sweat, and breathing hard. Feeling the blanket on her, she kicked it off, feeling stifled. Opening slowly her eyes slowly, she wondered how many hours she had slept, hoping it was already time for Lily to bring Leah back home for lunch. Lazily, she turned her head and saw the time on her cellphone, which had been left on the café table, probably by Wilhelmina.

It was still ten o'clock. That meant she had only slept for a couple of hours, it meant that her baby wouldn't be home soon. Out of blue, she remembered Willie's comment earlier that day about the high chair. In fact, Leah was old enough to start eating solid food, but still her mother refused to let her abandon her breast. Wilhelmina had tried several times to understand why she was so refractory to the idea, but Amanda had never answered. She was sure her reasons would be found silly and fit only for an annoyingly sentimental person.

She was terrified to be abandoned again.

That realization led her to get mad at Marc's announcement to stay away a month longer; to disapprove Wilhelmina's intentions to move on, because this way she would be no longer just a 'dumped woman', and maybe she would stop feeling sympathetic toward her. And that led to her postponing the day when her daughter would stop depending on her body for nutrition. It was just a total irrational feeling she had, but she feared that depriving her baby from such a necessary physical contact would have the inevitable consequence of pulling Leah away from _her_.

She was terrified to be abandoned again, it was this fear that caused her to act in a way that risked keeping all the people she cared about at a distance; all the people she prayed so desperately would not leave her. Wilhelmina, Daniel, Claire: she knew they all wanted her to be ok, to finally be rid of the ghosts of her past. Lately, this had been expressed by a single request: to open herself to Matt. She counted even Wilhelmina in the number of the people who bet on him: she was sure the moment Willie would have known of his return, she immediately joined the cause.

She returned her eyes to the ceiling above her, not sure if she wanted to fall asleep again. She felt tired, and weak, because of the fever; but she definitely wasn't longing to have troubled dreams through her mind again.

Her cellphone rang. By instinct, she moved immediately, finding herself sat upright in a moment, with the phone at her ear. She hadn't even read who was calling. "Hello?" She exclaimed into the receiver.

No one answered her from the other side. She closed the call and looked to the screen: _private number. _She thought, amused, that it could be Marc playing with her again, like he had done about a week before. She'd like to call him, just because he probably was the only one who didn't know of Matt yet, and he would save her a new episode of _'why you should call him'. _

However, that phone in her hand made her consider that _maybe_ Marc wasn't the one on the other end of that line. What if it was Matt himself? It wasn't his fault if everyone seemed to consider him the savior and key player of her life.

What could she say to him? _How's life, can you bring me a soup?_ _Oh, everyone thinks I should ask you for a date, you want to? _

Yes, and maybe later tell him the truth about Tyler.

Whatever, she realized she really would like to call him after all. A brief chat, in front of a cup of coffee, what damage could that do? She kept on staring at the cellphone for a considerable time. She wanted to call him, and still her hand didn't move.

Eventually, the phone slipped down her fingers: the more she desired to do anything to help her feel better, the more she just couldn't.

xXx

On his brief journey to reach Mode's office, Daniel felt worried, and excited at the same time. He couldn't say what was happening exactly between him and Wilhelmina, but once again he was able to say for sure he wasn't rejecting it.

He could picture a thousand scenarios in his mind about how this meeting would close. Strangely, the most of them included, uhm, _physical activities. _He grinned, thinking of how he managed to think these kinds of thoughts in every situation, no matter how strange they might be.

The button for the 28th floor lit up; he'd arrived. When the door opened and she appeared, he didn't even have time to be surprised by the fact she was already there waiting for him. She had pushed him back in the elevator as soon as he had tried to take a step forward, and let the door close again behind her.

"What…?" He tried to ask.

She answered by pressing the button of some random floor, and then blocked the elevator.

"Here." She said sharply.

He smiled. "I like the place you chose. It's tremendously _evocative_."

"Stop babbling, if you don't want to be punched in the nose again." Her head was still killing her, and she felt terrified in a way she hadn't in a long time, including the disastrous previous day.

"So, here we are." She tried to politely start theconversation. "How… how are you?"

He couldn't retain a laugh. "Seriously Willie? You kissed me!"

How strange it sounded, saying it out loud.

"Yes, now that you mentioned it…" She rested her back against the door; Daniel smirked, amused that she must feel in need of a support. "It's complicated." She murmured.

"What? What is it that complicated?" With a considerable amount of courage, he moved closer to her. A couple of steps and he had reproduced the same, terrible closeness they had already shared.

She lowered her eyes; letting, for a moment, his breath warm her. "It's complicated." She repeated.

"What's complicated?" He asked again.

"You know what." She finally answered. "I mean, we don't really have a joyful _history_…"

"I'm over that."

"Really?" Her surprise was genuine. She knew he had somehow _forgiven _her, and so had his mother. They had given her Mode, in peace; the war had ended a long time before, and still she found herself surprised upon hearing the words from him.

"Yes, and you're just proposing excuses."

"I am not." She had spoken with all her determination, but instead he moved closer and closer to her.

"Then prove it."

In that very moment, she chose to let go of every fear, every guilty feeling, and every doubt that had crowded her mind in the last days. She was not a woman who permitted uncertainty to control her life, and she was determined not to turn into one.

She chose to let herself go, and she couldn't help but hope not to be disappointed again; finding out it was all another dream.

Finally, their lips met again. He immediately moved his hands on her hips, and pressed her body more against the door. He wanted to tease her lips a little more, but she forced him to open his mouth for her, while grabbing his head with her hands.

There was no fear this time in her; it had been all replaced by desire.

She kissed him eagerly now, pulling him to herself as much as possible. She _wanted _him on her, she was mad with his contact.

She suddenly stopped kissing. Once their mouths detached, he looked disappointed to her, desperately asking her not to run again. For his happiness, she returned the look and her eyes told him all different tales: she wouldn't run this time.

She shoved him to the opposite wall of the elevator, and kissed him again. After a few kisses though, she lowered to his neck, mostly to enjoy the satisfied grimace he made when she first bit it.

His hands were travelling south, from her hips to her ass. He wanted her to be ever closer, and so she complied. She pressed against his pelvis, feeling his erection ready for her.

"Here... Now." He proposed.

She momentarily raised her eyes from his neck. She didn't need to talk, the objection was clear.

"Relax, it's not the first time I've done it in this elevator. Or you, admit it." He added, noticing her malicious eyes.

"Ok." She simply said once her mouth returned to its place.

He didn't wait any longer. His hands came under her skirt, and started travelling with the direct contact on her skin. She left his neck, and returned to torment his mouth. At the same time, she reached for his belt and undid it. She intended to get to the point even faster than he might have considered, and acted consequently.

Grabbing her ass, he lifted her; she understood his intention and with a jump gripped his torso with her legs. For better balance, he moved again toward the door's side of the elevator, in a corner.

Still kissing, she moved to arrive at his member, he could only enjoy her lips since both his hands were busy. When she finally reached her destination, he abruptly pushed her more into the elevator's wall.

Behind her back there was the push-button panel.

xXx

It was about a quarter to noon; just a few minutes before the time when Lily should leave the Meade Building and bring Leah home. However, after another brief nap, Amanda had felt strong and rested enough to leave the apartment and reach her daughter first.

She smiled happily, when finally the elevator arrived in the lobby.


	13. Pretending Day

**XIII. Pretending Day**

A ding announced the elevator's arrival, and right after the doors finally opened. Immediately, Amanda's eyes met Daniel's; however, the exchange didn't last long: it was so brief she never even noticed the woman clinging to him.

Later, she would try to remember more details of the glimpse she got, with little luck. All she could remember was what she had seen right after Daniel's face: complete darkness, and nothing else.

xXx

Quickly, Daniel pushed the button to close the door. At the same time he relaxed his hold on Wilhelmina, who had to return to her feet so not to fall on the floor. He remained motionless looking at the push-button panel, in the desperate attempt to find an appropriate floor to move to. Opting for Hudson; and violently pushed the button.

"What the fuck is happening?" Wilhelmina shouted out.

"The elevator opened…" Daniel started babbling. "I think… I think Amanda saw us."

"Oh…" Was all she could reply.

Slowly, she let her back rest against the doors, and adjusted her skirt back in a proper position. She couldn't believe to what had happened. She knew she hadn't been the best person in her life, but refused to accept karma, or whatever in its place, would be so cruel with her. It was totally unbelievable that in the very moment she finally let herself go and have a little fun and relax, it ended up this way.

Amanda had seen them, and they hadn't even concluded their _whatever_. Another big drama was about to explode, and she had nothing in return. Meantime, Daniel had started moving in circles in the elevator small area, unable to find even a little lucidity.

"Oh please, stop behaving like an animal in a zoo." She burst out after a while.

He obeyed, and returned in front of her, so close she felt tempted for a moment to start again from where they had been interrupted. She moved her mouth toward his neck, with this intention, but he took a step back.

"Willie, are you aware of the gravity of the situation?" He said with a heavy tone. So heavy actually that she couldn't take it seriously and ended up giggling.

"What? Why are you laughing now?" He exclaimed.

"I'm laughing, so I won't cry, isn't obvious?" She reasoned, still laughing.

Daniel remained serious; but she didn't stop laughing, not even a little. Instead, after a while her laugh became louder.

She couldn't tell exactly why she was suddenly feeling so in the mood for laughing. Blaming the absurdity of such a situation wasn't enough; after all, the last six months had been pretty crazy, but she'd never felt like laughing about it. And still, suddenly, all the frustration, the disappointment, that just a minute before had struck her, went away.

She loved the way she was feeling in that very moment. Light hearted, amused; she and Daniel Meade were about to have a quickie in the elevator, and been interrupted. And now they stood half-undressed, ruffled, laughing.

In fact, he had joined her. "This is… so absurd." He tried to say, but hilarity prevailed over him. He realized that maybe it was silly; laughing at their situation, but for the moment it appeared to be a reasonable way to pull away from the consequences of their actions.

He looked at her; he honestly didn't think he would have lived long enough to be so lucky and see Wilhelmina laughing that way _twice _in a few days. But once again, the tinkling sound of the elevator woke them; they had arrived at Hudson's floor, but this time Daniel was quicker in blocking the door's opening. The moment he pushed that button, they both suddenly stopped laughing.

"If she has seen us, for real," She began. "I… damn it. I didn't want her to know this way."

Guilt was a relatively new feeling for her. She was used to causing hurt in others, or desiring they be hurt; and in all those processes guilt had rarely participated. She sometimes thought that sooner or later she would feel guilty for one of her several horrible and despicable actions; but she never would have believed she would be getting acquainted with it in such a situation.

Daniel, from his side, didn't know how he had to behave. He didn't want Amanda to know either, not that way at least; and still he didn't manage to feel sorry for what had just happened. Yes, he had panicked at first; but that was more related to the fact of being caught in the act than anything else.

He had affection for Amanda, he really did. He allowed himself to believe that the sooner she finally came out from the limbo she had chosen to put herself in, the sooner she would finally be ok again. In the meantime, he would be free to explore whatever was striking between him and Wilhelmina.

"Ok, we need to know what she saw exactly." She continued. Daniel recognized her typical decisional tone, and smiled slightly.

"What do you propose?" He asked.

"I'm returning to Mode. Lily should be informed there's no more need to bring Leah home."

"And what about me?" Daniel asked back, even though he already knew what she was about to say.

"You are going back down to that lobby and speaking with Amanda."

"Why I am the one who has to go there?" He exclaimed. "You live with her. Isn't it a job for you?"

"That's why I won't go."

Daniel sighed; knowing he couldn't persuade her of anything contrary to what she had decided. "Deal." He answered eventually.

Wilhelmina smiled weakly, and started adjusting her hair and clothes. Once she thought she looked ok, she selected the button for Mode. When the doors opened, she moved to get out of there. Just a step outside however, she turned back to Daniel.

"Daniel?"

"Yes?"

She lowered her eyes on him. "Your fly is still down."

xXx

While he travelled down the building once again to return to the lobby, Daniel tried to focus his attention to what could happen if his _whatever-it-was _affair with Wilhelmina had been found out. A series of definitely negative consequences were presented to him, and he didn't know how exactly but they all tended to converge in the picture of a very angry Claire.

He reached the first floor, and finally entered the hall, he actually didn't know if it was better to meet Amanda's eyes once again, or not. This was the main reason why he wasn't sure if he was relived or disappointed to find her in such a state.

She was stretched out on the ground, unconscious. The crowd didn't seem to have really noticed her, despite her proximity to the elevators.

Daniel ran to her, his relief or disappointment was replaced by concern. He bent over her and touched her head; feeling the warmth he immediately understood the reason she had fainted; he sort of thanked God realizing that this was not his and Willie's fault. Amanda!" He called her. Grabbing her head he said louder. "Amanda, please, wake up."

She moved a little, and muttered something incomprehensible, but her eyes didn't open.

"Oh my God!"

Daniel turned, and saw his mother bearing down on the two of them. "What happened? Oh dear God!" She exclaimed, bending down as her son had. Gently, she stroked her forehead. "She's still feverish." She noticed.

"_Still_?" Daniel asked.

Claire lifted up her stare from Amanda. "I met Lily before, and she told me Amanda stayed home because she was sick."

"I see." He commented. "Why she has come in then. I mean...what if no one had found her for a long time. What if I hadn't been here?"

"Why were you here anyway?" She immediately asked him. Daniel bit his tongue; he hadn't even had the time to worry about the implication of his comment and his mother had already asked the only question he didn't want to hear.

"Uhm... _Work stuff._" He grumbled.

Claire looked down back, but not at Amanda: her eyes pointed at Daniel's shirt badly put in his trousers. "Daniel, do you realize you work in a _male _fashion magazine now, don't you?"

Daniel blushed, embarrassed. "Yes... But, you know, Hudson is only a floor down from Mode... Whatever, do you know even why she is here or not?"

Claire smirked: she recognized her son's attempt to avoid _personal _questions. For the moment, she would play Daniel's game; however she would remember to better investigate later. "Leah was with Lily. A genius isn't needed to see why Amanda came in; she was missing her baby."

Daniel smiled bitterly. "She risked so much. But you know," he continued after a pause for thought, "doing crazy stuff… this is so like Amanda."

"This is so like a mother."

He looked at Claire, and saw her pride and admiration for the maternal instinct Amanda showed.

"However," She went on. "she can't stay here. Carry her to Mode."

Daniel's stare turned sceptical. "_Carry_? Like _I _should bring her?"

"What? Do you want me to do it? Hey," she added, when Daniel started chuckling. "It's not like I couldn't do it."

"Yes, sure." He quickly commented. "I got it by the way."

Without any further hesitation, he grabbed and lifted Amanda, whose more frequent murmuring gave the impression she was rather sleeping.

"You coming with us?" He asked.

"Sure. Oh, wait." Claire stood up too and Daniel recognized the change on her face and the return of _personal questions _mode. "Have you told your _friend_ you can't meet her again for now?"

Daniel gulped. "Haven't we left this behind us?" He tried.

"Yes, yes. You checked she isn't underage yes? You know, you have a history…"

Had his mother just asked him if Wilhelmina was underage? It took him some moments to remember his mother didn't actually know he was with Wilhelmina; and some more time still to get over the idea of a very young naughty Willie.

"Why are you grinning like an idiot now?" Claire asked him, abruptly, and made him gulp again.

"She's a model." He pretended to give up. "Blonde, pale… you know, a model."

"I see."

She stared at her son, scanning him. She might be wrong about several things, but of one thing she was sure; the man in front of her was over models for a long time now.

xXx

In the last fifteen minutes, Wilhelmina had been feeling annoyingly anxious. It wasn't like Amanda didn't expect anything of this kind sooner or later; she knew perfectly well that Wilhelmina was ready to _move on, _and she had somehow accepted that when the eventuality occurred; her roommate may well be proceeding with Daniel. There was no real reason to feel in danger if she had, in fact, seen them making out. Wilhelmina felt worried about potential gossip invading the office, but not that it would hurt Amanda.

Even so, Wilhelmina couldn't help but think it would be better if the girl didn't find out about her and Daniel's _whatever it was _yet. A silly thought came across her mind; that she wouldn't want to hurt her while she was ill, that it was like shooting to an already wounded animal in the woods.

Her eyes fell on Leah; the baby was staring at her from her cradle.

"Oh, you too! Please stop with the judging look!" She exclaimed. "We were doing nothing wrong!"

Leah made some sounds of hers, which sounded to Willie like an objection. "What? We weren't! Whatever you and your mother may think!"

But her _argument _with the baby was interrupted by someone knocking at the door. She cast a last glance to the little girl, and nervously shouted "What?"

Claire opened the door violently and marched inside, followed by a very tired Daniel.

"What the hell is going… is that Amanda?" She added, when she noticed what kind of baggage he was carrying.

"Yes, Wilhelmina… do you mind if we take advantage of your chaise long?"

The editor-in-chief didn't manage to do more than open her mouth; Claire was already gesturing to her son to put the unconscious woman where indicated. Daniel obeyed and gently arranged the girl on the spot. Claire immediately sat on the extremity of the chaise, and brushed the girl's face sweetly to check her status.

Meanwhile, Wilhelmina grabbed Daniel's shirt on his back and pulled. "What the hell is going on?" She whispered.

Daniel turned his head only a bit, and whispered back. "She fainted in the hall."

"Do you think-"

"She'd better wake up soon," Claire started saying. "I'm really starting to worry. Maybe we should call a doctor, what do you think?"

Daniel and Wilhelmina weren't listening at her. Daniel, with his back still to Wilhelmina, murmured again. "Look, can we just wait for her to come round, to find out-"

"How much she saw. Yes, I know." She stopped a second, and took a deep breathe. "We're doomed!"

"Oh c'mon, don't be so dramatic, I'm sur-"

"Oh my God! Amanda!" Daniel and Wilhelmina temporally interrupted their discussion, and returned their interest to Amanda, and Claire, who had just shouted to her.

Slowly, the girl was opening her eyes; with a certain effort, because of the sudden light all around her. "What… where am I?" Amanda said with a very low voice. "I just… I just-"

"Shhh, everything's ok now dear." Claire told her attentively. "You want me to call a doctor huh?"

Amanda shook her head. "No, I'm fine, just- Hey!" She interrupted herself, finally realizing she was in Wilhelmina's office and that her baby was very close to her. When her eyes finally met Leah's, she smiled widely. "Honey, here you are!"

Pushing Daniel aside, Wilhelmina approached her quickly. "Yes, here she is!" She practically cried out. "And Lily was about to bring her to you, at _home_!"

"I'm sorry Wilhelmina, it's just I missed her and-"

"And what? You're so irresponsible!" Wilhelmina continued. "You fainted in the middle of the hall, for God's sake!"

"Wilhelmina, calm down." Claire tried to tell her. "After all, everything has ended well."

"Oh, yes, if only for the fact she didn't fainted in the middle of the street!" Wilhelmina retorted.

"I'm sorry, I didn't intend to-"

"Shut up!" Wilhelmina silenced the girl. "You never listen to me, huh?"

Amanda tried to say something, anything, in her defense, but Wilhelmina imperiously turned her back and hurried out the door. Daniel felt the urge to turn to, and grab her to remind her that this wasn't the matter they had to worry about, that she seemed to have forgotten the thorny subject of Amanda's visual. But all this died immediately on his lips, he barely moved toward the door, letting Wilhelmina go away.

Claire observed the editor-in-chief departing, surprised by that sudden reaction. She felt tempted for a moment to follow her, to ask more about what she had just seen; however she returned her attention to Amanda, and softly addressed her. "You know, maybe you really should take some rest now."

"I've been unconscious up 'til now Mrs. Meade, do you really think I should do it more?" Amanda joked. "Seriously, I just want to spend some time with my girl."

As she spoke, she made an attempt to stand, and approach the cradle. But Claire had quickly reached her, and lightly pushed her back. "I won't yell at you like Wilhelmina, although I order you to stay exactly where you are."

Claire went to Leah, and lifted her from the cradle. "Hey sweetie! Ready to say hi to your mom?"

She handed the baby to her mother, who immediately pressed the little girl to her breast. Claire smiled, then turned to Daniel.

"I think we can go now." She told him. "Lily will be outside, ask her for anything you need, I'm sure Wilhelmina would agree." She added to Amanda.

Daniel tried to protest. "I don't think we-"

Claire frowned. "What's the problem?"

"Huh?" Daniel realized it wasn't the time or place to overdo things further, and lied. "Nothing. You right, I have to go back to work. "

He waved to Amanda and Leah, and moved to the door, followed by Claire. Once they were almost outside, she told him: "You know, you should return to your _friend _and explain to her what's happened."

"Huh? Oh, no" He gulped and hoped his mother had not noticed it. "She's a model, she won't really care."

From inside, Amanda happened to hear his latter words, and couldn't help but think that a model was an odd choice of name for who she had peeked with him.

xXx

"Wilhelmina, wait!"

Wilhelmina lazily raised her eyes from the photos she was observing. Claire was standing in front of her, and for some mysterious reason was smiling at her in a way that could only been considered suspect.

"What?" Willie asked. "I have to work to do here, so please be quick with whatever annoying thing you feel the urge of communicate."

"Oh, look at you, that's so sweet."

"Please, don't stand on ceremony. I really have work to do here, contrary to you."

Claire ignored this last dig and continued. "I just want you to know how I was pleasantly surprised by what I just saw in your office."

Wilhelmina smirked. "You surprised by Amanda's stupidity? It's not that big a deal, I assure you."

The other woman shook her head, and smiled once more. "Your reaction. I found it very… yes, I may say it was very maternal."

Willie raised her eyebrows. "Have you just said I acted like some sort of _mummy_?"

Claire started giggling. Why was Wilhelmina so surprised? Claire was the first to think that there was a certain probability that in front of her was some sort of alien in Wilhelmina's shape.

"I only said you seemed very protective towards Amanda. I didn't realize how far your relationship with her had developed."

Struck by her former enemy's observation, Wilhelmina stopped and considered her reaction at Amanda's awaking. Daniel had persuaded her the main point was finding out what Amanda had seen; still when the girl had awoke she suddenly realized what kind of danger she had foolishly put herself in.

Amanda sometimes behaved like a child, who just can't do what her parents told her. It could be funny sometimes, even though she would never admit it, but this time had been purely dangerous.

But why did that matter to her? Was it as Claire had said; had her relationship with Amanda gone further than she thought and now she really cared of her? Not to mention how odd it sounded to her Claire's comparison with a worried mother. However, she practically giggled when she realized than then she could be considered like some sort of grandma for Leah.

"You're giggling now." Claire immediately noticed.

"It's nothing, I was just considering how easily you switch from insults to compliments."

"Oh, _that_!" Claire gestured somehow. "I hope you weren't offended by my observations the other night… step in my shoes, I thought you were being slutty with my son."

"I'm pretending to not feeling offended _now_." Wilhelmina answered back.

"That's sweet of you. Anyway, since we are already speaking so _nicely_," Wilhelmina intercepted with a skeptical look "Can I ask you a couple of questions?"

Wilhelmina sighed. "Well, considering you just so _nicely _interrupted my work, I guess you can annoy me another couple of minutes. Ask away!"

"Oh, thank you dear. Anyway, do you remember Matt Hartley?"

"Who?"

"Matt, Cal's son. He worked here, you must remember him." Claire reminded her. "He was with you and the others in that infamous trip to the Bahamas-"

"Yes Claire, I remember him. I was just wondering why on earth you are interested in _my_ opinion on someone I couldn't care less about."

"He's back in town, and I think you might be interested in him, since Daniel already wants to pair him with Amanda… tell me, do you share this idea?"

Wilhelmina basically burst out laughing. "Yes, sure, why not."

"You're laughing because…?"

"Because Daniel is the only one who could think of something so stupid." Willie explained. "I thought he knew Amanda way more than me, and you too."

"What do you mean?" Claire asked, now honestly curious about Wilhelmina's point of view.

"Claire, _dear, _our little common friend freaked out at the idea _I _was dating another man. How do you think she'd react at the idea of _her_ dating another man who's not mysteriously vanishing son?"

"I don't know. It's all in Daniel's mind for now, but I want to know if you think this Matt boy has some possibility to… well, to succeed, eventually."

Wilhelmina sighed, and her stare turned suddenly darker than before. "You saw it in there. She doesn't listen to me, so there is no way she will understand how she needs to move on."

"I see." Claire simply accepted.

Wilhelmina returned her attention to the photos she was working on, but Claire immediately interrupted her again. "Anyway, perhaps she's better that way, rather than turning back into a whore like Daniel has."

Wilhelmina _had _to come back to Claire. "Did you just call your son a _whore_?"

"Yes, I have. Do you know what he was doing before finding Amanda in the hall?"

These words made Wilhelmina immediately start sweating, and her voice almost died in her throat. "Uhm… n- no." She faltered.

Claire didn't notice her change though, and kept on with her indignation. "He was in the elevator with some model. Stupid me, I thought he was past this!"

Wilhelmina knew she had to react, she could feel the worry adding years to her life with every second. "Claire," She began, with a new, stronger tone, "Why are you lamenting with me of this? Your son loves women, everyone knows that."

"Yes, I know but… dear God, a model! I _actually_ thought he had abandoned that kind of woman!"

"Yes yes yes," The other cut off. "A model, huh? Have you seen her? Or… did Amanda tell you?"

"No, Daniel did." Claire answered. "He had to justify why I found him with his shirt out of his own trousers."

Her words gave Wilhelmina back a couple of years, but still didn't give her back full control of herself. She was glad Daniel had been smart enough to cover for them, but Claire's disbelief and disappointment made her consider that maybe it was better for her to avoid any further conversation.

"Maybe he simply wants a reminder of what American girls taste like. This is _typical_ behavior of Yankees going abroad. Look, I have to go," She said, hastily picking up her photos and documents. "See you, and _God bless America_!"

Without any other words, she ran away, just making Claire suspect that she might know more than she claimed to…

xXx

The others had left her and her baby for several minutes, and now Amanda was handling Leah peacefully to make her fall asleep after her lunch. Still on the chaise longue where Daniel had deposited her, she silently stayed holding her little girl tightly.

Their moment of solitude, however, was interrupted by someone knocking at the door. She chose not to answer, hoping that whoever it was would go away.

"Can I come in, please?"

Amanda recognized Lily's voice. At least, it wasn't the uber-caring Claire or Wilhelmina, whose favorite hobby those days seemed to be yelling at her for every reason.

"Come in." She gave up.

The tiny figure of the young assistant appeared in front of her, in a peculiar assembly of colors that immediately made Amanda think of Betty in her golden years. "Have you robbed Betty's closet?"

Lily lowered her eyes on the rainbow-colored rhomboidal textures of her blouse. "Uhm… I'm sorry."

Amanda chuckled. "Don't worry, if Wilhelmina hasn't killed you for it yet, I think I could ignore it too."

Lily shyly smiled. "Thank you Amanda."

"So, tell me, what's the problem? They sent you here to check I don't get in trouble again?"

Lily shook her head. "No, I've come to give you this." She explained while approaching her. In her hands, was Amanda's cellular.

"Why do you have it?" She asked, taking it from the assistant's hands.

"It slipped from your pocket, when Daniel had brought you here." Lily said. "You're lucky, it could have got broken. Once my uncle Bob has this phone, and-"

"Yes, yes." Amanda interrupted her. "Have you seen this?" She asked then, turning the phone so that Lily could read the screen.

Lily didn't even look at it, and immediately answered. "Yes. He called at least three times in the last hour."

Amanda carelessly launched her phone from her, refusing to look any further at the screen. On it, Matt's name was displayed. "Aren't you going to answer him?" Lily asked her. "He just wants to talk, that's not a big deal is it?"

Amanda raised a surprised stare to the other blonde. "How do you know that?"

Lily gulped: Amanda's tone scaring her. "I—He called me too; we had a coffee a couple of da-"

"You KNEW he was in town?" Amanda exclaimed. "How… what… why didn't you tell me anything?"

Lily gulped again, louder, more scared. "I… I thought… I thought it was better this way."

"Good job! Or not, why did he call you?" Amanda inquired.

"Well, we worked together at the features department… He's always been nice with me."

"Oh whatever!" Amanda stood up, more troubled then she wanted to be. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked again.

"Well, look at how you're reacting…" Lily softly started. "I… Look, I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter." Amanda told her. She started walking up and down the room, still holding the now fully awake baby, peeking sometimes at the assistant and the phone on the chaise longue.

"I think that maybe you should answer him eventually…."

Amanda stopped at her words, and turned to her. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not?" Lily naively asked.

"It's… it's complicated."

"What? He's a good person who simply wanted to have a coffee with you."

This rationalization hit Amanda more then she expected. In a few words, the little assistant had showed her the situation again for what it just was: not a big deal. She just had to block out all the external intrusions, no matter if it were Daniel's or Wilhelmina's. Yes, she could try and do that.

"Lily, please, do you mind taking the phone and texting something for me?" She said after a while, in a suddenly gentle tone.

Lily immediately obeyed. "Sure." She said, grabbing the other's phone. "Tell me."

"Text Matt and tell him if he can meet me tomorrow at the Starbucks down there. I'll be fine for then, don't make faces." She added, noticing Lily perplexed face.

As she watched the other girl quickly texting in her place, she hoped she wouldn't show her any of her own doubts: there were enough in her own mind.

xXx

"Still working?" Amanda asked from the couch where she had refuged.

Wilhelmina grumbled back to her. "Yes, since today everyone seemed to have fun making me lose time."

Amanda ignored this and continued disturbing her. "Have you heard the latest news?" She asked, in her more traditional gossip tone.

"You have plans for swimming in the Hudson at midnight tomorrow?"

"Huh?" Obviously, Amanda never appreciated Wilhelmina's irony.

"Nevermind. So, what is it?" She asked then, faking an interested tone.

"Just before I fainted, the elevator open in front of me and surprise! You'll never guess who I saw!"

The pen Wilhelmina was holding pratically slipped away before she even stilled her hold on it: she was too busy in loosing, again, years of her life. But Amanda didn't notice her state of alert, and continued. "Daniel, _busy _with some woman... Damn, I didn't see her though."

Right then, Wilhelmina reprised breathing regularly, and raised her eyes for a moment to thank whatever gods had decided to help her at last. All the worrying had been useless, Amanda hadn't seen anything after all; everything was fine. Perhaps it was only a temporary solution, but at least she would have more time to better deal with everything. "She's some model. Claire told me." She explained, at Amanda's curious look.

Amanda smiled. "Oh sweet, so now you and Claire gossip together!"

"Oh, shut up!" Wilhelmina answered back, thought with some sort of smile on her lips.

"And what else did our chatterbox Claire tell you?"

Without actually thinking of what she was about to say, Wilhelmina promptly answered her. "She said Matt Hartley is back in town, and Daniel wants to pair you with him."

Amanda's smile immediately vanished. "Oh, I see." Something in her was battling to decide what to do. She sometimes desired just to forget Matt and the meeting she had eventually proposed; but he had already said yes. Right now she considered that maybe she should try to discuss the situation with Wilhelmina in order to get some sort of advice on what to do. But this idea had hardly time to form, stifled by the prejudices she knew Wilhelmina had.

"What's wrong?" Wilhelmina politely asked.

Amanda didn't answer, and just stared at her: her eyes spoke volumes, and Wilhelmina also already knew the answer. The silence however lasted more than intended; interrupted by the doorbell at the entrance.

"I'll go." Amanda said, practically jumping from the couch, _anything_ to interrupt that moment.

She arrived at the door, and didn't even ask who was. Automatically, she opened it, and it was in that moment she believed her heart had have stopped for several seconds.

He stood in front of her, smiling widely while trying to carry too much luggage for someone like him.

Smiling at her there, was Marc.


	14. I'm here to take you now

**XIV. I'm here to take you now**

"Oh my-"

She didn't manage to say much more than that; all she could do was fling her arms round Marc's neck and hold him tightly. He let his luggage fall, and immediately returned the hug, welcoming her when she jumped on him.

They stayed that way for some time; both had often thought how it'd be when they would meet again, yet neither of them had predicted the overwhelming happiness they were feeling now.

Amanda mostly; all the pain that had weighed her down in these last months was currently miles away, there was nothing other than her and her Marc-y-Marc.

When eventually she left him, the brightest expression was on her face. Still holding his hands, she found the voice to ask him about his sudden appearance.

"Oh my God! What are you doing here!" She exclaimed, tightening her hold. "You were supposed to return in three weeks… I didn't see it coming at all!"

Marc smiled. "Well, there was this huge contract to close with Dolce and Gabbana and- hey, can I get in?"

"Oh, yeah…" Amanda muttered, and immediately pulled him inside, as he tried to drag his luggage behind him without losing his balance.

Meanwhile, Wilhelmina moved toward the entrance to see why the girl was screaming and taking so long to return with their visitor; the sight was more than even she could expect.

"Well, good evening Marc." She gently greeted him. "This is definitely a pleasant surprise."

Marc looked finally at her, and say hello as well. "Hi, Wilhelmina. I hope I'm not disturbing you."

She didn't even realize it, but her eyes moved into Amanda's right after being poised on Marc. Was that real? Was their Marc back for real? They always knew it would happen; but then there had been his announcement, after which, for a moment had given them the fear he would never come back.

But it wasn't so; he was here, he was with them again. Wilhelmina wouldn't even admit it, but she was truly happy he was back; he, who had spent so many years of his life _rescuing _her.

"Well, you're here now." She answered him, faking a certain imposing tone. "I guess I can only enjoy this sudden visit. Please, take a seat." She said than, showing him the couch behind her.

For Marc, everything was quickly turning in the oddest moment ever. When he had visited, more than five months before, he didn't really touch hands with the situation. He hadn't had the time to get used to the picture of Amanda and Wilhelmina under the same roof; nor to Wilhelmina welcoming him as a guest.

"No, no!" Amanda exclaimed, reprising pulling Marc in her direction. "You must see Leah first! You must see how gorgeous she's become!"

Marc smiled; another thing he had to get used to as soon as possible, Amanda being a mother.

"Oh please, let him get some rest!" Wilhelmina reproached her.

Amanda grumbled, and started rocking on her feet in a very childish way. "But I want him to see her!" She said, and faked a sulky expression.

To things like that, Marc thought, he was used to instead; to Amanda switching that fast from a mother to a child.

"You'll show him later. I told you," she returned to Marc. "Take a seat."

Marc quickly glanced to Amanda, and finally moved in order to obey Willie. The blonde followed him, still holding him by his arm.

Wilhelmina walked behind as well, and the three of them sat on the couch.

"What were you saying about how you got here sooner?" Wilhelmina asked.

"Well, since we're all here… tell! Why did you tell us you would be longer and make us think you deserved to die?" Amanda joined in, tugging him again, harder.

"What?" Marc cast a worried look; Amanda's creepy sense of humor struck again. "Anyway, we had this big contract to wrap up with Dolce and Gabbana, and everything seemed to go fine, when suddenly _the horror_! The day of the meeting, the delegation got blocked in some stupid town in Northern France, and they blamed us for that!"

"Are you trying to tell us you got fired?" Willie joked.

"Nope. That is how I saved the whole magazine."

Amanda opened her mouth in admiration; Wilhelmina raised her eyebrows in attempt to look the same but with the littlest movement possible, with very poor results.

"Their people got totally mad." Marc continued. "They started calling all around to tell others to pull advertising. In less than an hour we were losing almost half of the total advertising quota for the next issue. All because of the driver, who we later found was a little too much into homemade Calvados…"

"What?" Amanda interrupted him. "Calvados is really good."

Wilhelmina reserved her questioning glance. "I had a French boyfriend once." The girl quickly explained.

"And what happened then?" Wilhelmina asked.

"Well, I managed to reach them, and I persuaded them to accept our offer of peace, comprising of a fifteen percent discount and their whole travel paid by us. You know, once I got into their hotel room it was been easy to work those guys – who, if I have to be honest, were the least hot Italians in the whole word."

"How did you get in?" Amanda questioned again.

Marc laughed. "Isn't oblivious?" He said. "With a crate of Calvados!"

Willie looked at Marc; she would ask him later about those bottles of liquor…

"Wait, why would Alexis let you go away if you had just saved the situation?" Amanda asked, anticipating Wilhelmina was about to ask the same question.

"Oh, she wanted me to stay longer. We were in the middle of this crisis when I told you I'd be a mouth longer." He explained. "But then it was all solved, and so she promised me whatever I wanted in return. I asked to come home, and voilà!"

"I thought you liked it there." Wilhelmina said.

"Oh, I did." He answered. "God only knows how I'll miss French guys. But…" He briefly looked at each of his _girls_, and smiled. "But I missed you more."

Amanda clenched around his arm once again, feeling the immediate urge to make him know he had her back now. Wilhelmina simply gave the hint of a smile, and Marc returned the look.

"Ok, now we know the story, yay!" Amanda exclaimed, and sprang to her feet, forcing him to do the same. "Now, can we go finally to bed?"

"First," Marc pointed out. "This sound dirtier than it should."

Amanda chuckled, amused. "Second," He continued. "I think you should ask Willie first if I can stay; and trust me, I'm not that su-"

"Oh please Marc," Wilhelmina interrupted him. "There have been periods you practically lived here. Plus, the bedroom is not mine."

"I won't sleep in yours?" He mocked her, playfully.

Amanda, however, prevented him or Wilhelmina any further ramblings, and began pulling him by the arm toward her own bedroom.

During the journey to the corridor he managed to exchange one last look with Wilhelmina; she could immediately read his look, and nodded in assent: right now, Amanda was the one who needed him more.

xXx

The scanty light given by the poor, solitary bulb from its suspended position in the middle of the kitchen's ceiling didn't keep Matt from being very wrapped up in his work.

The totality of the room was bare like its ceiling; there was nothing more than the table on which he was working, his chair, a fridge and a stove. Lee, his _boss _and main coordinator of all the missions in Africa, had tried several times to convince him to book a hotel room for the time he would be in the States, but he'd preferred to return to his old apartment. Sure, it had been empty for a very long time, and nothing had was left inside.

Furniture surely wasn't what he missed, since he was used to having not more than what he currently did, sometimes even less. He wasn't been the usual rich boy; he had never really been attached too much to _things_.

It was something else he'd missed these past years; it was someone to love.

He raised his eyes for a moment to the walls: once they had been painted yellow, but the color was somewhat ruined and faded by the years passed by. He remembered when he had painted them; it was when he asked Betty to move in with him. Right after, she had cheated on him with that Henry.

Sometimes he felt nostalgic for her, for what they were. But it was never more than a passing feeling, he was over her now. Life had set them apart, and probably it was better so: he was satisfied of who he had become. He helped people, he was useful to others; he was no longer wasting his life in pointless projects, he had finally found the right one.

But this didn't change the fact he was alone.

His family, he did better not thinking about them. At first, his mother had told him to do whatever he wanted; she was sure he would be back soon. Then she had realized he was sure about it, and formally let him know not to disturb her presence at the house ever again.

His father, on the other hand, had at least tried to maintain a certain relationship, but Matt had chosen to take distance from him also. His attitude, his way to approach life, that he had ignored for all his life suddenly started to annoy him, to disturb him. There was always a certain part of self-interest in every action of his, always some plan behind it.

He didn't need them. But then where could he look to find a friend at least?

Destiny seemed to have answered to the question for him. It had been the day when he had run into Amanda in Central Park.

He knew she had somehow felt something for him once. He was perfectly sure of it, and briefly he had believed he could move on from Betty with her. She really was a pretty girl and a force of nature ready to shake his life up.

But that wasn't the right time, he was still in love with Betty after all and he had just ended up losing both.

So, was this the _right _time? Time for what, exactly? A friendship? Sure, he felt the urge to gain a good friend. He knew he could be friends again with Amanda; on the contrary, he wasn't that sure.

There was something that stopped her, something he wasn't able to recognize exactly. He would have expected a more enthusiastic reaction, but all he'd got was a lukewarm welcome and a hesitant answer to his proposal of a coffee together. Was that connected with the father of her daughter? Had this man hurt her so much to make her so diffident to people, or maybe just to men? It was so absurd, Amanda had turned into a suspicious woman.

If he acknowledged the truth, to gain a friendship with her would be a real challenge. Thinking of something more, a total game of chance.

However, he would try.

He finally returned his attention to the work he was dedicating his time to. A small canvas, already partially painted in oil colors. Painting was another thing that hadn't left him, as he kept on picturing everything that attracted his attention.

Under the touch of his brush, a smile stood out on the canvas; the smile of a baby girl, with big, shy green eyes. The smile of Leah, his niece, even though he still didn't know it.

xXx

The next morning, Amanda woke up and couldn't help but smile widely at the sight of Marc asleep in her bed. His arms were still wrapped around her; her head rested on his chest.

With a sideways look, she peeked to Leah's cradle, noting she was still serenely sleeping too.

In that very moment, probably for the first time in these last few months, she felt _fine_.

Of course she had her clear days during the whole time, but they hadn't ever had that sense of fullness she perceived now. She knew it would only last for a short time; however she felt right to enjoy it in its entirety.

It was so good feeling protected for once, and not the one in duty to protect. She was so used to struggling with her demons alone at night that the simple contact with another person made her more than happy; she felt like just staying there with him, he was ready to help her to carry the burden.

She found herself thinking back to when they lived together, and she slipped into his bed after a bad dream. For a while she tried to pretend that they were back in those days, and he was there just to comfort her after a nightmare.

"Good morning."

Marc had woken up, and was looking at her. "Had a good night?" He whispered then.

Amanda raised her head, and nodded.

He moved a hand and gently rested it on her forehead. He grinned. "You're feverish."

She grumbled. "Oh, _that_. Don't worry, it's nothing."

"Do you think?" He asked. "Because I think you are gonna stay in bed to rest the whole day."

Amanda hit him on the chest. "No!" She protested. "I'm not going to waste our day in here. C'mon, you've been abroad for _one year_. We haven't even had time yet to have a proper gossip session!"

"Look, I'm sorry if last night I fell asleep so quick-"

"It was not _quick_." She interrupted him. "You practically fell unconscious as soon as you touched the bed."

"My fault." He admitted. "But you know, jet lag doesn't forgive."

Amanda expression immediately changed, as she returned to rest on him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She squeezed up to him. "Nothing. You're right, jet lag doesn't forgive."

It took a few seconds to Marc to get what had just happened. When he finally understood, he said. "Are you thinking of whom I think you're thinking?"

"He fell asleep like you, with jet lag." She confirmed.

A word had been enough. A single word and she had ended up thinking of her first night with Tyler. It was the strangest night ever; actually, she believed she started falling in love with him because of that, because she had spent her first night with him looking at him asleep with a pink t-shirt of hers on.

He realized she was feeling uncomfortable. Brushing her hair lightly, he asked her to look back at him. "You don't have to feel guilty because you miss him."

She didn't obey the request, and answered still not looking at him. "Do you think? Because people tell me the opposite all the time."

"They're wrong. Wilhelmina is wrong." He added, knowing for sure she had to be the one who kept telling Amanda that kind of thing.

She finally returned her eyes to him. Was he serious? Had she heard right? She couldn't believe she had actually heard those words. Oh, why she was surprised? This wasn't Wilhelmina or Daniel, or even Claire, she was talking to now. He was Marc, her best friend forever; he would be always by her side.

"Look, I still think he's a bastard, and deserves to die and all," He explained. "But I know how much you loved… you love him."

Amanda moved her head closer to his, and gently kissed him on the cheek. Yes, despite him having just called Tyler _a bastard who deserved to die_; he had said the words she begged everyone to say.

"Thank you." She whispered softly.

"For what?" He answered. "I'm just saying the truth. Not to mention…" His expression changed into one she would soon learn to know, _the guilty one_.

"Not to mention what?" She interrupted.

"I am not the right one to judge you about this. Not after I've been away all this time. I-"

"Shut up!" Amanda found herself exclaiming. "How many times do I have to repeat it to you? _You did right_. You stayed where you should have been. And…" She stopped, and returned to rest her head. "And what really matters is that you're here, _now_. You're here, now." She repeated.

Then, he suddenly changed the subject. "How long have you been feverish?" He asked.

Amanda shook her head, chuckling, and wriggled out his embrace to stand on her knees, the sheets still around her body.

"Uhm, yesterday…" She admitted. "Whatever, I told you, we have a full day waiting for us. And…" She pressed against the sheets. "I kinda have an, uhm, appointment…"

Marc lifted up his torso, and sat in front of her. "Wait. We've just discussed how you're still so in love with Tyler and now you tell me you've got a date, _today_?"

"What!" Amanda exclaimed. Definitely, he had hit a nerve. "It's not a _date._ Not a little bit, you idiot!"

"You definitely hesitated too much, when you announced… yes, your _appointment_. Since when do you use the word 'appointment', by the way?" Marc answered back.

"Since forever. Appointment here, appointment there… you know."

Marc grinned. "Yes, sure. Who is he?" He abruptly asked.

It was unbelievable; seriously, a second before they were discussing Tyler and now it was about a _date_. And with who?

She found herself looking away from him, again.

"Matt."

The _OMG _shocked face popped out Marc's face. "Tell me tell me tell me" He rattled away. "It's not the Matt I think."

He managed to see through her stare. It was exactly _that_ Matt.

"How? When? Where?" He questioned.

"We met by chance. He's back from Africa, and simply asked me to grab a coffee with him. Not a big deal."

She had spoken too fast in order trying to sound convincing to anyone, and definitely to Marc.

He grabbed her hands, and squeezed them gently. "What's going on, exactly?" He asked.

"Everyone tells me all the time that I have to go on, that I have to forget him. I didn't… I mean I still don't want to but…"

"But what?" Marc insisted.

A sound came from Leah's cradle: she had just woken up.

Amanda turned to her, and smiled. "I'm coming honey." She said sweetly.

Then she turned back to Marc, and finally answered. "You see. I don't have to account for me only now."

"I see, but… Are you ready for this? I honestly don't think so."

"Do you think… oh I told you, it's not a big deal." She tried once again.

"Are you ready for this?" He repeated.

Amanda stared at him a while, unable to find any further words to attempt debating with him. Eventually, however, she shook her head.

"I knew it." Marc whispered, and pulled her closer to him, placing a kiss on her check. "Now, I'm gonna go get you're breakfast." He announced.

With a quick move, he detached from her, and jumped off the bed. She attempted to smile at him, and gestured toward Leah. "Didn't you forget something?" She said.

Marc grinned, and went to the baby, grabbing her.

The baby girl, despite this being the first time she actually met Marc, welcomed him well, and he had the impression she actually smiled at him.

Returning to Amanda, he said. "I think she likes me."

"Of course she likes you."

"I know, I'm fabulous." Marc joked.

Without another word, he left Leah in Amanda's arms, and took his robe to wear it.

As he left, she looked at him and repeated softly. "Yes, you're fabulous."

xXx

On his way from Amanda's room to the kitchen, Marc passed next to the big mirror in the corridor, and couldn't help but wonder if the fact he was walking through Willie's apartment in his pyjamas and robe was a death wish. He decided _it _was, and started praying not to meet Wilhelmina before he put on decent clothing.

He turned pale as he reached the kitchen; Wilhelmina was already in there, slowly sipping her morning coffee at the table.

"Good morning, Marc"

He gulped, as she talked behind her cup. Was that a smile or a grimace?

"Good morning, Willie." He politely said back to her.

"So, don't you want a little coffee too?" She asked then, pointing to the coffee pot next to her.

Slowly, _extremely _slowly, Marc sat in front of her, and reached for the coffee and a cup nearby.

He poured the coffee in the cup, but almost spilled it all around when she spoke again. "Nice robe, by the way." She noticed, looking at the sparkling pink Marc was wearing.

"Uhm… thank you, I guess." Marc gulped, _again_. He had probably never felt so embarrassed in her presence, and he had done all sorts of things with her.

"I'm sorry." He muttered. "But you know, I didn't imagine I would be spending the night here."

Wilhelmina smiled. "Oh, please, it's not a big deal. Not to mention you're speaking to someone who has gained a certain experience in unimaginable experiences."

Marc shyly took a sip of coffee. "What do you mean?"

"Oh please Marc, we could write a book on them. But if you want me to stick to the last few months only, can I remind you I currently live with our former receptionist?"

"_That _isn't unimaginable; it is way more than that. I think somewhere there's some scientist wanting to study it." Marc joked, finally relaxing his facial muscles.

Wilhelmina raised her cup slightly. "You're right, I must admit it." She said, smirking.

Her comment appeared to Marc like a green light to relaxing; after all, they had shared so much he could afford to adopt informal behavior.

"Uhm, I know technically I should return to work at Mode U.S. today, but-"

"Amanda's still feverish, isn't she?" Wilhelmina interrupted him. "Because if she is the reason why you're already asking me for a free day, I'll tell you it's ok, but with a condition."

Marc furrowed his eyebrows, curious. "What condition?"

"Please tie her to the bed, or you'll lose her before noon."

Marc chuckled, and before Willie could order him to stop, he assumed a partially teasing, partially sweet tone. "Awww Willie, look how you take care of her!"

Wilhelmina grumbled. "It's not that, I just don't want her to disobey me once again and put her health at risk. Did she tell you she fainted in the halls of Meade yesterday?"

Her voice tried to be angry, but Marc kept on smiling. "Nope, but I can picture it."

"Oh, yes, of course you can picture it! She-"

"She can behave like a child, doing everything that is the contrary of what she's supposed to do." It was his time to make her aware of _obvious _facts. "C'mon Willie, I knew her before you. I _lived _with her before you."

"Yes, but what I mean is-"

"Willie." He interrupted her once again. "I'm not going to discuss Amanda now."

He was serious now. He surely cared about Amanda, a lot; but he cared as much about Willie. He had let Amanda take advantage of him first, because he knew she was more vulnerable and needy than Wilhelmina. However it was now her turn; mostly because, although she tried everything to hide it, she was needy as well. For example, there was still a certain dream to better discuss…

Wilhelmina was about to argue, but Marc prevented her. "So, how are you?"

She sighed. "You're not gonna desist, are you?" She asked without any doubt.

"You can bet on it." He answered. "So? Have you had any other… _dreams_?"

She abruptly put the cup back on the table, threw away the newspaper she was reading, and stood, as her hands quickly reached the collar of Marc's pajamas.

Violently pulling him up, she hissed. "Have you gone mad?"

"What…" Marc babbled. "What did I say wrong?"

Still hissing, Wilhelmina answered him. "What's wrong? Tell me, do you want to spill everything to everyone, huh? Or… Oh my God." Suddenly, she left Marc, and her eyes turned desperate. "Have you told Amanda about that?"

Marc shook his head, trembling. "N-no, I haven't, I swear!"

She sat back down. "You'd better not have, or you can be sure you won't see tomorrow's dawn."

He took a very deep breath, trying to push away the pure terror she had been able to inject in his body. "However," He considered her words. "Why would be that a problem?"

"Why?" She exclaimed. "I thought you knew perfectly well why."

Marc once again said no with his head.

"Oh please." She grumbled. "You said it, that you knew her before me."

"All I know, is what you said, that she tried to sabotage that photoshoot. But most of all I know that right about a minute ago I asked you how are _you_."

"You have to kno-"

"Pe-pe-pe-pe!" Marc made a scathing sound, hushing her. "Wilhelmina, not Amanda. Wilhelmina."

"Did you just hush me?" She said, raising one eyebrow.

"Uhm, no."

They stared at each other. Marc was mentally trying to find good place to hide once this conversation ended; Wilhelmina was busy searching for the right words to open up to Marc without risking Amanda overhearing.

"We made out." She mouthed; only he lips moving, not a single sound had actually come out her mouth.

Marc gazed at her, confused. "What?"

She moved a little closer, bending a little on the table. "We – made - out." She admitted in some sort of syllabifying with the lowest voice she could.

However, this time it was enough, and Marc perfectly understood her words. His mouth opened once again in the OMG shocked mode, maybe even more than how it did with Amanda, because this was so damned huge. "Oh my! Seriously?"

"Oh please, don't play the chatty teenager with me." She sarcastically scolded him.

"How did it happen?" He asked back.

"I might… I might…" She abruptly lowered her voice again. "I might have kissed him."

"Oh, seems that dream inspired you a lot…" He commented.

She retrieved her newspaper and threw it against him. "Shut up!"

He giggled, and continued. "How was it? Are you planning _act two_?"

"Lower you damn voice!"

"Uhm, sorry. So," He lowered his voice, still unable to stop giggling. "What about act two?"

"I don't think it'll ever be."

Marc stopped his hilarity. "Did I hear wrong?"

"No, you heard perfectly well. We got interrupted and-"

"Let me guess, it was Amanda's fault." Marc explained for her.

"Yes, it was her fault. What I am trying to say," She looked straight in his face. "It's that maybe we got interrupted because… because it was the right thing. I thought all night about this!" She added, noticing Marc's doubtful expression.

"Oh please," Marc chose to tell her his honest opinion, despite the ocean no longer being a barrier to _physically _protect him. "If it's true what you always told me, that you're completely over Connor and all, I really don't see why you shouldn't … well, _have fun_ with Da- _him_."

Wilhelmina sighed, and with a slight nod pointed to the corridor.

"So?"

"_So_?" Wilhelmina repeated. "So? You know _her_ opinion."

"Yes, I do."

"I thought you supported her." She said.

"You're right." Marc nodded. "But that's exactly why I am asking you not to hang back."

Wilhelmina honestly didn't expect his answer. So, even Marc was of the same mind. She hoped she would have help from him, his words gave her more optimism that she had expected. What now, however? Did it mean she could feel _allowed _to proceed? Even if it was Daniel, even... no, she couldn't think of _evens_ anymore.

Marc read the kinds of thoughts which were travelling in her mind.

"Since when are you so reluctant in getting what you want?" He asked.

"What?"

"Don't be afraid. You're really not the type."

Wilhelmina lightly smiled. "No, I am not."

xXx

Wilhelmina had reflected on Marc's words the whole morning, and then the afternoon, often unable to concentrate on any random model or outfit which happened to be in front of her. Still hating when her _private _life disturbed her professional one, she just couldn't help but keep on considering what to do next.

Marc's advice was simple: she shouldn't care of other's opinions; she had to get whatever she needed. She sometimes thought it was funny, this kind of suggestion, because she had always had the impression Marc tried to make her more conscious of the danger of hurting people's feelings, but now he seemed to tell her exactly the opposite.

Or maybe she was wrong. No, surely she was wrong. She couldn't say to know much about Marc and Amanda's relationship, but she knew it was a very strong bond. Most likely, he was aware of the eventual consequences, but wanted to force Amanda to face the reality. Yes, that had to be it.

Her considerations however got interrupted by the exact person that had primarily forced her to have them – she had just peeked Daniel walking around the Mode office.

Instinctively, she jumped off her chair and walked quickly to the door of her office. Careful not to be seen by him, she observed him for a while, trying to work out where he was heading.

Was it time to move? The final move? Daniel gave her the answer; she saw him looking around, searching for something… better, someone. Yes, it was time.

When he was far enough, she slunk out the office, and started following him from a safe distance. He actually turned back to check the area a couple of times, but she always managed to hide before he could see her. He hadn't seen her yet; she had to be sure first that he was actually looking for her.

Somehow, she managed to get away before he reached her office; he still hadn't seen her. Oh yes, Daniel was looking for her.

She observed him in the distance, walking in circles, asking every staff member about her. She was teasing him, making him beg for her. A certain urge to chuckle got her; she felt so fine right now, being the one in power again. She would have to thank Marc later for having helped her achieve this.

She saw him panting, frustrated: he was giving in. As he moved again, she moved right behind, following him… even when she realized he was leading her to the cafeteria.

Once he was there, she ran closer to him, and after a little reconnaissance look around, she let him recognize her. _Knocking on his shoulder_.

Daniel almost jumped on his spot, and his heart started beating violently.

"What the hel- Willie?"

"Hello, Daniel." She greeted him, with one of the more quiet voices of hers.

"Oh, hey… I was looking for you, actually."

Wilhelmina grinned, full of satisfaction. The roles were finally inverted, all seemed back on the right track; _he _was babbling.

"Oh, really?" She lied. "So, this is your excuse today for not being where you're supposed to be?"

Daniel attempted a smile. "Well, I didn't imagine to find you here either."

"You didn't expect to find me in _my_ magazine's office?"

He took a couple of steps in her direction. He was coming closer, _too_ close, she thought. Not that she wouldn't like it, but for God's sake! He was babbling just a second ago.

"I meant here, in the cafeteria." He whispered to her.

Daniel knew was on a really dangerous edge. He knew he didn't have a total clearness of mind these days, overwhelmed by sensations he couldn't classify in any way, but that he still liked. And now he was there, in the middle of the Mode crowd, with her; and all he could think was to continue from where they stopped the day before. He even forgot to ask if she had found anything else on Amanda's point of view of the goddamned elevator.

"I was hungry." She said. Her look was more than malicious, and he immediately got it.

She smirked. "Now… sit!"

Before he could say anything back, she had pushed him to the closer chair, making him sit. As he fell (and thanked God for the almost deserted area), she sat in front of him.

"Did you just say you were hungry?" He asked.

"Like I'd actually eat food."

"Oh." Daniel started with an ironic tone. "So, it wasn't real ice-cream that night."

"Touché!" She said, and then a light laugh came.

He literally adored that sound. Attracted by it, Daniel rested his elbows on the table, to close some space in between. "You know, I think we still have a little outstanding _issue_ to resolve as soon as possible…"

She didn't move from her position. "Oh dear God Daniel, you can't think always like _that_!" She teased him.

"Like you don't."

"Oh, yes." She admitted. "But I can see when it's time for a salutary chat."

He lifted up from his spot on the table. "Chat. You want to chat… with me?"

She tried to sound as serious as she could. "Yes Daniel, chat. I know it could seem a difficult thing to you, since you're so used to _jumping_ on people everywhere…"

"Hey, it happened _once_! Will-"

"Actually," she interrupted him. "It happened _twice. _Or yesterday was it some other illegitimate brother of yours?"

"Actually, yesterday," He debated. "_You_ jumped on me. _Literally_."

"Oh, whatever."

He finally returned to a normal sitting position, maybe too much relaxed but whatever… He consented to _chat_; after all, he never used to _chat_ enough with her, and every time he found himself curious about it.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" He asked.

"Mmm." She pretended to think, raising her eyes and moving her lips. "Let me think… oh, Marc is back."

Great, they were chatting. _About Marc_.

"Oh, really?" He asked, faking interest.

She nodded. "Yeah, he just appeared last night at my apartment, announcing how he managed to get a reduction in his time at _Mode France_."

"Is he going to come back to his role as fashion editor here?" He asked. He could win a competition for his false interest. Betty was wrong; if he wanted he could pretend _perfectly_.

"Maybe. Or I could give him a promotion, I don't know yet. He did a great job there; he deserved to be recognized. God, you should have seen how Amanda assaulted him." Even she noticed it, but she actually smiled, _widely_ smiled when talking of his return. "She practically kidnapped him from me, dragging the poor boy in her room."

"So she's going to leave your townhouse?"

Wilhelmina froze; not clamorously, but at least for some moments stayed motionless. What he had just said? Why hadn't she considered it before?

She had been so happy to have Marc back; so happy for having her self-control back with Daniel that she had totally forgot the reality that Marc back in town also meant another little, fundamental detail: Amanda would leave her house to live with him.

That wasn't so strange; what _was_ strange was that she had accepted to live with her all those months. It had been some sort of coincidence that Amanda had ended up in her apartment, she knew it. Marc was always the one to have the task of supporting the girl in her difficult moments, and this burden had passed to her simply because she was the closest and only available one.

She raised her stare back to Daniel; he was satisfied by the turn of events. It meant her apartment would be free soon, it meant they could have a place where to meet without any interruptions. He looked so satisfied that she thought he probably never even considered how strange it was that he was looking for a place where _meet with her_.

"Wilhelmina, what's wrong?"

She gulped; she almost hadn't heard him.

"Uhm, nothing… I'm sorry, I have to go." She said, and sprang to her feet.

"What? Why?"

She pointed to the distance. "Your mother is coming. It'd be better for her not to catch us together too often."

He turned, and saw Claire; but as Wilhelmina went away, he was pretty sure his mother wasn't the reason why she was leaving.

xXx

Amanda returned to her room slowly, barely managing to hold her own baby. It had all happened so fast, so unexpected… no, it wasn't unexpected; everyone knew it was coming.

Earlier that day she had gone out with Marc, she simply felt so good. Fever seemed to have left her, and she had managed to persuade Lily that Wilhelmina wouldn't go mad if she looked after Leah for a while.

They had wandered over what she thought must have been the whole Manhattan Island; looking at the shop windows, looking at other people outfits, judging all of them. They had spoken of so many things she could barely remember some; he had told her how great his work in France was, how much more he could do now for Mode U.S. For example, one of the few details she managed to remember; he had spent something like an hour self-praising for having managed to fix three different articles in the upcoming issue, retrieved two rare pieces of fashion memorabilia for the cover, and arranged a secret meeting between Daniel and some important advisers at the Four Seasons. All this had been before noon, by phone, whispering in order not to wake up her.

She had tried to point things out like 'you haven't started to work here again yet' or ask 'why did you help Daniel', but he had always found some answer, things like he liked to take advantage and to avoid Daniel would only throw the company into chaos just a week after his return.

Eventually however, she had managed to send him to his apartment, with the promise to take a taxi in order to return to Willie's apartment and to later ask Lily to bring him his luggage.

But entering the place she had considered her _home_ in the last months, she had the first surprise: Lily wasn't there anymore, and in her place, _looking after Leah_, she had found Wilhelmina.

She had said her goodbye.

It was obvious; Marc's return meant a single, specific fact: Amanda had now a place to stay. They had discussed many times about what would be; about how she would go with Leah to once again live in what had been Betty's apartment but now hers and Marc's. And where she had returned when Betty had left for London and she had moved in together with Tyler,across the hall.

That was the plan; because he was simply the best person to take care of her and her baby, because she didn't belong in this classy apartment on 5th Avenue, because Wilhelmina couldn't live too long with her messy _roommates_.

As Wilhelmina had spoken, she had done what was expected of her: said thanks to Wilhelmina, said goodbye as well. But everything had been mechanic, her mouth had moved, she had barely realized it.

She approached Leah's cradle, and put her in there. While she did this, she clearly heard the main door violently close: she guessed Wilhelmina had gone out.

She looked at Leah, but her mind returned to Wilhelmina herself: in her strange and unexpected departure, she had appeared more _vulnerable _than usual. Amanda couldn't help but smile a little considering that probably Wilhelmina was just aware she would miss them.

So, was that the point? Was she feeling so sorry because she would miss her as well?

Tired, she walked to her bed, and sat. The room was beginning to be too cold for her; shivers were once again taking control of her body. Maybe walking all those hours outside hadn't been the best choice…

Her fever was definitely returning; that stupid cold that was tormenting her since the day before threatened reign again. As she flopped down on the bed, she was thankful that this time at least the dripping nose and cough had been saved from her. Probably the best move she could do now was just let the fever do what it wanted, closing her eyes she tried to have a nice sleep.

In the exact moment she relaxed, her phone vibrated: a text had been received. Grumbling, she stretched out her hand to get it the phone, which she had launched on the bed as well when she came in the room.

_From: Matt  
I know you live at Whilemina's now. Has she shut you up in there? LOL! Anyway… Come to your window!_

For a moment, she considered standing and doing what he asked. Maybe she could call him, explain why she didn't show for that coffee, or invite him up, why not? Just to chat with a _friend_, as Lily had suggested.

She might do all that; but she didn't.

Closing her eyes again, she begged sleep to take her back, in the umpteenth attempt to hide.

xXx

Wilhelmina walked with caution into the corridor. It was like every step she took had to be considered first, and every single breath too.

She had said goodbye to Amanda, and to Leah. They were moving out, and this was only the first stage in getting her life back. Another had been to thank Marc, who had helped her to understand she couldn't let any kind of weakness affect her, and do whatever was needed to take what she wanted to.

And she knew exactly what she wanted; to take back control, of her life, of her house, _of her feelings_.

Right now, she needed something to restart from; a definite closure with her recent past, in every aspect. The choice she was about to make was perfect, because it let her keep the distance from both the thief and the petulant roommate.

She lifted her stare to the door in front of her: on it, written in elegant golden letters, the number of the room she was looking for; room 412.

She was sure of what she was about to do, but still had to take a deep breath before actually knocking on the door.

The room's guest immediately opened the door to her.

As soon as Daniel appeared, before he could say or do anything, even demonstrate his surprise, she spoke.

"Can I come in?"


	15. A thousand pieces around you

**XV. A thousand pieces around you**

Daniel stared at her some moments; barefoot, with his shirt partially unbuttoned and his hair ruffled, he stood there and felt like an idiot. He definitely wasn't expecting guests tonight. Though, he considered, it wasn't important to worry too much about his appearance right now, and that he'd better try to find something to say back, anything. Soon. He knew why he couldn't think of the words; it was because he didn't know exactly how to feel in these circumstances, or maybe because he didn't want to ruin the moment, he couldn't say it for sure.

It took a while before he did what she was expecting him to do: he vigorously grabbed her, and brought his lips to her. She welcomed his touch more than happily, immediately kissing back, letting his hands pull her closer.

As their mouths battled, she moved to make him take some steps back; he stretched to get the door and abruptly closed it behind them. Only then did she finally detach her lips from his, and speak.

"So, I guess you're fine with it." She joked.

In response, Daniel gave her another, brief kiss, and _then_ answered. "Seriously Willie? You still want to _talk_?"

She smirked; he was right. "No." She simply whispered to him – and passed to the action.

Suddenly, at least for him, she pushed him back. He found himself sat on the bed, staring motionless at her, while she reached him and finished unbuttoning his shirt. He tried to enter the game, raising his arms to place them on her hips, but she immediately pushed them back on the bed. He lifted up his eyes to meet hers: she wanted him to watch, first.

She returned to his shirt, and helped him to take it off. During the whole process, he obeyed, and kept looking at her. Why was she playing for time? She had made the first move; she had wanted them to start this. So why now she didn't move directly to her goal?

He couldn't know, but the truth was she burned as well; she just didn't want to give in first. Her main intention was to hold control of the situation, of him. She _needed _it. She was there for that above all else; because she wanted to forget how, when she had let others to take control, she had obtained nothing but pain. Now she was free and independent, and supposed she could just enjoy the company and experiences Daniel Meade was handing to her – literally.

With these kinds of thoughts in her mind, she proceeded with her own blouse, passing each button even slower than with his. When it was completely opened, she came closer to him, and her hands lazily went down to her skirt. Daniel smirked, observing it reaching the floor quite quickly. Her stilettos, he didn't see them at all: in a flash, his hands found her body, holding her to him, as she had finally nodded in assent.

Still standing in front of him, she let his mouth assault her breast, eagerly. He could hardly believe it was actually happening; that eventually they were managing to… well, whatever was going on. Sure, it had almost happened in the elevator, but the following events had caused him to stop reflecting on it, or reflecting _at all_. It had to be related to the taste of her skin he could feel now under his mouth, and how it seemed to intoxicate him. Whatever was going on, he suddenly understood it was likely to leave its mark.

His lips soon travelled to one of her nipples, and he started gently sucking it. This gained him her first moan, which she took care to not make too loud; she surely didn't want him to know how badly she longed for him to resolve quickly with her bra's fastening.

In the exact moment she had thought it, she felt the garment slide from her. She clasped him to her and joined him on the bed, gripping the man with her legs. They stayed so for a while, with he still tormenting her breast and she allowing his torture to continue.

He was still lost in her when she caught his head by his hair and forced him to leave her breast to kiss her again. She detached his hands from her body, and pushed Daniel once again on the bed, so that he lay down. She reached him and stretched over the length of his body, returning to the kiss.

Daniel's enjoyment of her new positioning was short-lived; she soon left his mouth and slid down his chest, teasing him with unexpected little bites. When she arrived at his waist, she lifted up and grasped his belt; violently undoing it. He smiled: he guessed she was finally over the need to go slow.

Trying to collect as much self-control he could, he observed her work, which included his pants falling to lie forgotten on the bed. He didn't allow her to return to her place, and lifted himself up to join her in a sitting position. Once there he held her closer, while returning his lips to kiss her.

Again, he found himself tempted to try to think on what they were doing; again, he didn't manage to complete the thought. Would he have to struggle with consequences later? Certainly. Would he regret it? Totally. Would he resist any longer? Not a chance.

Willie wondered if Daniel intended to take some sort of revenge against her, as he tried again to slacken the pace she had just increased. She couldn't explain, otherwise, how he could simply remain kissing and caressing her instead of giving her what she wanted; she felt him under the fabric of his boxers, and she knew he was ready to do just that.

For her joy, he proved her wrong: his hands moved to her thong, with the intention to get rid of it. But she blocked him, and placed the hands back on her hips: just because he had decided to go on, it didn't mean he would be the leader. She grabbed the waist of his boxers, and shifted it to reach his member. With a satisfied groan he accepted her leadership, somehow glad of it, and returned to lay down the bed, with her kneeling over him.

It took less than he expected under her ministrations, and he soon felt his length sliding into her. She closed her eyes, throwing her head back; he suspected she was somehow afraid to meet his gaze now he was finally in her. Trying to increase the contact between them, he started to gently caress her arms first, then her back; he was tempted to ask her to look at him, but he couldn't.

She tried to maintain a relatively slow pace in her movements, trying to make the sensation of him under her last as long as possible. She kept her eyes closed for the simple reason she feared she would wake up and find out it was just another dream, and a little scared by the fact she had reached this level with Daniel – with any man since Connor.

But as the pace quickened, Daniel didn't stop silently begging her to look at him. His attempts, however, didn't succeed, and he was about to give up and speak, when she suddenly opened her eyes wide.

Their stares immediately met, and he smiled. Without even considering it, she smiled back. Maybe it isn't a dream, she thought, becoming sure of that when she started to realize how strong the feeling in her lower abdomen was and feeling it progress through her whole body.

Too soon, they both felt their climax getting closer. She gripped her hands on his arms, so hard he could actually feel her nails in his flesh. His moan for the relative pain was drowned out by her cry when she finally came. The sound was all he needed to follow her, he stilled against her as she slowed and eventually she stopped moving.

Slowly, she slipped from his hold and moved to lie next to him. The two stayed motionless for a while, both breathing hard in the attempt to recover, both unsure of whether to speak or what to say.

He was the first to find something.

"Well, now." He began, still panting. "If you want, we can talk now."

Her only answer was a laugh.

xXx

A few hours later, in a bedroom where the nightly activities had been deeply different, Marc was sitting in the armchair in front of Amanda's bed, moving his eyes regularly between her, her child, and the magazine on his knees which he would have used as an excuse in case of an early awakening.

If she woke he would add the fact that the continent change had spoiled his sleep pattern; he just didn't want to explain to her how he had spent the most part of the night watching over her, to be sure she was having a peaceful sleep.

He was returning his eyes back to her, when he saw her unexpectedly moving. Muttering something, she searched for him on the spot next to her; not finding anyone, she finally opened her eyes and scanned the room, until their eyes met.

"_Again_?" she quietly said.

"What?" He answered, despite being totally caught in the act.

"You're looking at me sleeping. I thought I already told you how creepy it is."

Marc chuckled. "I know, I know. But sorry, I can't help it."

He closed the magazine, and put it away, while standing to reach her on the bed. Sat now next to her, he immediately rested his hand on her forehead.

"Seems you're not feverish anymore." He observed, pleased.

Yawning, she nodded. "Right. I feel perfectly fine. But wait…" she turned her head to the alarm clock on the night stand. "Dear God, it's five in the morning!"

"Oh... Yeah, right. Don't worry, go back to sleep. I'll warn you though; I'm not calling you very late. What about nine?"

"It's Saturday! It's against the law to leave the bed before noon!" She grumbled at him.

"But Mandy! We have to start packing your things! I already contacted the removal company; they'll be here at eleven."

"Oh, right..."

She was still supposed to move out. But why she didn't find herself happy? In all these months she had been waiting for this moment so desperately; every single time things became too difficult, every single time she had a fight with Wilhelmina, she said to herself that soon Marc would be home, and they would be together, just two of them with Leah. That used to make her feel better, it always did. But yesterday when Wilhelmina had asked her when she would be moving, exactly when she was supposed to feel that relief she was waiting for, she just didn't.

She looked at him; those sweet eyes he always reserved for her when she needed to be cheered up were sparkling with excitement. How could she not to be happy to move in with the most caring person on this earth, with her best friend, with the person who loved her the most?

"Mandy?"

She realized she had stopped listening to him. "Uhm, sorry. It's early, I'm sleepy." She used as excuse.

"I see. Oh, before I forget: Matt was looking for you yesterday."

"Oh... Really?" She lied.

Perfect, Matt was exactly what she needed. _Just another problem_, she thought.

"Yes. I found his calls and texts on your phone and..."

"You went through my phone?" Amanda exclaimed.

"It's me!"

Amanda raised one eyebrow. "However," he reprised. "I called him and I explained that you were feverish."

"And?"

"I may have told him he can find you at the apartment in Chelsea today, later on."

"What!" She exclaimed. Then, realizing she could wake Leah, she abruptly lowered her voice, but kept yelling. "You were the one who persuaded me not to meet him!"

"I know, but he sounded so sweet on the phone... I thought maybe it wasn't a big deal after all. You said it!" He added, when she started shaking her head.

"I know but... Look, I am still a little weak-"

"You said you were ok like two minutes ago." He interrupted her.

"Oh shut up! You want me to be ill all over again?"

Marc sighed. "No. So, what do you suggest?"

"Let's move tomorrow. We can have a lazy morning, and then... I don't know-"

"_Gossip Girl _marathon at my place? I have like a whole season to catch up on."

Amanda nodded. "Deal. Now, come here." She tapped on the bed next to her. "Cuddle me a little."

He obeyed, and lay down back in his spot, welcoming her in an embrace when she moved to rest on his chest. Caressing her shoulder, he closed his eyes, yet sure he wouldn't fall asleep soon: there was still something in the picture he couldn't see.

xXx

When Daniel woke up, that morning, he wasn't sure if he would find Wilhelmina by his side. In the moments between the actual awaking and opening his eyes, he had thought that probably it had just been some sort of dream – because things like those only happens in movies, and with _movies _he meant porn mostly.

He wasn't surprised to find himself alone in the bed.

It _had_ been a dream.

Lazily, he lifted himself up and sat, looking randomly around while giving a huge yawn. He stretched, when his attention was caught by some papers on the armchair. He recognized them as the ones he had prepared for the meeting he was supposed to have that morning; but on the top he could see there were some additional notes, and he was pretty sure, _that_ wasn't his handwriting.

He got up from the bed and grabbed the_ mysterious _sheet to better examine it. He tried to read it, but he soon realized it was too early in the morning to actually understand the mass of numbers and percentages.

"So, what do you think of that?"

_Now _he gulped. He raised his eyes and saw _her_, smirking at him.

"What-" he began saying, but immediately stopped. He was about to say _what the hell are you doing here, _when the mere and simple truth slapped him in the face. It hadn't been a dream. _At all_, judging by the satisfied grin on Wilhelmina's face.

"I didn't want to upset you." She justified, fastening her blouse. "I just saw your notes and I couldn't resist expressing my opinion as well."

"You own the half of the company. It's your right."

She raised a laugh. "You know, I'd have paid to hear that a couple of years ago."

Daniel shrugged, pretending a certain confidence. "A couple of years ago I doubt you imagined waking up in a hotel room after having slept with me either, but I am not about the obvious now."

She closed her last button. "Oh, yes, that too." She confirmed. Meanwhile, he was musing that it was a pity she woke up before him, because he had found her already dressed.

She somehow read his mind, and decided it was time to bring him back on this earth. "By the way, it's five past six, which meant you have the meeting in about twenty minutes."

Daniel couldn't repress a grumble. "SO soon?"

"God, you're such a child."

"Really?"

Suddenly, all his self-confidence seemed to return to him, and he felt comfortable getting closer to her.

"Are you sure," he whispered softly. "That you really want to leave?"

To his disappointment, she didn't move a muscle. Sarcastically, she asked him back. "Do you really want journalists to see me leaving this place and start speculating on _us_?"

"So, there is '_us'_ now?"

Her only answer was to fill the remaining space between them and kiss him. He moved to hold her, but she almost immediately detached.

"Slow down, _Romeo_." She said, and reached the door, carrying a jacket he honestly couldn't even remember her wearing the previous night.

She had already her hand on the handle when she spoke again. "I'm sure you know that last night actually never happened."

He could only nod at her.

xXx

"So, how was the meeting with the Chanel ad guys?"

Daniel opened his eyes. Couch, he immediately recognized he was on one. His mother's in fact; it took a while to actually identify it. He guessed that he probably should have refused all the champagne the advertiser had offered him to celebrate, at _seven in the morning. _

He had barely lifted his torso up when his mother reached him, sitting next to him on the couch.

"Hmm, interesting: you smell like alcohol." She commented keenly. "Are you sure you attended the right kind of _meeting_ this morning?"

Daniel tried to answer his mother, but he didn't obtain much more than a tired grunt. Frustrated, he nodded to the file on the near coffee table.

Claire grabbed it, and immediately turned her attention to its content. Daniel noticed a grin of satisfaction; she had to have seen the signatures under the contract. What surprised him was her next reaction: a grimace he couldn't categorize, although he was able to say it wasn't good. What had she read-

_Fuck, Wilhelmina's notes are still in there._

"Is it me or does that look like Wilhelmina's handwriting?" She asked – completely pretending not to know the answer.

Daniel opted for a vague response. "Uhm, do you think?"

"Yes. Daniel," her eyes left the note, and fixed on the man. Forty-something years and his mother's stare at certain moments still could affect him. Now, it was making him flinch. "That's definitely her handwriting."

And there it was; the 'I want an explanation' look. He was too tired and hungover to try to avoid it.

"Yes, it is. She… made those notes yesterday, at the office." He lied.

"Have you any more… let me read it to you," She turned the sheet, and read out loud "_List of useful numbers in NYC" _at Mode? You know, it reminds me of one of the lists chambermaids leave on the bedside tables, for tourists. This one, reminds me of those from the Four Seasons itself."

_Daniel, you're screwed. _

"She… she wrote it in the hall of… of the Four Season, yes."

Claire's expression was getting more and more skeptical. "Ok, even supposing I ignore the reason why she would have helped you with this-"

"Mum, she owns the half of the c-"

"Yes yes, _that_. Anyway, supposing I ignore that, why on earth she would be in hallway of the Four Seasons?"

_Think fast Daniel, think fast. Oh dear, why all that champagne? And you haven't even slept! _

"She… she just stopped by to meet this… well, _friend _of hers."

"Friend. Right, why didn't I think of that before?"

"Oh stop being sarcastic!" He exclaimed. _Rookie mistake_, he soon understood.

"Daniel, why so sensitive? Are you… hiding me something?"

He gulped, and his mother noticed it. However, he decided to keep on tenaciously lying. "Hiding? Mum, c'mon, what can I ever hide with Wilhelmina?"

At first, it seemed he hadn't persuaded her of the complete innocence of Wilhelmina's participation in the deal. And truthfully he didn't, but Claire's features still softened, and smiling she gently brushed Daniel's cheek.

"You did a good job." She congratulated.

xXx

Entering the lobby of the, what she would soon again be calling her, building in Chelsea, Amanda didn't feel anyway strange at first. The well-known and always neglected plant facing the notice board, of course still full of offences and notes no one read, even the ruined walls and the infamous electronic main door seemed to somehow tell her welcome back, and she felt home.

Slowly – because no one ever really got used to the five floor climb – she and Marc made their way to his apartment up the stairs, when Amanda spoke.

"I don't know, do you think Leah will be okay?"

Marc sighed, even with a smile. "She's with Lily. You _always_ leave her with Lily."

"But it's always been at Mode, or at Willie's – what if she can't find her feet in there?" Amanda asked worried.

Marc stopped walking, and turned to his friend. "Seriously Mandy? You spent the last _three hours_ helping Leah settle down in Lily's apartment."

Amanda shrugged. "Well, it may not be enough. I mean, she still has trouble sleeping if Wilhelmina isn't around!"

"That's not true." Marc pointed out. "Since, she _eventually_ managed to sleep last night, and Wilhelmina was in the other room."

"That's your fault. I told you we should have asked Willie to help. Marc," she reassured him, who had lifted his eyebrows skeptically, "I have already told you: shedoesn't eat children… _anymore_."

Actually, Marc did know that. Well, at least he believed it. But surely, the previous night, he couldn't say to Amanda that Wilhelmina wasn't actually home because she was busy _having fun_ with dear Daniel Meade... He knew this led him to have his conscience dirty, but he couldn't do much to avoid it, even though he hated so much being in the middle.

"Yeah… right." He just answered.

They continued walking, this time wordlessly. They had almost reached their floor, when Marc suddenly blocked.

"Oh, crap!" He exclaimed. "The key!"

"Huh?"

"I don't have the key. It's in the mailbox." Marc explained.

"Are you sure? Because if you really didn't have the key, we couldn't have got in the building-"

"Mandy, it's an electric door." He interrupted her. "We used a code."

"Oh. Right."

Despite the desperate moment, Marc couldn't help but chuckle. She might have grown a brain, and a feeling of responsibility, but deep in there he knew there was still the absent-minded and naïve girl he had learnt to love.

"Why's it in there, anyway?" She asked them.

"Uhm." Marc's smile turned into a malicious one. "Troy left it."

A really loud squeal echoed in the building.

"Oh my God!" Amanda cried out. "Oh my God! You're together again! Tell me tell me." She continued, jumping enthusiastically on the spot. "How! When? I thought you split up."

"We did… _kinda_." Marc leaned against the wall. "When I left, I told him he was free to see whoever he wanted. But yesterday-"

"You're sweet, little former ugly duck visited you and you ended up having a long night of violent and passionate sex?"

"Mandy, I spent the night with you." He observed.

"Afternoon?" She countered back instead.

"Oh please..."

"Afternoon?" She insisted.

"Totally." He finally admitted.

She hopped once again, and grabbed his arm. "Awww, I'm so happy for you."

Marc genuinely smiled back at her. He hadn't told her anything, afraid of how she would have reacted. After all, during his brief visit at the time of Leah's birth, he hadn't had great opportunity to see how she was reacting to all that had happened; and since he had returned, he had only known of her hysterical reaction at the simple _idea _of Willie dating Daniel, so he had feared that speaking with her of men and long-time commitments would have only hurt her. But there she was, squealing and jumping and just sincerely happy for him.

"But wait," She interrupted him. "What's that got to do with your missing key?"

"When I left to go to Willie's, I told him he could stay and then leave the key in the mailbox."

"Oh… I see. Then, why are you still here?"

"Won't you come with me?" He naively asked.

"Hey, I can't get tired. I've just had a baby!"

"Almost _six months _ago."

"Oh, whatever. See you lateeer!" She cut off, waving at him.

He sighed: he had no other choice. "I'm going, I'm going. Wait here." He said, and made his way back down the stairs.

She observed him until he disappeared around the corner; however, her stare stayed on the stairs. They had almost reached their floor when he had noticed he didn't have his key, and this meant that just ahead of her there was his door… and hers.

She hadn't returned to this building since Tyler and Connor had left. Even when she had moved in with Wilhelmina, Lily had been the one to collect her things from her apartment. The assistant had been there only once; then they had pretended that the place just didn't exist, and only mentioned it referring to her return once Marc would be back from France.

The smile on her face was now completely gone. Without even actually realizing it, she started to breathe heavily. It was like, now that Marc had left her alone up there, an invisible force was taking her, an evil and mighty force coming from behind the door she'd used to call hers.

In the matter of a few seconds she found herself looking at it. She hadn't returned here since Tyler left, afraid of entering the place where they were building their future; so why did she suddenly feel the urge to go in?

Slowly, her hand slipped into her purse. Withdrawing it, she had the key of the apartment held tightly in her fist. Why it was still in her purse, after all these months, she couldn't explain either.

She finally approached the door. She stared at it for a while, still unable to decide what to do. Maybe it was better if she simply waited for Marc to return, ignoring the silly notion that had took her. Or maybe… or maybe she could just go forward alone, and take a little peek inside.

She hadn't really decided yet, when she inserted the key, and opened the door.

Her breath, it stopped as soon as she came in. It was like someone had brought her and put her into a photograph taken seven months before.

Everything was like when she had left. Everything was like when _he _had left. Clothes on the couch, magazines on the rug, there were even still dishes from her last dinner in the sink.

She moved forward a little bit, like hypnotized by her own possessions. She saw, on the table, a little white polar bear her father had sent her from Canada for his upcoming granddaughter; on the wall behind was a photograph of herself and Tyler. She remembered when they took it: that time they spent the weekend by the sea, with Connor and Wilhelmina, even if the latter hadn't planned that.

She took a further step, but tripped up on something. Surprised, she lowered her eyes, and risked fainting. At her feet, there was one of the pink rockers of a cradle, _her _cradle. The one that was supposed to become Leah's, the one Tyler was assembling before vanishing.

She bent down, and grabbed it, not paying attention to how her hands were now trembling. And it wasn't a big deal, since soon her whole body started to tremble, when she realized the rest of the cradle and its rockers were all around her.

She straightened up, and looked all around her, turning over and over, still holding the rocker she had previously picked up. It was all so damned perfect; she was so damned happy, _he _was so damned happy. There was no reason to destroy everything, nothing in the whole world. So why had he left? Why? Why had she deserved all this?

Those were the questions she had asked herself the whole time, since then; but now they were echoing all together in her mind, suffocating her, and breathing was becoming more and more difficult, and the room warmer.

Suddenly, all the thoughts that crowded her head turned into a single one. In that moment, anger overcame her.

xXx

Meantime, in her own apartment, Wilhelmina lazily entered her kitchen, immediately heading to the fridge. Sex was indeed a pretty recreative activity, but it had the effect of leaving her tired and worse, leaving her _hungry_.

Opening the freezer, she couldn't avoid shivering a little, perceiving the cool air coming from inside; after all, she wore only a shirt.

She smiled however, when she located the ice cream can. Daniel was giving her a bad habit, she thought: since he was back, it was the second time she reached for ice cream... Or food, to be honest. But, at least in this case, she was justified: if you spend the whole night, and than the following afternoon, in such _recreative _activities, you really need calories.

Greedily, she picked the ice cream and started searching for a spoon. She had finally found it when she heard his voice at her back.

"Save some for me, please." He asked.

Without saying anything, she retrieved another spoon and threw it to him. "Here."

"Thank you." He politely said once he grabbed it.

She didn't add anything, and returned her interest to the icecream, starting spooning and eating. He approached her, and did the same.

"You know," he spoke after a couple of bites. "I didn't believe you would want this to happen again."

"The ice cream or the sex?" She joked.

"Mmm, now that you it pointed out... I think both."

She smirked. "Well, for the icecream... It's your fault. And for the sex-"

"You told me," He interrupted. "That last night _had never happened_."

"I meant you have to keep it to yourself, not that it was the last time. You know, you really are as dumb as they say." She mocked him then.

He dug his spoon in the icecream, and got closer to her. "Oh please, stop it. You like me, don't you?"

"Well," she answered, still pretending to be focused on the ice cream only. "I have to admit our common friend down there has proved to pretty much live up to its reputation."

He grinned. "Thank you." His hands found her hips, and as she left both spoon and icecream on the counter behind her, he reached her neck to kiss it.

While he paid close attention to the skin on her neck, she closed her eyes, glad for the turn her day was had taken. In that very moment, she felt really good; she had finally left her fears behind, and had begun enjoying life. She suspected that out of all the men in the world, she had chosen Daniel to start over with, had little to do with it, but investigating this wasn't in her priorities.

Those were just relaxing, having fun, and chocolate icecream.

She felt his touch exploring her body, as his mounth travelled up to her own, when her phone suddenly rang.

He froze, and muttered. "I thought you had turned it off."

"I forgot. Anyway, it's Marc, he knows you're here, it must be important."

Daniel chuckled. "Your ringtone for him is _Vogue_?"

"He once threatened to go work there, remember?" She explained.

"Oh, I see." Frustrated, he moved away from her, and observed her going to her phone on the couch, and answering the call.

He left Willie to her Marc, and recovered his spoon, resuming eating the chocolate, hoping she would be back to him soon.

He didn't pay attention to the conversation; only to its final part, when he clarly heard her saying 'I'm coming.'

He turned to her, as she closed the call, and asked. "Going where?"

"I'll explain to you later. Now, just disappear from here."

"What happened? At least tell me where you're going!" He insisted, when she headed away.

Wilhelmina, already entering the corridor, shouted over her shoulder. "Chelsea!"

xXx

"Seriously Marc, _five _floors?" Wilhelmina complained to him as she reached the man on the landing.

"I'm sorry-"

"Yes, yes. Where is she?" She immediately asked.

"In there." He answered, and pointed inside Amanda's former apartment.

Wilhelmina moved to it, and she winced at the sight that was presented to her.

It was like a tornado just visited the place; all around, there were pieces of things that something had destroyed, and between those stood out pinky wooden little boards.

Then she finally saw Amanda: she was sat near the couch, totally motionless. She reminded Wilhelmina of an doll abandoned by her master in a corner; the stare, she observed, was the same: blank.

"She did all this." Marc explained. "I don't... I don't know what's happened exactly. I... I had gone to get the key, and when I came back she ... She was out of grace, Willie, I... I've never seen her so..."

She turned back to him, and only then she noticed his eyes were wet. It was clear the events were affecting him badly.

He ignored her look, and continued. "I tried to calm her, but she kept on pushing me away. I thought she would have destroyed the whole apartment, when suddenly she stopped and sat there. Since then, she hasn't move a muscle. I tried to go to her there, but she just ignored me."

Wilhelmina returned her eyes to Amanda. She also took some steps forward her, when she stopped and turned back to Marc. "It's not your fault." She felt the duty to say.

"I know," he answered her. "But that's what hurt me the most."

The two exchanged a last, meaningful look, then she turned again and went to Amanda.

Even when she was right in front of her, the girl kept on ignoring her. For a moment Wilhelmina desired to just slap her, but then she thought that one cannot just slap a doll and opted for another approach.

Gently, she got down on her knees, and finally found Amanda's eyes. Only then, observing her better, did she notice a huge cut on her left forearm. It kept on bleeding, but she didn't seem affected by it at all.

However, Wilhelmina decided it could be a good point to start. "You're bleeding; you should medicate that." She said simply.

Nothing. Not even her eyes moved. The doll kept on staring, ignoring everything else.

But Willie didn't surrender. "Amanda, what happened?"

Like right before, not a single reaction came.

"Amanda, what happened?" She repeated louder. "Amanda! Amanda, look at me!"

Her voice was determined, but she didn't shout. The last thing she wanted was to scare her.

"Amanda, please, at least look at me." From the distance, Marc gulped hearing this. She was using a tone she wouldn't ever thought she could use with Amanda.

Not receiving still any answer, Wilhelmina finally decided to move, and rest her hand on her arm, the good one.

Seeing that, Marc was sure Amanda would have pushed away it like she did his. But she didn't; she moved something however, it was her eyes, which finally met Willie's.

"I'm sorry."

Wilhelmina herself barely heard it. It had been such a weak whisper, almost a prayer.

"Don't worry." Wilhelmina answered her. "Here." She said, doing the most surprising thing ever, at least for Marc.

He saw Wilhelmina embrace Amanda, despite any possible reaction, despite the blood that could ruin her clothes, despite her being _Wilhelmina_.

"Can..." Amanda whispered again. "Can I stay a little longer with you?"

Wilhelmina nodded lightly.

Marc, from his corner, remained watching the scene impotently. Though, he finally saw what he had missed in the picture: he hadn't considerated how strong could be the bond built by pain.

**Author's note: **_So, there we are. I am so sorry for the long time it took to me to write this chapter, but it was a tough one for a series of reasons. Writing smut is surely one of them - forgive me, I am still a novice in the genre - but also the events themselves. This chapter marks a turning point in the development of my story; it hasn't been easy find the right way to do it. I hope you have appreciated my choices, being happy enough to stand a little bad news: I have a couple of finals to take in the next weeks, on which I have to focus completely. This means I won't write for a while - but don't worry, I should be back at work for the middle of February. Please, don't forget me in the waiting :P_


	16. They can't see what I see

**XVI. They can't see what I see**

**Author's note: **I know. I can hear from here you yelling things that include words and expressions such as "months", "FIVE months", "was she dead?" and so on. I could say it had been not my fault, that life is tough and unpredictable, but this is true just partially. But now I hope to be back on the right track, so maybe the next chapter will be ready for the next century. I hope you'll enjoy this, and of course... you know, I'll NEVER stop telling and recommending you, REVIEW and tell me what do you think!****

_Amanda often thought about the fact that, despite people 's common belief, her friendship or whatever one wanted call it with Wilhelmina wasn't perhaps born exactly in a moment of pain; she couldn't say for sure, but she had the feeling something had started to grow in a complete opposite moment, when both were living the happiest moments they ever lived._

_She even could try to name that particular moment; it was more than a year before, during those days in the bay. It was in a windy, sunny Sunday in the cottage's porch, waiting for their men to return from fishing._

_At first, when she saw Wilhelmina approaching her, lazily sat on the top of the few stairs leading to the porch, Amanda had wondered if she was going to kick her off her porch. The fact she had noticed then what looked like a light smile, freaked her out even more._

"_You like it here, don't you?" Wilhelmina unexpectedly asked once close enough._

_Amanda, skeptical, looked at her: was that sarcasm or what? In any case, she didn't answer, and kept on staring silently._

"_Have you lost your tongue?" Willie joked. Oh boy, was she smiling for real?_

_The girl took a deep breath. "Uhm... no. I mean, I didn't lose my tongue, but yes, I really like the place!" She finally answered, quickly, nervously and confused._

"_I am glad."_

_Glad? Could Wilhelmina just be 'glad'?_

_Amanda didn't have the time to reflect more on this, with a sudden move Wilhelmina sat next to her. Was she glad because she was about to eat her up?_

"_I hope those two hurry back; I'm hungry."_

_Amanda opened her eyes wide, and turned to her in surprise. "Hungry? Since when do you get 'hungry'?" She asked with a courage she didn't know she had._

"_Despite the common belief, I do eat sometimes. Food." She added, noticing the girl's frightened stare._

"_Yeah... right. Are you sure it's not a problem if Tyler and I stay here a little longer?" She had to ask this; just in case Wilhelmina was about to kill and bury her because she had dared to occupy a Slater property._

"_I'm fine with it. I mean, free fish today." She confirmed, looking even amused._

_Amanda tried to smile back, and immediately moved her stare from the other woman._

_From the corner of her eye, she saw Wilhelmina quickly looking around her. She felt the fear starting to disappear, and realized that the woman was struggling to find any kind of topic to keep the conversation going._

"_So," Wilhelmina finally said after a while. "When will you give birth?"_

_Amanda gulped, and turned with a burst back to Wilhelmina. "How can you know that!" She exclaimed._

"_Oh please, it's obvious!" She tried to justify. "You keep on caressing your belly, an incredible amount of ice-cream and other foodstuff appeared in my fridge and you just looked horrified by the idea of fresh fish."_

_Amanda raised her eyebrows. "You really noticed all of that?"_

"_Of course I didn't." Wilhelmina admitted. "Connor told me."_

"_And he knows because..."_

"_Tyler told him."_

"_Of course he did." Amanda muttered. "Hey, when did those two become friends?"_

_The other shrugged. "Don't ask me."_

_Amanda shyly smiled. She could feel Wilhelmina's stare still on her, investigating her, studying her. She wondered what she was looking for; why on earth Wilhelmina Slater could be so curious about her._

_Then, for a long time, neither of them spoke. Sometimes, Amanda tried to look at the other, without being noticed. Both looked often in the distance, hoping to see their men returning. The silence remained between them, one too scared, one too proud._

_Eventually, the girl rose to her feet and began better investigating the beach in front of them, craving to finally meet the two male figures. She had taken a few steps forward for a better look, when Wilhelmina spoke again._

"_Aren't you afraid?"_

_Amanda turned back to her. "About what?" She naively asked._

"_I mean about…that, of course" The other explained, pointing to her stomach._

_Amanda smiled – the kind of smile you have when you just can't express all the feelings you're feeling at that moment, and she definitely couldn't find the right words. However, she tried. "I am. I'm terrified. Sometimes I still think I only ate too much Chinese food, and that's because I feel queasy in the morning and my tummy is growing. But," she stopped a while, and cast her stare quickly back on the beach. "But I honestly haven't ever felt so happy and grateful and excited in my whole life."_

_Unexpectedly – or maybe not so, because her interlocutor after all, was still Wilhelmina Slater – she saw the woman shaking her head. "I was sure you were going to say that."_

_On instinct, Amanda's reaction was annoyed. "Then why did you ask me?" She asked sharply. She immediately regretted her abrupt reaction; however, Wilhelmina's response wasn't as she expected._

"_I'm sorry." She simply said. "I just... it doesn't matter."_

_Amanda stared at her silently, unable to further investigate what she meant. She returned to sit next to her, and Willie surprised her once again._

"_It's just you look like your mother, and still you're nothing like her." She observed, and Amanda had never heard her using a voice like that, where you can't tell if it was nostalgia, regret or relief which prevailed._

"_Wait…tell me more… please." Immediately Amanda begged. But the sudden and intense new light which was now shining in her eyes scared Wilhelmina, who refused to give in to her wish._

"_You know what? Just forget it. I just wanted to try a conversation."_

_Amanda couldn't help but lift her eyebrows curiously once again. "Well I know I'm fabulous and of course, EVERYONE wants to have a conversation with me...but, I'd never have thought that would include YOU."_

"_Well it was either distract you with that…." Wilhelmina quietly explained. "Or suggesting you to stop breathing, if you don't want to feel sick in the next five minutes."_

"_Wha-" but Amanda's voice immediately died in her throat. Wilhelmina was looking to the distance rather than her, and she did the same. The sight brightened her; her Tyler coming back to her. Yes, there was Connor too, but he wasn't her concern, nor was that huge thing they were holding which looked like some freshly caught fish._

_The two were too far to listen to their women, Amanda turned to make herself heard. "I won't feel sick by the way. You'll see." She ventured._

_They reached the porch; Tyler, raising up their prey triumphantly, proudly declared. "Look at this! I caught dinner!"_

_But Amanda didn't answer. They saw her running away in a hurry, all she could hear was Wilhelmina's amused laugh._

xXx

She stayed still a long time before even trying to open her eyes. How long had she been here? Not a clue. She knew she was in her bedroom, on her bed. She could feel the lacework on the bedspread, she could even trace the shape with her finger. But if she was in her room, why didn't she feel Leah's presence?

She could always feel her, her slight form, her regular and sweet breath that alone could always bring happiness to her very soul.

The silence scared her. Finally stirred from her stupor, she suddenly opened her eyes wide and tried to roll on her side, but as soon as she moved a stabbing pain stole through her left arm.

Moaning, she looked at it and noticed a tight bandage around her left forearm but honestly she didn't remember how she had gotten the wound. Her memories about the events occurred in the apartment were less than clear; there was only the anger, and the pain; the same pain that now was overwhelming her again, stabbing and violent like the cut in her arm.

She needed her child; she knew Leah was the only thing that could cure her. She sprang up, so quickly that once she stood she felt dizzy and needed to lean on the wall not to fall.

She rested there for a while, then rushed to Leah's cradle and desperately looked inside: it was empty.

"Leah!" She cried. "Leah!"

She was panicked, terrified now. She just couldn't think of anything other than fear for her baby. Where was she? Who had taken her angel from her? Still staggering, she reached the door and violently opened it to fly out in the corridor.

"Leah!" She called again. "Leah, where are you?"

Finally, she crossed the kitchen threshold, and there she found her relief.

She run to her daughter so fast, she grabbed her so quickly she never noticed who was around. She snatched the baby out Claire's arms and didn't even look at her; she didn't realize who was holding Leah for a couple of minutes: then Claire tried to grab her attention.

"She's fine, don't worry." She gently reassured Amanda, so busy in holding and caressing and mothering her girl.

"I... I missed her." Amanda answered, her voice still trembling with her fear. "I missed her." Was all she could say.

"It's ok dear. What about you? How are you feeling today?" Claire asked.

Amanda kept looking to the little girl a little longer; but then, at last, she rose her stare to her mother-in-law: she saw her typically worried, caring look, the same she had seen in the Meade's matriarch the day Tyler left, and that she hated so much.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I hope you haven't been upset too much by what happened...what the hell is going on in here anyway?" She burst out, after a brief look around.

In the kitchen, Claire wasn't the only one waiting for her. She saw Marc, sat in a corner pretending to read some newspaper; Lily, messing around with the coffee machine, but with the same guarded look. There was also Wilhelmina at the table; who immediately left her cup to raise her eyebrows and note "What? I'm just drinking my coffee."

Lily interrupted her ministrations and, after a deep and suffered sigh, she tried to justify their presence. "We were worried for you." She said, pointing her eyes to Wilhelmina as well in a not so subtle move. "You... In the apartment, you-"

"I kicked up a big fuss, I know." Amanda concluded for her, and slightly, sadly smiled.

"Yes, a big... _fuss._" Claire repeated. "But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're … good, now... aren't you?" She asked.

"Yes, sure... a big sleep and all it's fine again. Seriously guys," Amanda gestured all around. "I'm ok now, so... c'mon, it's Sunday, you really don't have anything better to do today?"

It was like she had just confessed to have joined PETA. A heavy silence fell in the room, and she saw the other three exchange meaningful and knowing stares.

The quiet however was almost immediately interrupted by Leah, who suddenly started crying. Still confused by the others suspicious reactions, Amanda turned back to her daughter and sweetly whispered: "Are you hungry? Don't worry, now mummy will give you-"

"She's already ate."

She was interrupted by someone other than Claire. Surprised, she saw Marc still in his corner, staring at her with the heaviest expression.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"She's already ate. See." He simply repeated, and pointed to a sack of dry milk near the fridge.

Amanda immediately broke the contact with him, and looked at Wilhelmina. Again, in a way she still couldn't explain to herself, in that moment she was the only one to trust.

Her boss however did nothing but look back at her. Why didn't she say anything? Why did she feel they were all lying to her? Switching her eyes over everyone, she tried to fathom an answer, she tried to understand.

Finally, a voice came. "You know how bad things got, in your apartment..." Claire spoke. "Well, after Wilhelmina and Marc found you, they brought you here. We called a doctor, because of your hurt arm and your... your state. He suggested he give you _something _to keep you calm, so…"

"So he drugged you. Actually, you spent your Sunday stoned like a Hollywood starlet."

And there they were again. Everyone struggled to hide the truth from her, even the smallest one, everyone but Wilhelmina. Amanda appreciated it. And hated it.

"I... I slept all this time?" By instinct, she held Leah tighter. "You left me being so long away from her?" She muttered. She'd have shouted; but the voice just wouldn't come.

"You needed some rest." Claire tried to justify, _once again. _"Tell her, _Wilhelmina._" Adding this, she couldn't help but shooting the Slater a reproachful look.

Wilhelmina just looked back; as usual, Claire hadn't the vaguest idea what it was all about.

"So what? Why did you do this, why did you do this to me?" Amanda insisted instead. Her attention was now for Marc, was _finally_ for him. Her rock, her guardian, how could he be involved in keeping her from her child. He _knew _she couldn't leave Leah so long... or did he? Did he know that? He had been away so long... he probably didn't understand how desperately her child needed her.

He didn't want to answer her. He felt something had suddenly broken between them, he knew that somehow in her breakdown he had been overcome as well. He couldn't say why, but somewhere between the hope and the strength, he was sure she had also lost her trust in him.

"I... you feel better now, don't you?" He pointed out. "We just wanted you-"

"Oh, shut up!" Amanda hushed him. "Can you just stop deciding things for me? I don't need you, _any_ of you!"

"Amanda, don't say tha-"

But Claire couldn't be heard any longer by the woman. She hurried out the room, now paying attention only to the baby, caressing her and assuring that her mommy would soon feed her.

Marc silently observed her leaving; again, he felt himself slip out the picture.

xXx

"Knock Knock!"

Grumbling, Wilhelmina threw the pen over the desk, and raised her attention to the visitor.

"Daniel, you really don't need to do that."

He grinned. "Yes, but how can I have fun then if I'm not annoying you?"

"How old are you, five?" Wilhelmina answered back with a face, Daniel swore she looked amused. They may have stopped the war, behave as good partners and even sleep together, but they'll never stop teasing the other.

She looked at him sitting casually in front of her desk, observing his grin and hoping he would joke enough to make her temporarily forget the past heavy two days.

Unfortunately, he stopped and changed his expression or, as she preferred to say, adopted 'Daniel's serious face'.

"So, how are you? It's everything ok with...that?" He asked. Of course he meant Amanda, the giant and emotionally unstable bull in their china shop.

"I'm fresh as a daisy, thank you." She answered ironically. "You should see how refreshing and relaxing is to watch over someone and making sure she doesn't destroy any more apartments."

Daniel raised his eyebrows, smiling. "You watch over her?"

"Well…Lily does it in my place. But that…" she made clear. "…doesn't mean I'm not affected by the situation. And by your mother, I don't think she ever spent so much time in Wilhelmina Slater's apartment."

He couldn't resist and chuckled. "Oh yes, that's why you're here so early today? You were afraid you'd kill her and hide the corpse in Central Park?

"That, yes." Wilhelmina confirmed. "And Amanda woke up. She didn't seem so enthusiastic to have so many people around."

"Oh... she hasn't had another outburst, has she?" Daniel immediately asked, worried.

"No, not yet, at least." She answered him on a bitter note. The truth was she had spent all the time since she had reached the office staring at the phone, hoping it wouldn't ring with bad news from Lily - but she wouldn't admit it to Daniel.

"Do you think you can do anything to fix it?"

Wilhelmina raised her stare on him. "Do what? Really Daniel, don't you think we... _I _have already done whatever I could to help her?"

"That's not what I meant, I'm say-"

"You know what's the only thing that can _fix _the situation?" Wilhelmina continued instead, preventing him from explaining further. "That son of a bitch of your brother returning; and repairing his own mess!" She basically yelled at him.

She surprised herself with her reaction. Her voice had risen out of her control; an unexplainable hint of anger had hit her before she could stop it. She felt so powerless in that context she just couldn't stand it; she used to have everything under control, however now she had the situation slipping out her fingers.

"Calm down and listen." Daniel resumed. Dear Lord, he wanted to help and even then was assailed. "What I meant... I meant that I know how losing someone you love can affect you. And when it happens, I think it's kinda useful-"

"What?" She interrupted once again. "Joining a cult?"

"No." He answered, trying not to note the not so subtle barb. "I was just reflecting on how-"

"It's different; you don't know how she feels."

Once again, she didn't give him occasion to explain himself. He felt the urge to grumble in protest, but she spoke again.

"How can you compare death and abandon?" She said. "If he was dead... if _they _were dead... everything would be so much easier now."

She had basically whispered that. She wasn't looking at him anymore, he noticed; it was clear it wasn't just about Amanda anymore. But what did it mean for her? He knew she couldn't be over _her _own abandon yet, and still he believed she was at a turning point.

Immediately however, he ordered himself not to think such things; after all, she hadn't mentioned it. She barely hinted to anything, actually. He chose to avoid this particular aspect of the matter, and tried to return the focus on the main issue.

"I know it's different, but I think her point of view... Amanda's, I mean... I think it's changed." He spoke, profiting from Wilhelmina's sudden silence. "And I am afraid it's partially my fault."

She finally returned her attention to him. "What do you mean?"

"We spoke the other night... You know, when she came to dinner at my mother's. We spoke, and she told me about Tyler and Leah, and... I basically ended up giving her the idea that he's dead." He confessed to her. "I'm afraid I might have pushed her over the edge."

Wilhelmina didn't answer; inquiring, she kept on staring at him, pushing him to make his point.

Feeling the pressure, he continued. "That's why I said I can say how she feels. So I tried to think of what helped me at that time; and I remembered that among my family and friends' help, professional support could have been kinda beneficial."

"You mean a shrink? When did you go to one?" She asked skeptical.

"I really didn't go to a shrink, I had Betty..." He saw her raising her eyebrows ironically. "She's even worse... but at least she's free." He commented.

"So, that's your great idea? Calling Betty and ask her to put her big Mexican nose back in our business?"

"No. I mean a real one this time. We... we could try it and see what happens."

In that very moment, the pencil which she was tormenting since he started explaining his idea broke with a sharp sound. He peeked at it a little worried, as she calmly abandoned the broken object on her desk and stood up. He saw her taking long, slow step around, until she reached him.

"That's not the worst idea ever." She surprisingly admitted. "Tell me the truth, you thought about it all yesterday?"

"Uhm... yes."

She let a slight laugh come. "I couldn't expect less." She joked.

He immediately noted how her voice had softened; and when he felt her lips on his neck, he even thought with a certain satisfaction that his idea was about to be greatly rewarded.

"I'll ask Marc his opinion on it."

He grumbled. "Yes, you should. And maybe to my mother too- ok, ok, I'll shut up." He hurried to add, when she bit him.

Definitely he was gonna be rewarded.

xXx

"I thought they called it, well, _afternoon delight _since it happens then."

Smirking at Marc's remark, she quickly closed the last button of her blouse. "Come in." She said in that extraordinary too kind tone that he found as rare as it was scary.

He obeyed, and it was immediately obvious to her that something was wrong. She observed him wearily sat in front her desk.

"What?" She finally asked.

"Isn't Daniel spending a little too much time in here?"

_That_ was the big deal? Of course it wasn't, Marc never admitted the truth so fast, and she hated that, because it meant he was about to behave as the chatty girl for a while.

"You shouldn't be here this morning either." She hit back. "I gave you three days off, remember?"

"Let's say I'm kinda attached to work. And... I missed this place."

He wasn't lying after all. He really missed _Mode_, her office, his old desk as her assistant, and the donut. So, even if it wasn't the main reason that had pushed him there, he couldn't say he was completely lying.

"Yes, sure. I believe you." She responded ironically. She stretched her skirt and came closer to him.

"Anyway, since you're here you can do something for me." She said grabbing her agenda.

Marc sighed. "What? I'm back in New York for less than a week and you're already asking me to play dirty for you?" He joked.

"Not today. Here." She answered, handing him a business card.

He absently read it. "A therapist?"

"Yes... so, what's so funny? You're chucking." She noticed pretty annoyed.

"Nothing... I just remembered, I think I know who she is." Marc explained. He smiled, before giving more details. "Once me, Mandy and Betty kinda stalked Matt... and well, eventually we found out he was seeing her for therapy. Such a pity, I really hoped for a mistress, and so did Mandy."

"Oh... did they meet?"

"Who? Mandy and the therapist? Oh, don't worry, she probably doesn't even remember her... wait, are you about to set up an ambush on her or something?"

"No." Wilhelmina answered. "Ok, I considered it." She added, because Marc definitely knew she would. "But that's not the point. I want you to suggest that she meet with her."

A nervous grin came on Marc's face, which he immediately censored – she really didn't look like someone who was kidding.

"I'm sorry Willie but... I don't think it's a good idea." He admitted at last.

This surprised her. She was sure it was a _great _idea. And it was a great idea because it was really simple. She was pretty sure Daniel hadn't thought about it as deeply as she know had but she thought that speaking to a stranger would be easier for Amanda; in fact, she was confident of it. Considering their _bond_ had began when they were basically strangers. Previously, they had only met enough for Amanda to not be terrified by her, and for Wilhelmina to at least remember the blonde's name. That was the key of everything, how Wilhelmina was a stranger to her when she had first came in her office begging for help. But now they had learned to know each other; they shared too much. It may sound almost a paradox, but they knew each other so well now that they couldn't talk anymore.

"It's just..." Marc began, forcing past any hesitation. "Amanda is the kind of person who can tell the guy at the gas station about her sexual life since childhood, or the woman at the cafeteria about every detail on her nose job – seriously, a nose job? I know people that don't speak of that even with their own mothers!" He took a pause, more to find a certain serious tone than catch his breath. "But when it comes to serious things... she's the most reserved person on this earth. She's the one who waited weeks just to admit to me she had debts, or couldn't talk with her parents for more than a year about her adoption, or-"

He abruptly stopped. Wilhelmina tried to raise an eyebrow to protest, but he didn't reprise, or give any sign to clarify what collared him.

He could see all crystal clear now. He had just to look at the examples he was holding, all the situations he was naming; they were all from the past. Was he able to think of something to sustain his thesis from the last six months? No. But everything had changed in those months, so much he knew the cards on the table were deeply changed. It wasn't a feeling anymore, he now _knew _he had been slipped from the picture.

"Sorry, you're right... maybe it'll work." He said at last. "But I won't ask her this."

Then he moved the card on the desk back to Wilhelmina, and couldn't help but keep his eyes low.

"Why not?"

"I don't think I'm the right person to do it, I th-"

"What do you mean? You're her best friend, you're the most appropriate person in this world." Wilhelmina attacked.

"Are you sure? I mean, you're two are so close lately."

But Marc got interrupted again. Wilhelmina had launched him the card again, with a sudden and violent movement. She was disappointed.

"First, she doesn't listen to me, everyone knows it. Second... since when don't you carry out my orders?"

He couldn't argue anymore. Quickly, he grabbed the card and observed it a little longer: he sometimes forgot who was in charge here.

Reluctantly, he stood, and bolted to the door.

"Don't blame yourself."

He stopped on the doorstep, and turned back to the woman who had just spoken.

"Don't blame yourself." She repeated. "In this story, you're probably the only one who always did the right thing."

He faked a smile in response; Wilhelmina could have just wanted the last word, but it didn't mean she was telling the truth.

xXx

When he arrived at Wilhelmina's apartment, he couldn't ring the door bell straight away. He stood there, on the landing, trying to find the proper words to interact with Amanda. It was ironic, how just a few days before he had felt a similar anxiety in front of that door; he had waited the same long time before calling for attention. But then he was just too excited to meet his girls, unaware of what he was about to find; now he was just terrified to be about to mess the situation even more.

He was still pondering, when the door suddenly opened.

"Can you just come in? I don't know what to do anymore." Lily said. Marc immediately noticed the sanguine cheeks of the young woman: it was obvious how much courage she had needed to speak.

He politely smiled to her. "How did you know I was here anyway?" He asked.

"I saw you entering the building, from the window. And then I saw you here from the peephole." She answered, while her eyes nervously studied the landing's floor.

"That's smart. And creepy." He observed. "So, is there a problem?"

"She wants to go out with Leah." Lily muttered in response. "I tried to tell her it's not a good idea because she's still weak, but she simply doesn't listen to reason."

"I see." He commented. "Don't worry; I'll talk to her now." He said, trying to sound reassuring.

Lily nodded, and let him enter.

Marc saw Amanda near the couch, fixed in the basically impossible task of fastening her jacket with just one hand.

He took a deep sigh, and reached her.

"Let me." He said, gently moving away her hand to bear the job. "You know that you shouldn't go out yet, right?"

"I'm good... don't worry." She muttered. "Thank you for this." She added, when he finished with her buttons.

"You're welcome." He answered, and tried to hide his consideration behind a shy smile.

"Well... well, I'm going... I want to catch the hot dog guy who roamed west Central Park. Don't look at me that way, he did the best ones in _all_ New York city!"

"Hot dogs?" He simply asked, skeptical.

"What? Well, of course you never heard that from me."

A smile, _a real one_, came across his face at her remark. But he needed to put it out soon, and finally find the courage to _talk_.

"Mandy, before you go," He started, pretending even to agree with her intentions. "Can we just talk for a moment?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Why not. But be quick." She answered carelessly, and threw herself on the couch.

He sat next to her. From near the entrance Lily observed them, and even she didn't know what was going on, she perceived that something had to be wrong: why were two people who were supposed to be about to _talk_, not even looking at each other?

In fact, Amanda was nervously staring at the coffee table in front of her, while Marc just sometimes let himself peek at her.

"So," he said after a while. "I had a talk with Wilhelmina this morning, and-"

"You guys never kick the habit, do you?" She interrupted him. He turned; she was finally looking at him.

"You two just love to plot together, right? New plan to get the whole company?" She joked – or pretended to.

"No, we're done with that. We... it was about you."

Amanda grinned. "Of course." She just commented.

"We are trying to figure out how to help. I mean, these last few days have been... kinda tough, haven't they?" He said in a breath.

She rested her head against the back of the couch. She felt so tired right now... However, she calmly stared at him, and said. "I've probably told you a million times, but... there's no need. Please let _me_ handle this."

"You're still angry because we didn't wake you up?" He asked.

"Of course I am!" She exclaimed, raising her head. "You know I'd never left Leah for so long, not to mention... Dry milk? Seriously, are you kidding me? You know I don't want her to quit breastfeeding yet, don't you?"

Marc nodded. "Look, I'm sorry about that... But it was necessary. You _do _need help, that's why-" He stopped, unable to decide right there if _he _could say that to her, unaware of how near she was to the edge now.

"What are you saying?" She pressed.

It was time. "We just think that maybe it'd be helpful... I don't know, talking about it with someone a little more professional... Like a therapist or some-"

"A shrink?" Amanda goggled at him.

"Not exactly, I-"

"Oh, come on, _please _don't kid me!" She said in a nervous laugh. Then she jumped off the couch, and went to march toward Lily, who in the meantime had taken Leah from the playpen in the kitchen - probably in the last attempt to delay Amanda's departure.

"Wait, listen to me!" Marc said calling her back, and leaving the seat as well to follow her.

She stopped in the middle of the hallway, and turned back to him. "What!" She exclaimed. "What should I listen to?"

"You could just try it and see what happens."

Amanda sighed, and rolled her eyes impatiently. "Marc," she said, trying to keep control. "All I want it's to get over this- _over_, do you get it? Keep on speaking about it will _not _help in any way, period."

"You wrong, it helps!" Marc refuted. "Look, I know you've been through so-"

"You know!" Amanda shouted. "You know?"

Marc froze. He didn't expect such a reaction. Well, he _did _expect shouting and rage and disagreement but he didn't expect such a stare. He saw her, he saw her eyes once again plenty of that furious anger he had seen that afternoon in the apartment, in the middle of its ruins. He wondered how much anger was still in her, waiting to be set free.

"You know? What do you know?" She kept on yelling. "Do you really think you know what _I _have been through? You can't... you can't! Don't you see it? You abandoned me, just like they say Tyler did!"

Finally, all the feelings, the suspicions, now he had an answer; he had known it all the time, probably even before the meltdown in Chelsea, he had known it since he had first heard of what had happened. But he couldn't admit it, he just refused to hear it.

Then it had been Chelsea. Then it had been her confession.

"You lied." He was only able to answer in a humble, trembling tone. "You lied to me all this time. _Don't worry, I'm good here, I can do it...enjoy your French trip!_" He said, mocking her voice. "Only a huge lie! Why did I believe you? I'm such an idiot... and you are as well!"

He didn't add anything else. He turned his back on her, and silently moved to the entrance, and didn't stop when he felt her hand on his arm, desperately trying to stop him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said..." Amanda whispered. She hadn't any more strength to spend, overwhelmed and consumed by herself.

He didn't stop when he felt her hand slipping off him, or when he heard her begging him to look back at her.

He didn't stop and look back, because he was hurt and frustrated; she had just permanently broken the biggest and deepest bond in her life.


End file.
